Hello, I have a question. My father owes almost $4,000.00 in unpaid child support and recently took out a loan in order to pay it all. I am his son and am currently 22 years old and living on my own. A year or so back, my Mother was trying to collect child support and she asked me for his information, address, phone number, etc. She told me that when she collected she would share half of the total child support with me.

My father is now in the process of paying the total debts off he owes my mother. He knows I have been having money trouble and he said he would have preferred that she share the money with me. I called her up today asking her if she would be willing to share any of the child support and she laughed at me over the phone. I wasn't even demanding the full amount I was simply asking for a little bit of it.

It upset me quite a bit and I was wondering, is it possible for the grown child just to simply collect any unpaid child support directly from his father instead? Or am I going to have to simply hope my mother will share something with me?

No, if he pays you he will not get credit for it. If your mom promised it to you, you can sue your mom in small claims court

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

No, if he pays you he will not get credit for it. If your mom promised it to you, you can sue your mom in small claims court

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Thanks for the answer, I thought that might be the case. I won't be taking my mother to court though. I guess I just have to hope she decides to share some of it.

Support is considered owed to your mom as she had to provide for you even while your father didn't pay. At this point it is a debt. Seen as if you already had your needs met (by mom) and now the person who met those needs should be reimbursed. It may be morally wrong that your mom take this stance but with only a verbal agreement you would be hard pressed to get a dime. I'm sorry your mom has disappointed you. Try to remember that she did have to care for you even during times your father refused to... Cathy

Unfrontatly now this is going to turn into some sort of debate because you had to try and mentioned my mother and the work she did for me. A mother's love is also her burden as it is her own responsibility.

Anyway, I ended up raising myself. Sure I lived with my mother but I was working as young as 10 years old doing odd jobs. I barely ever even saw her. The only time I ever got something from my mother was when she absolutely had to give it to me.

Waking me up at 4AM and screaming at me in a drunken rage during the school week was her idea of trying to help me with my grades. It is pretty bad when your own teenage kids go to bed early just so they hope they don't have to see you.

My father may not have paid a lot of child support in the past, but he is trying to make amends. He isn't some sort of dead beat father either. I have been seeing him most of my life and when my mother wouldn't give me money or give me extra work to earn some side cash my father would.

Even now he still sends me money when I need it, never expecting a dime in return. So really when I get right down to it, I have ended up appreactaing my father more then I have ever apprecated my mother.

It saddens me that you suffered at the hands of your mother. To exonerate your father completely is taking a very limiting view. Being a single parent is very difficult. In past generations women didn't even make the same pay as men however had to support more people... That's not to say I condone either of your parent's behavior. The thing is... two wrongs don't make a right.

When my ex husband tried to hold me in contempt of court for not being able to see his children (which was proven false) it didn't negate the fact that he was being held in contempt for not paying. Technically (if I truly had kept kids away from him) the judge would not say... oh well... both of you are doing something so they cancel each other out. No... we would both have been held in contempt. As it was... only he was.

My point is... not paying support can always be reduced in level of harm by the children once they have grown up as they don't see the REAL hardships of parenthood. It has more to do with finances than a lot of people want to believe. Your able to forgive your father however still hold your mother at fault (maybe rightfully). I am only saying that kids rarely see the "problems" not receiving child support cause. Each case is different... but your initial question was concerning your ability to obtain some of the back support. I simply gave you the facts and reasoning behind such. Cathy