Ask Me Help Desk - Break Up after 5 years ?

I met a Peruvian girl in a nightclub over 5 years ago. She moved in with me over 2 years ago. Her parents then purchased a house for her in June 06 so I decided to rent out my townhouse and move in with her. I'm now 37 and she is 34. She runs her own business from the house and I work for an IT firm. Her English is not that great, but has improved slightly. I forgot to mention that she is still waiting for papers (ie.Green Card)

Weekends are typical and kind of boring waking up late and eating breakfast at Dennys, taking the dog to the dog park, mostly watching movies, lack of communication due to the language barrier. When getting together with her friends or her family they all speak Spanish and I am completely bored. I should mention that we have sex once in a blue moon (she wants it all the time, but I dont).

She loves me very much, she is a great cook, she cleans etc...
When I was in between jobs, that's when she moved in with me and helped me out financially with the mortgage payments and in return I allowed her to use one of the bedrooms in the townhouse to run her business.

We also have a dog that is now almost 3 years old. Now, I'm Jewish and she mentioned she is willing to convert. All these years I mentioned to her that she needs to improve her English, convert, and get a nosejob and boob job since I love big boobs(I know I am kind of shallow in that dept) she only recently started to attend ESL classes.

I don't know if I love her and if I would be making a mistake by breaking up.
I should also mention that during the years before we lived together, I did cheat on her by dating other girls purely for sex. However, lately I'm going more & more to Jewish events to meet other women to find out if they can match up to her given that they are already Jewish and speak English.

We recently had a big argument since she invaded my privacy and called my voicemail on my cellphone and listened to my voicemails and questioned me about a girl on the voicemail. She wouldn't acknowledge that she invaded my privacy or apologize so I opened my big mouth in anger and said "I will never marry you or give you kids etc... " today she gave me an ultimatum that I need to make a decision since she is getting older and would like to get married and have kids, so I need to decide if I wish to continue with her or not. If I choose not to, she would kick me out of the house so she says without giving me time to look for a new place to live. By the way, her parents live in the house as well (they don't speak a word in English) they just cook very well :) and they don't really disturb me. They are kind of forced to be in the U.S every 6 months to maintain their Green Card.

I should add that I was never close to my parents or brother and that could be the reason why I may not know what love is.

I'm so confused :( not sure what would happen with the dog as well, technically it's my dog but the dog really loves her, she may not wish to keep the dog out of spite (she has a large yard) and I may have to rent a place that allows dogs and the dog may not have the space like it has now (as you can tell I love my dog)

I look forward to your replies, please don't tell me I am racist, if I was I wouldn't be with her for that long. I could be making the mistake of my life if I break up with her not being able to find someone like her and being alone (which I hate) but then again how can I continue if I don't think I love her and keep getting bored at family & friends gatherings.

It sounds to me that it isn't love... you say you are bored, don't like the fact that she doesn't speak good english, want her to have a nose job and a boob job, I mean, what do you like about her?? I think you should move on, if you give in to her ultimatum, you will probably hold it against her because it was not your choice...
Is a jewish girl that important? You are looking where they would be. Another reason you should not be with her if that is so important. Leave and get back your townhouse, take the poor dog too, she will probably get rid of it due to anger at you. Good luck

You don't love her, it sounds as if you are only with her for convenience...

You say you need her to get a nose job and a boob job, that is very shallow, if you truly loved her you would think she is beautiful just the way she is...

Also you say you don't want to make love to her, but you had affairs for sex... that's a bit of a contradiction

You really don't sound like you love her. Be fair to her and get out now so that she can have a chance at meeting someone who'll sincerely care for her.

It sound like there are some things you like about her, but it also sounds like you don't love her. A physical connection is great and it's needed to be in a relationship, but it sounds like you're missing the mental connection. Maybe it's because of the language barrier. Maybe it's more than that. At best, it sounds like you are tolerating the situation, but it seems like you crave something more. If you are asking yourself all these questions about her and your relationship together, it sounds like you may be wanting out.

And, once you hit your 30s, if the two of you want different things (she says she wants kids), it's only fair to her to set her free to pursue that dream.

It sounds like you don't accept her for who she is and in order for YOU to be in a healthy relationship, you need to accept your partner. If boobs are important to you (and it's sad that they are), then you need to find someone with nice boobs. But I'll tell you this, when you grow old with someone you truly love, size of boobs does not matter. Now, not being able to communicate well due to the language barrier is a different issue.

It sounds like you're the one with the issues and I think it's best you break up with this girl and find someone more suitable to your needs.

She should kick you out of the house with no time to look for a new place. Might teach you a lesson for cheating on her and treating her like crap!

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Originally Posted by Skell

She should kick you out of the house with no time to look for a new place. Might teach you a lesson for cheating on her and treating her like crap!

I agree!

Uhm I would describe you as a jerk. Why doesn't everyone call a spade a spade. She wants a boob job fine you tell to get one ( jerk ) She is looking for security and gives to you ( financial help, cooks, cleans, spends time with you gives you a place to stay ) you're a parasite. If you were in a relationship with my sister bro it would be on. Why don't you learn to think about someone other than yourself. I wouldn't be surprised if this were a work of fiction you sound so bad.

