What are some signs too look for if you think you're having too much contact with your girlfriend? I think I've been doing this recently, she been stressed and I have been trying to "be there for her" but I think it mite be a bit much.

If you think this is happening, chances are it is. The more you 'cling' the more she will probably withdraw. The best thing to do now is for you to withdraw, not completely, not saying you cannot or shouldn't have an emotional attachment.

Find a new direction in your life which isint your other half. You must have a life, be mysterious and fun.

I totally agree with Jiser, I have been in this kind of situation before, and well.. I understand you probably really love her, and it is very tempting to be with her all the time... but the truth is, you got to stop clinging on to her... I would say... simply don't initiate any kind of conversation with her for the next few weeks or so... and perhaps... when she realizes that she is beginning to need you back, she will come back to you... for now, keep optimistic and quit thinking how she is withdrawing from you, the more you stress about it, the bigger chance you will drive her away forever, instead focus your life on something that you've always enjoyed doing. video games? Sports? Or simply hanging with yo friends? Wahtever it is, do it//and things will be fine in the end. Good luck :)

There is no harm in being there for someone and offering your support. But it is up to them once it is offered whether they choose to take you up on it. Sometimes it can become overbearing and something that only adds to their problems. Best to make it clear that you are there if they need oyu but you also respect that perhaps it is something they need to do alone and you will let them guide you in how much support they need.

I know it can be tricky because all you want to do is reach out and hold them and help them but it itsnt always that simple.

But as Jiser said chances are if you think it is a bit much, then my instinct would tell me that it was probably been WAY too much in her thinking.

Just rmr this


Always show your love to that person, but don't ever show them how much!

Just slow down some.. you know already that you are contacting too much.. reason I say that is because you already think you have.. try this call her and say hun I am here for you if you feel the need to talk. Then let it be up to her to contact you for awhile

Gosh haha tinsign the reason I said that was because if you play clingy or show them how much you care... they know they will have the upper hand

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Originally Posted by Stunning07

gosh haha tinsign the reason i said that was because if you play clingy or show them how much you care... they know they will have the upper hand

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Is it some sort of game is it? Getting the upper hand on your partner?

I really think a relathship is a game just like life... you can't let them or life throw you around... and it happens if your being loved by someone soooo much you ten to take things for granted

I agree with the fact that you shouldn't let people throw you around. Spot on. But that doesn't mean you should throw others around either. And playing games with people is exactly that.

If you take someone's love for granted then you have no right to complain when the love is there no more.

Relationships and love in my opinion isn't about gaining upper hands and controlling each other. Trying to gain as much power as you can over the other... What an unhealthy and obviously unworthy type of relationship that must be. Doesn't really sound much like love in my opinion.

Sure I agree that early on we should be weary of how much we give to someone and to whom we give it. Agree 100%. It is wise to move forward slow and with your eyes and ears open. We also have to keep things interesting and unpredictable. Keep it spicy and always keep our partner guessing. We can all use a little of that in relationships no doubt.

But viewing that as a game and a method of gaining power and control is not what it should be about in my opinion.

Don't be too clingy. That was the problem with my past relationship. My girlfriend was stressing out and pulling away the last week we were together, but I tried to be there for her at all times. I think this is the real reason it ended. I wanted too much from her at a tough time in her life. It's so clear to me now.

I agree with skell but think about it... it happens all the time... during the relationship... you have to play it... if your partner is being mean to you... you have to flip the cards to be neutral it happens everyone argues and fights.. its not always perfect... so yes I think it is a game... you have to play your cards right in order to keep, a healthy relationship.. in my opinon...

If you have offered your support and let her know your door is open, there really isn't much else you can do. I wouldn't keep asking if I could help, or keep trying to get her to talk about it. She probably knows you have the best intentions, but she isn't ready to lean on you. Some ideas, if you haven't tried them: Send her flowers with a card... "Hope these put a smile on your face...", or rent her favorite movie and watch it with her and a big tub a popcorn-yes, even if it's a crappy chick flick! Show up with a tub of Ben and Jerry's and two spoons. Just be supportive without pressuring her to explain herself. If she doesn't open up on her own after you've made all this effort, she isn't going to.

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Originally Posted by lost??

what are some signs too look for if you think youre having too much contact with your girlfriend? i think ive been doing this recently, she been stressed and i have been trying to "be there for her" but i think it mite be a bit much.

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Give girls time and space or they'll freak out.

Let us know how it goes!

Skell...

You were spot on again but I still can't rate you but totally agree!

This is a good question and the key here is balance. When you give up all that you do to be with someone, you are sacrificing the things in your life that you enjoy to keep face time with someone. You also stop them from doing what ever it is that they enjoy. This is a good way to smother someone and keep them from friends and activities they like to do without you. Balance is giving one space to do things on their own, which is much more rewarding in the long run. You both can grow together if you both have the space to be who you are.

Thanks for all your responses, I appreciate it. I guess I should give some background info: we've been together a little longer than a year, got off to a rocky start because when we first started her ex was still being psycho (not anymore), we've had our ups and down but managed to work through most of it. I know that I'm not too clingy, I've learned that lesson in a previous relationship. Its actually her that's the clingy one, she wants me with her all the time but I work a lot and am finishing up school so I'm pretty busy. I still give her time, just not as much as she says she would like. But I especially like the point that was made several times saying "dont keep bringing it up". My kind of personality is that if there's a problem I want to solve it right away and that most things can be talked through. Now the problem she has isn't with me and her, its just things she's not happy with in her own life, mainly school. I try to talk to her about it, maybe too much, and I can see how if I keep bringing it up can be annoying. I guess I'm just trying to be supportive in the only way I know, by bringing it up directly. But reading the suggestions made I've gotten some ideas how to be supportive in other ways, just to let her know I'm there for her without bringing it up. If anyone has any other idea, please post them as I'm not the most creative person haha.

By the way, I'm usually not the one who initiates contact she is, but I've been keeping it going a lot longer lately because of this. Thanks

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Originally Posted by lost??

what are some signs too look for if you think youre having too much contact with your girlfriend? i think ive been doing this recently, she been stressed and i have been trying to "be there for her" but i think it mite be a bit much.

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I think unless you know the reason your girlfriend is stressed you should give her some space but still call her because she knows you still care and are around for her. The other altenative is talk to her, find out what is going on in her head but don't push too much because that could form a ridge between you.

Tell her that whatever the problem she has that is making her stressed you can work through it together - oh and maybe make a brew and buy some chocolates on the way home - girls love chocolates when they are stressed - try to remember her favourites - not quality street or roses though - so old fashioned.

She is part of your life, not your life - do not EVER forget that. You are no.1 and you must respect that, then she will to.

Try to have more fun in your relationship, perhaps plan a few trips or days out together and leave out heavy communication for a bit. i.e. talking about exams, work, moaning etc...