Ask Me Help Desk - One guy messing around with three girls's heads

Ashley went out with this guy Brad, and he cheated on her with her friend Casey.
Ashley dumped him, even though afterwards she regretted it because she still missed him.

Brad and Casey continued going out but fought a lot, and the only reason that they're still together is because another friend Kit is always patching things up between them. Brad wants to break up with Casey badly,he said so himself, but doesn't want to hurt Casey's feelings.

Meanwhile, Brad is paying a lot of attention to Kit, More attention then he's giving Casey And Ashley put together.

Now on Thursday night, Brad, Casey, Kit and Ashley went out clubbing together, but Casey left early. Brad, Kit and Ashley were left.. Kit and Ashley were randomly messing around with him; Stroking his hair, hands and stomach. They were all a bit drunk. And Brad and Ashley ended up kissing.

The next morning Brad says he doesn't remember anything, but Ashley and Kit drank more alcahol then he did and remember everything. Both Ashley and Kit agree that he's lying. Kit told Brad that she doesn't remember everything and is trying to piece things together, and Ashley hasn't spoken to Brad yet.

Okay we really need help, how do we go from here?

NOTE:

Ashley and Brad are taking private lessons together. They cannot stop 'seeing each other' so to speak

Casey does not know that Brad and Ashley kissed, Ashley is not planning to tell Casey since Brad does not remember.

Help!

Rule one, friendships are not worth a boyfriend ( or girlfriend) and a friend normally would not date the boyfriend of another unless it was really OK with the other.

And who would want to date someone who is so bad they move from friend to frined.

Yeah... btw, how good is this guy that all 3 girls cling onto this one dude..

Leave this drama alone, and let them figure it out for themselves.

talaniman: I can't just leave this drama because it's my drama. I am in it. It's not that easy.

ISneezefunny: It's not that he's good, he has a character. A certain sweetness to him. A kind of thing that us girls don't find in a guy all that much. He's not even particularly good looking, it's just that his character appeals to all three of us.

Fr_Chuck: Casey and Ashley fought, because of Brad.. Ashley doesn't consider Casey a friend though she is talking to her again.

Bdw, I'm ashley. I just had to write everything from everyone's point of view not just mine. Thought that would help get advice..

And all the names have been changed in case anyone we know comes across this.

Yes. You're right. It is your drama. In my opinion, ashley + brad kissed while drunk, and brad says he doesn't remember. Whether he's lying, is out of the question. You guys kissed while drunk, and he claims that it didn't happen... end of story. He's with casey. Until he messes around with kit, he's with casey.

My advice for you, ashley, is to leave. Leave it alone. Back off. Like fr_chuck said, is it really worth losing 2 friends for the possibility of having 1 guy... that messes around a lot?

... btw, there're plenty of guys out there... that have a certain character + sweetness and on top of that... good looks AND that are genuine. Not worth it.

I value my friends, I do. If I had to choose I will choose my friends. The problem is I am not completley over him yet. If I could have like a month without seeing him then yes, I can get over him but I can't because he takes lessons with me, and is now in my circle of friends so to speak.

So I see him in weekdays and weekends. I'm stuck.

He is going to break up with her, even casey knows that. Although he hasn't yet so technically he is still taken.

And a detail I forgot to mention, before we (me and Brad) were going out a similar incident happened. He had asked me out, I said yes. Me, Brad and Casey were out clubbing and me and Brad got drunk and kissed.. And I remembered I just wasn't sure it was him but was told later by Casey that it was. Is he paying me back in a way? I don't get it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ConfusedGrl

ISneezefunny: It's not that he's good, he has a character.

What kind of character? The I-like-several-girls-at-a-time character? Haha

Quote:

Originally Posted by ConfusedGrl

A certain sweetness to him. A kinda thing that us girls don't find in a guy all that much.

Riiight.. sounds like a real sweet guy to fool around with several girls at a time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ConfusedGrl

He's not even particulary good looking, it's just that his charecter appeals to all three of us.

Oh.. so you all like the cheating kind of guy? ;)

But to be serious.. why would he claim to "Not remember anything because he was drunk"?
That's never an excuse. At least I wouldn't accept it as one.

I vote for staying out of this..

This guy loves the attention that he's getting from 3 girls. LOVES IT! He doesn't want to have to choose, he'll take whichever is the easiest one at any specific point in time.

He's a total tool. I wouldn't waste 2 seconds on him. The girls aren't any better. Everyone in that story needs to grow up.

Craig80: I think he claims not to remember because he wants to see everyone's reaction.. I don't know I'm just thinking out loud here. Cos if he 'doesn't remember' about the kissing, if I believe it was a mistake, I can not mention it and leave it at that, because he 'doesnt remember' but if it meant something to me I would mention something or talk to him about it. And 'help him remember'.
I haven't spoken to brad yet.

Kit plans to not speak/text/IM him unless he does it first.. and I don't know what I'm going to do..

He just really wants to break up with Casey, I think the reason he kissed me so that ill tell her, and then they'll break up or something. I don't want to do his work FOR him.. If he wants to break up with her, he should do so himself..

