I have reason to believe, along w the rest of my family that my mother is either going through midlife crisis or perhaps thr is something wrong w her... chemical imbalance? I startd to write about what has happnd recently but its so long & complicated but yet so true & draining for myself & my family. I don't even know whr to start...

Well, you are going to have to start somewhere. How can we help you if we don't have a clue what is going on?

Okay, yah I know. I guess I was trying to collect myself for a second & figure out how to write this without it sounding confusing... my parents have been married for 32 yrs. They have four daughters, me included. My dad is the type to work hard at his job at the hospital & provide the main income, while my mom works at a bank she's been at for a long time but doesn't make near as much, she shops on the wkends, makes dinner every night for her & my father... they each have their routines, didn't really do anything together, vacations etc... but it always seemed like it was something they were both okay with. They were both homebodies for the most part other than my moms love for shopping.
My mom took a new position at work a cpl months ago... she's working w/younger girls, starting to dress younger, has an iPhone now & even wants to go shopping on the wkends w/the girls... (here is whr the confusing part comes in.. ) my parents adopted my daughter when she was a cpl months old... she is now 4 yrs old & living w/my husband & I with an adoption hearing scheduled for next week. When I had my daughter I was single & had no clue how to be a mother... my mom told my father she wanted to adopt my daughter & if he didn't agree (which he didnt), she wld leave him... he agreed & they adopted my daughter... a few months later I felt a lot of regret... I knew it was post partum, and I'm still convinced to this day that's what it was, I was taken advantage of... so much more to that story but moving right along...
I emailed my mom when I found out my parents might be separating & said if my daughter was too much for them or if she was the reason they were separating my husband & I wld happily take her, I wld love to have her back in my life & have always felt that way but was scared to tell her... she emailed me back telling me she was thrilled I had said that & she wld love to give my daughter back to me, this way she can be w her real mom & a father figure & have her little brother (mine & my husbands son).. my mom did everything for my daughter... they went everywhere together, my daughter was my moms pride & joy when my youngest sister moved out... because as soon as my youngest sister moved out is when my daughter came into the world... it was the perfect fit for my mothers life I'm assuming... whatever. Anyway, she brought my daughter to my husband & I a month or so ago... literally dropped her off w tons of my daughters stuff. I'm not sure what she told my daughter, but she adapted to us very quickly & hardly ever asks for my mom... she asks for my dad once in awhile as they were very close...
My dad is devastated, not only has he lost his wife but now he's lost a little girl he was so used to having around the house w/him, his granddaughter, my daughter. He never let her call him daddy... he always went by papi because he's not her father obviously & to this day she still calls him papi. My dad & my mom are at a halt right now w their divorce because they can't go through w anything until the adoption hearing which is next week. My mom is being so cold to my father... she's seeing this guy she dated back in high school, apparently she met up w him again through Facebook & they've been together ever since, and they were having an affair since December & she's admitted to this.

... so my mother is very caught up in material things right now... she hasn't been staying at the house but keeps demanding that she's taking this or that... and she's putting things left & right on the credit card that is in my dads name... but she's allowed because they're still married... my dads lawyer said he can't do anything about any of this right now because of the fact they're still married, including cancel credit cards, meanwhile she's running his credit into the ground & cld care less about her own because she's always had crappy credit.her texts & emails aren't making any sense, misspelled words, she's completely gone off the deep end, she's being viscious & cruel to all of us & none of her daughters even did anything wrong. She's accusing us of taking things from the house that are hers but yet NONE of us have taken anything, including my dad. My dad & my gma even found stuff hidden away in closets all over the house, collector barbies & toys & clothes w tags of brand names that are incredibly expensive & purses that my parents cld never afford. My mom had control of the bills. She apparently was paying them, my dad always wondered why he could never get ahead. And he never went in the closets so he never saw this stuff hidden away. Her mother & her gma are bipolar & we always thought she was too, but now we are convinced something is really really wrong. She smokes ALL the time so we hear. She smoked a lot before but now my dad is seeing on credit card statements gas charges for over 50 dollars & in store gas station purchases for over 30 so we are assuming its cartons of cigs. Plus the weeks before she left him she was smoking on cig after another continuously. Could there be something wrong w her? I mean, she's being cruel to people she once called her family. She's taking things frm the house like cd's & some of her clothes & her jewerly & perfume. Why not mine & my sisters baby albums? Why not sentimental things? We always had a good relationship w her? (excep

Talk to your dad, maybe your mom needs some help. Its not that strange that as we age we have all sorts of problems that we are completely unaware of. Maybe the family should sit down togethe,r and work together to make sure mom has the help she needs. Maybe your dad could use some help with your mom as well.

It sounds like you expect you Mom to be a certain way and when she isn't it is out of your comfort zone.
Maybe she is just letting her freak flag fly !
Kids are gone . She is experiencing a different part of her life.
Talk to her ! Part of the problem is that you don't talk.

You're absolutely right... we don't talk. But it's more my parents than my sisters & I. everything my mother does is through text or email, always has been, she's impossible to reach over the phone or in person, she always has an excuse. My gma has always said my parents live w/their heads in the sand. We try to reach out to my mom but her fav phrase is now, "noone better try & change my mind, it's MY time now to do what "I" want." we have been thr for my dad... but its like we are all so careful w our words to our mother because of the fact she's bipolar, we don't want her to hurt us w harsh words like she has my father, although her actions are hurting us enough.