It don't matter how long u been together if there's a good enough reason let it happen brotha

I was just hoping to get different opinions without responding back but I couldn't help myself after reading Zeus2007 reply. Zeus, you may wish to read my post again since you didn't quite read it properyly you wrote "She wants a boob job fine you tell to get one ( jerk ) ", I said I wanted her to get a boob job. Then you wrote "financial help, cooks, cleans, spends time with you gives you a place to stay" , wrong again she initially stayed at my place before her parents baught her a house, and yes she did help me out by chipping in for the mortgage payments like a roommate, everything is dutch, she's not a gold digger, she makes 3-4 times what I make and I'm in IT. Clearly, I am not materialistic like some women, I am simply thinking of breaking up since I don't think I love her. I am sure many guys would love to be in my shoes. I am just thinking long term to avoid a possible divorce after having kids.
Zeus, what did you mean by the way "If you were in a relationship with my sister bro it would be on"??

I think he meant that he wouldn't appreciate you treating his sister the way you treat your girlfriend.

I think you need to break up, your both obviously in this relationship for different reasons.

You also need to consider her feelings more, if your staying with her just because you can, then that is not fair for her. My girlfriend did that to me, kept stringing me along saying that we'd get married etc. and then out of nowhere said she hasn't loved me for quiet awhile and that was it. Cut the ties NOW before she gets even more attatched to you.

And I'm not sure if you do or not, but stop telling her that you love her, it's a hurtful lie

Not a chance in hell would I want to be in your selfish shoes. No thanks.

Leave her. You have to for the good of her. She doesn't need you and deserves better.

How about learning Spanish? Language seems to be a barrier, it doesn't thave to be up to her. My friend is married to a man whose family speaks only Spanish, so she learnt to speak too.
But, my friend if you haven't already thought of that, I am sad to say, I don't think it is love. If it was, you would do anything for her and would be planning a life, a future WITH her.
Perhaps you BOTH deserve to move on and find someone who will really love you and you can love back?

Decision time. Stop leading this female on, and let her have a chance to be happy with a good man that truly loves her. Clearly you do not!

Personally I think you love the dog more than you love her. I heard no mention of what you actually do like about her.

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I should mention that we have sex once in a blue moon (she wants it all the time, but I dont).

Could it be because you are giving it to other women?

LMAO, you are a terrible terrible little man.

Why should you marry her? You are oinly going to cheat on her again anyway.

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By the way, her parents live in the house as well (they don't speak a word in English) they just cook very well https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/../ima...lies/smile.gif and they don't really disturb me.

I freaking hope they don't disturb YOU, you are in THEIR house. You probably disturb them.

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All these years I mentioned to her that she needs to improve her English, convert, and get a nosejob and boob job since I love big boobs(I know I am kind of shallow in that dept)

Actually Sir, you are quite shallow in EVERY department.

Why don't you learn spanish. Guess what, newsflash!! People who are bilingual in the U.S. get more bucks at most jobs.

Why don't you convert?

Get a nose job and a boob job? Exactly what do you want in a woman? Eye candy?

LMAO, you are a selfish shallow little man who does not have a life. Move out, get one, and leave the women alone, you don't respect them anyway.

OK I still think you are a user. This is definitely not a 50/50 relationship financially I bet I would bet she floats you a lot more than you help her out. I would bet wth her cultural background she is going way out of her way to accommodate your beliefs. Then you expect her to convert, geez. You like big boobs so she should get big boobs, cause you like them, what about her do you like her? Nobody can answer that question but you. You certainly don't love her since you don't relay any empathetic thoughts regarding her in her position, just your own selfish needs in the relationship. What do I mean it would be on... I mean you would be out, I would reveal ypu as the selfish person you are and hook her up with someone of deeper convictions.

How can you even think you might love her? You can't even speak with her. Why does she have to learn English? Can't you learn Spanish? You're probably lucky she can't understand you when you tell her she needs a nose job and a boob job. I'm sure if she had a clue what you were trying to get her to do she'd slap your face. And that is way more than a little shallow. In summation, NO, you don't love her, you are no good for her, break it off. Good luck finding your fantasy girl.

Geeze, these guys are being more blunt than me! Lol omg.

OK look I got to hand it to you for taking this like a man, and even being brave enough to come on here type up your problem and tell the honest truth, hey it might even be deeper than what you put on, but we can only comment on what you tell us so that's what you got.

I still give you props though. But yea it doesn't sound like you love her. It's a tough situation but for the benefit of both of you, you guys need ta sit down and talk, seriously.

It sounds to me like you want something else though. So you already know what you got to do. You don't need to hear it from us.

Go do it!

This post also left me wondering how perfect he thinks he is.

Apparently he does not need a nose job, hopefully he doesn't need a boob job.

But he totally needs an attitude job!!

I am amazed how some people are only focusing on the boob job & nose job, and not on the other 2 main issues Language & Culture which are not shallow at all, for many people these 2 main issues are very important. Also I would guess most of the replies come from women focusing on how bad I am, on the contrary I am a very good person, I just think giving someone a day to decide is insane, couples discuss their future over weeks or months. I have not heard many positive things when it comes to me. I am curious what type of issues or baggage some of the repliers have themselves but that's a diff topic.