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3 posts merged together about the same relationship to avoid confusion, and have the whole story in ONE place.
The title says it all.
Before you ask, I have many reasons to suspect.
He isn't one to hold an honest conversation, so, I'm desperate for a different approach.
If your thinking has progressed this far, why are you still with him? That says more about you now than about him. Why the desperation?
If you don't trust him you don't have a viable relationship. So instead of trying to find ways to catch him do both of you a favor and end the relationship.
You're correct. I don't currently have the confidence, nor the courage, to dump him. I'm emotionally exhausted and it's a lot easier said than done to walk out on something I've put so much into.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
It isn't a lack of trust, it's a lack of intimacy, communication, and attention on his part, and a lack of mental energy on mine.Quote:
Originally Posted by ScottGem
All the more reason to dump him and get moving into healing and into a fresh new future. Stalling around and dragging your feet only make things worse and the pain/suspicion/lack of trust/desperation/self hatred/disgust/anger last longer, far too long. You don't need that in your life.Quote:
Originally Posted by xIrishGirlx
Have some pride in yourself and take back your power, girl!!
No it's a lack of trust. What you cited is what makes you lose trust, but the key is you no longer trust him so break it off.Quote:
Originally Posted by xIrishGirlx
Thank you for your positivity. It's really refreshing and appreciated. I'm having a hard time with my own pride and power, but I guess that's a whole other topic in itself. I almost feel "meaningless" without him...Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Well, that's not good. Who are you? What are you good at? Who are your friends? What's your connection with your family? (Pssst, there are lots of unattached men out there. Cute ones even.) But then, you really don't need a man in your life to be your authentic self, right?Quote:
Originally Posted by xIrishGirlx
I'm a young woman who loves to travel and compose music and poetry. I'm good at making people laugh. I'm pretty much all on my own when it comes to family.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Well, there you go! See!! You don't need him to drain you. How about you write me a blog essay. I'm the site's blog editor. :) We need fresh material.Quote:
Originally Posted by xIrishGirlx
Looks like you are looking for an excuse to dump him. Why not just do it. You're not happy and if he is doing all you say, sounds like he's not either.
Oh my goodness, I would love to! It's been a while since I've gotten to write something constructive. I'm a newbie so share the blog details? :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
I would be thrilled!! Read this: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/blog/b...ed-686215.htmlQuote:
Originally Posted by xIrishGirlx
The site's Blog link should be at the bottom of any screen, to the left and titled "Blog."
I don't blame him, but it's really frustrating.
About five months ago I tried to snoop through my boyfriend's phone but it was locked and I couldn't figure out the passcode. He asked me later if I'd tried to get into his phone and I immediately got scared and denied it. Then, I broke down and told him the truth.
Just last night he went to take the dog out. I was in bed, and I knew his phone was plugged into the wall next to the bed, because I heard a buzz. He came in and looked at his phone and asked, "Really?"
And I looked at him like... "What?"
"Why'd you do it?"
I was shocked, and I realized he thought I snooped again. But I had been lying there the entire time.
"I didn't! I swear, I've been lying here: I didn't touch it!"
"So it just turned on and moved by itself?"
And then I thought - just a few weeks ago his phone was plugged in and charging. It vibrated and lit up because of a power surge.
We've been fighting back and forth about it all day but he doesn't believe that I didn't touch it. I learned from the first time, and I've worked a lot to finally trust him like I do. I understand why he doesn't believe, but what can I do so we can move on without him thinking I'm some kind of liar?
Apparently he believes once a snoop, always a snoop. The more you argue and apologize, the more watered down you are sounding. Stop.
That's a hard one. I would just say stop fighting. Tell him that you are done fighting. Tell him in a loving kind of tone though. Not a ticked off tone. That might ease him up a bit and then don't ever do it again. Don't be tempted to look at his phone and just try and not be around the same area as his phone is. Just avoid his phone all together. Then he will see that you have obviously lost interest and then he will calm down about it.
I'm in the dumps today, as per usual, and I need to vent. I'm hoping to also get a few answers to some of my prying questions.
I've caught my boyfriend in a lot of lies, and they went unpunished. I didn't want to start a fight, so I buried them. It's caused me a lot of grief and insecurity.
He's lied about talking to other girls, exchanging pictures with them, and blamed all of the filthy porn data in his PS3 on a roommate that moved out over three years ago.
He calls me a snoop, which, may or may not be true. But it's all driven by the paranoia and stress he causes me by being dishonest. He'll get extremely angry to defend himself, scream at me and threaten to take off.
We need more communication in this relationship because it's slowly falling to pieces, and we've both put too much into it to just watch it crumble.
I want to know why I'm not enough for him. If he is seeking out other women, even if only over the Internet and cell phone, is it because I lack something? I can't help but turn all of this pain and suffering around on myself.
I am in desperate need of support.
Why do you hate yourself so much that you put up with this and are still with him?
Young girls fall hard, I guess. He's my very first love. And I feel like if if let him go I'll have nothing to live for. It's so pathetic, but I can't control it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Of course you can! Take back your power! Let's work on regaining control of your life.Quote:
Originally Posted by xIrishGirlx
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