Photos of fiancée with ex on Facebook reminds me of unpleasant gossip.
Hello everyone, This is my first post so I'm sorry if it may be a bit long as I'm unsure how to go about this. So, I have been with this girl for about 1 year and 7 months. Recently engaged. A very healthy and good relationship. I'm 26 and she is 25. We both love each other a lot and over our pasts completely. The problem is that I am a jealous guy. And because of that, I have issues about her past. She was a virgin when I met her and I recently found out about this as we had never spoken about it till after we got engaged. I always assumed that she must have had sex with her ex and we actually spoke about it when once I had to be performing at a venue (I'm a musician) where her ex was present and I was really uncomfortable and I told her straight up that I am uncomfortable as I don't like the idea of seeing the face of another guy who she has had sex with and then backstage she cleared it up and told me they just usually kissed and once made out on a bed and she wasn't comfortable so never again. Nothing more than that. Not even second base. She was with him for about 3 years. Since she was 19 to 22.
Now my issue of jealousy has always been that everyone of her friends knew she was with her ex. She has always been part of this saint's following and he is part of it too and they were friends since they were kids and then started dating. Now, most people think they have been together since the time they were friends. (about 13-14) . The guy who introduced me to her to hook me up with her also said that she was with this guy for almost 10 years. But only her close friends know the truth. I know many people from this group as I have performed for them before . That's how I met her On a performance trip. And some girls in the group tried to be my 'well-wisher' and tried to warn me . ' oh you are with this girl. Do you know about __? And I go yeah I do and they then say yeah they were together for a looong time, that definitely means something'. Basically all the people in the group think she was with him since they were kids and that he dumped her (because he started dating after a month of them breaking up) and that she was sad for the longest time and I may be a rebound. Because no one gets over a person they have been with for 10 years. But only her close circle knows that the breakup was mutual and she was over it much before I met her.
I do get jealous thinking that all the people I know or she knows think of me as a replacement and think she was with him for 10 years and had sex with him and was devastated when he dumped her, etc, when nothing of it is true. I don't know how to get over it. Need advise. How not to feel jealous and insecure about a story that so many people believe is true and look down upon me. Anyway, this issue now is that, she has gotten rid of all his pictures and everything much before I met her. But I still keep coming across photos of her and him tagged in group photos of her friends on Facebook. I don't feel comfortable seeing that person or even reading his name because it makes me think all this. That people think she has had sex with him or has been with him for so long and got dumped by him and I'm just a replacement guy as she can't be with him. I feel really uncomfortable seeing that guy around even when I once went to her saints sermon and he was there. I walked out as soon as it finished and she supported me.
She doesn't talk to him at all and very supportive of me and my situation and I told her I wouldn't come there anymore because of this. She was hurt as she feels I should not let a random person affect the decision of what we both want to do. I just don't know what to do. And how to get over this as it is impossible to change what people think in so many countries (the saint has a following in many countries and I have gotten this 'friendly' warning about her in different countries where people don't know her, just met her once or twice or know her parents but heard through others gossip about the story). I can't avoid this social group as she is a part of it and it would be wrong of me to pull her out of something that she was born with, but I really can't take seeing that person's pics with her on Fb and I start getting irritated at her friends for having those photos up still. And it makes me cold towards my fiancé even though she supports me. Please help. Thank you. Regards.
Retroactive jealousy and insecurity. How to overcome?
I know the issue is mine and if I don't do something about myself I may push her away and I don't want to do that. Hence, need help to overcome this rather than be told that I am at fault. How to correct it or what do I do to overcome it?