Ask Me Help Desk - Why the mixed signals from her?

I have been out with this girl a few times. We met through mutual friends 2 months ago. We are both quite hectic with work, social lives etc, so it has been quite a slow burner with us meeting for a date every 10 days or so.

I have been happy with that, we speak a bit in between, mainly by e-mail.

I am just struggling to read her mixed signals. If I drop her an e-mail, she can take 3 or 4 days to respond, if I suggest a date, she will say yes, but try and make it at least a week or 10 days in advance. That suggests uncertainty to me.

But that is the opposite of how she acts when she is with me. We have the date, it is her who suggests we go out again soon and she always texts later that evening to say thanks. That says she is keen to me.

The other uncertainty in my mind came when I saw her the other evening. She came to mine for some dinner, we had a nice evening, bit of wine. We were just chilling, chatting etc, and it seemed like something might happen, she then suddenly made her excuses and left, she couldn't get out quick enough! But, she then messaged me when she got home and said what a great time she had, and that did I want to go to her place for dinner sometime.

What are the mixed signals about?

I should add that there may be a complicating factor (as far as she is concerned). She suffers from an illness, it can mean she is ill from time to time. She asked me, the first time we met, if that bothered me, it doesn't, but perhaps she may be cautious because of that?

Thoughts people?

If its not her illness could it be she is possible dating someone else, since your not in a committed relationship and only dating. This is normal.

To know for sure where you stand with her, simply inquire about this. Communication is the only way you can get the answers you want from her. Be open to anything, whether its good or bad. If you want something more, let her know also and see what happens.

Even though you wrote the story from your perspective including how strongly you read it as mixed signals, I still don't read it that way.

I read it as a professional, busy person who is also polite and good at positive communication. Also, she's absolutely not interested in more right now with you other than the occasional fun night/dinner. She actually DOES those things, too.

Her positive communications to you are honest and encouraging, but her scheduling habits remain consistent, right? Weeks between dates?

Yes, she could be dating others. So what? You are probably more motivated to get closer than she is and she KNOWS IT. So, she is not over-encouraging you in that department. But she likes you as a friend and occasional date.

Accept what you have while you slowly, patiently work towards more, or move on to a more relationship-minded girl. There are plenty of those girls out there.

But be warned now... those relationship-minded girls can be nuts, so be careful what you ask for.

JB, expressed that very well, and the only thing I can add is enjoy yourself when you can with her, but don't expect anything else for now. You should be dating, and having fun with others, also!

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Her positive communications to you are honest and encouraging, but her scheduling habits remain consistent, right? Weeks between dates?

Yes, this is true. She wants to go out every 10 days/2 weeks.

Yes, she could be dating others. So what? You are probably more motivated to get closer than she is and she KNOWS IT. So, she is not over-encouraging you in that department. But she likes you as a friend and occasional date.

She may be dating others, she may not. Neither of us is at the stage where we can expect exclusivity.

Accept what you have while you slowly, patiently work towards more, or move on to a more relationship-minded girl. There are plenty of those girls out there.

But be warned now...those relationship-minded girls can be nuts, so be careful what you ask for.

I need to slow it down a little bit. Whilst she is keen when we meet. It is, on the majority of occasions, me that does the chasing. She has suggested dinner at hers, it is now incumbent on her to invite me. I will wait and see what happens!

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

JB, expressed that very well, and the only thing I can add is enjoy yourself when you can with her, but don't expect anything else for now. You should be dating, and having fun with others, also!

I am doing that! I just was mildly confused by her mixed signals. Time will tell! No rush.

That's interesting, as what you see as mixed signals, I see as clear straightforward, and honest behavior.

She likes you enough to date, but is to busy to do the everyday thing. Your right, enjoy it, and be in no hurry, and keep it real on your part.