I am a married man, deeply in love and also have lust for a married woman (having a kid), a colleague of mine. I have admitted this to my spouse. Obviously she isn't comfortable with this. In spite of this, I share a good bond with my spouse. I am in my early forties.

I had expressed my feelings to my girlfriend four years back. She claims that she doesn't have such feelings for me and treats me as a friend. However, for the past four years we've been dating each other. We didn't have any intimate moments as yet, but I am interested due to her physical appeal. She is fully aware of this and I have told her of my desire clearly. I gift her lot of things, expensive at times, take good care of her. She shares lot of personal things with me.

Although she tells me that she informs her husband when she comes out with me, I suspect manipulation. Her husband is a simple person. Earns less than half of what she earns. She isn't very clear at times about things and hides information.

What is that she is exactly looking in me ? Whether it's emotional support, pass time, or only the gifts that I get for her and the nice time we spend (at my expense always). I don't wish to be a toy boy and get nothing.

She is in it for the things you give her. You are making a fool of yourself.
Work on your marriage or show your wife some respect and let her out of this selfish arrangement you have her in.

Harshness warning

She gets what you give her, gifts and a good time and she doesn't have to give you anything but her time and company. That's the price of acting on your lust in foolish stupid ways. She is a girlfriend in your own mind you fool.

A 40 year old married guy should already know that.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Harshness warning

She gets what you give her, gifts and a good time and she doesn't have to give you anything but her time and company. Thats the price of acting on your lust in foolish stupid ways. She is a girlfriend in your own mind you fool.

A 40 year old married guy should already know that.

---

Thanks for the reply.

Yes, after knowing that there's no light across the tunnel, it's indeed a price that I am paying for my lust. I realized this in the first few months of our relationship. Very difficult to internalize. Is there an intelligent way of getting out of this, knowing that we work in the same office and face each other daily ? I am thinking of changing my job - believing that 'out of sight, out of mind' may get me out.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

She is in it for the things you give her. You are making a fool of yourself.
Work on your marriage or show your wife some respect and let her out of this selfish arrangement you have her in.

---

Thanks for your reply. Yes, I have consciously made a fool of myself. I need to conquer my lust for her which is very difficult. It's like food, if you like it, you must eat it, else the craving will drive you crazy and staying hungry can never be the solution. Is there a way out ?

Changing your job would be a good thing.
Apologize to your wife and do some counseling.

You have a wife and a girlfriend? WHAT? If she doesn't have the same feelings for you then the term girlfriend is overstated, correct?

Regardless you are on the cusp of cheating on your wife and you said "Obviously she isn't comfortable with this." That is probably understated.

Even though you haven't physically cheated on her, you still cheated mentally and emotionally. I don't get people who cheat. If you want to cheat get out of your current relationship.

I will get off my soapbox in a minute. I am a firm believer that you can love more than one person. But I also am a firm believer that once you have made a commitment to one, you are committed to that one. Nobody wants to be the second fiddle.

(Please don't take offense. I just don't like cheating.)

How about controlling your own lust and be responsible for your own good behavior? That's a start and changing jobs will not change your lust, just redirect it to another. Leave the female alone and stick with hi and bye. That would be professional and business like.

Don't blame your lust on a lack of boundaries of good behavior.

Thanks everyone for the valuable advice. I will make a difference by changing myself. Lust is extremely difficult to conquer, I am just diverting my attention by pursuing my hobbies so that lustful thoughts don't surface up. Hope it works.

Thanks once again!!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by geek1910

Thanks everyone for the valuable advice. I will make a difference by changing myself. Lust is extremely difficult to conquer, I am just diverting my attention by pursuing my hobbies so that lustful thoughts don't surface up. Hope it works.

Thanks once again !!!

---

I wish your wife and you success through this.