I am trying my best to back off but its just about too late, he's in my lessons, he's in my circle of friends, I see him practically every day.

All I'm getting right now is Déjà vu. Everything is just repeating itself!

Before we go out, we kiss and I don't remember/ am not sure if its him
He's going out with casey, we kiss and HE doesn't remember.

First Casey helps him cheat on me.
Now he cheated on her with me.

I see a pattern I just don't know what it means in a way

Is there an actual question here? It seems to me that Ashley, Brad, Casey and Kit are enjoying playing their little "games." That said, they deserve whatever repercussions come out of it. Sounds more like a bunch of teenage games being played rather than 4 "adults" who are old enough to go out clubbing and drinking.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ConfusedGrl

He just really wants to break up with Casey, i think the reason he kissed me so that ill tell her, and then they'll break up or something. I don't want to do his work FOR him.. If he wants to break up with her, he should do so himself..

He really should have the guts to break up with her himself yes - you're very right about that, but that's really the least he should do. He should also apologize to both of you for going around your backs and cheating with first your friend, and then pretty much cheating with YOU afterwards.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ConfusedGrl

First Casey helps him cheat on me.
Now he cheated on her with me.

I see a pattern i just don't know what it means in a way

You said it yourself, first he were with you and cheated with her - then he jumps over to her and cheats with you, I'm sure you can do the math and see what will happen next..

I'll only give you the advice to try to find yourself a better guy because this one, for sure, does not suit in a relationship :p

This guy can't even respect 1 single girl in the story. If he can't respect you, how do you expect a relationship with him to work? If it can't work, why pursue him? It baffles me that these girls actually find this "man" appealing.

Three girls should be smarter than one guy.

The only thing that sucks about him is the cheating and the smoking. In all other aspects he is close to perfect. It seems like games to some people but don't forget these are our emotions and feelings in play. We are not just charecters in a story we Feel things. And that's why we can't just up and leave it. He has trouble with commitment yeah, but we (as in the girls, as friends) have things in common, and this guy just has all the qualities we all look for in a perfect guy in a way (again without the cheating and smoking)
So he's the comment perfect guy.

Just found out this now: And even casey wants to break up with him, because he does not respect her, and does not love her, she knows it herself. But she feels like she can't live without him after because she fell for him. She knows he is going to break up with her but as she said so herself, if there is the tiniest chance that she can stay with him shell take it.

The fact that we all still care about him scares me, that we're nuts about him after all the crap he put us through. Me and casey were the best of friends before him. I think he's got us under some spell or something.

When me and brad broke up, he was really sorry. First he broke his iPod, then he punched and kicked a tree, and then he cried. Which I think is why I believe that there is a tiny chance of me and him again. The time I spent with him were some of the happiest in my life, no matter how pathetic that sounds it's the truth

The actual question is: What should we do now? Should I tell him I actually remember kissing him or not? What the heck is he thinking? Does he even know? What is he even planning to do? What is he gaining by playing us? A bunch of questions I know..

And thanks for the relpies, I apreciate it, advice is really what we need right now thanks.

Quote:

I see a pattern I just don't know what it means in a way

It means you all need to grow up, and stop letting one guy pass through all of you. That's what he is doing, and your letting him. At least get a camera and make it a soap opera. He makes you ALL look rather silly.

Just what is it about this guy that's so wonderful, anyway?

Right, what's good about him?

I am amused that how do people live with those faults?
It's unethical and how do they have time for that?
I mean don't you go to school or work? You got parents do you? They don't care?

If one guy can mess with three girls heads, what does that say about the 3 girls? And their friends? In the same cirle? Who hang out together? Not a brain between them, and that includes the guy.

Haha.. what nice answers.. Let me tell you about this.. from my point of view.. (Yeah.. bdw.. Hi.. I'm kit.. )

Okay so we start.. We ARE actually teens... So yeah... Ash and I are 16, while Casey is 17 and Brad is 19. Ash was the first person to meet Brad, when she first started to go to her private lessons, then she introduced him to Casey (who at the time was going out with another guy) and later to me and another friend. I admit that when I first met him I actually told Ash 'What n earth do you see in him? He's nothing special' But what Ash said is right, his character seems to fill up the room and blinds you from everything else.

I was there when Brad first started to cheat on Ash with Casey, but I kept my mouth closed as I didn't know what to do. Later when Ash found out about Brad and Casey, well she was rightly annoyed at them of course. And me and my friend came and slightly sorted things out... So at least Ash could see Brad without trying to stab him with a pencil or something..

Ash only saw Brad at private lessons for a while, as she didn't really come out with us. While I was seeing him twice a week when we go to the disco, and like Ash said, He spends more time talking to me then to Casey, and EVERY night they have at least 5 major arguments where one of them storms of, and then I have to patch things up as usual...

For some reason, Brad seems to trust me a lot, so we talk a lot and joke around. I 'adopted' him as my older twin brother as he and I are SO alike.

Like Ash said, A few night's ago he got REALLY annoyed at Casey and actually told Ash that he wants to break up with Casey but he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. He had told me this much earlier in the evening, saying that the only reason why he is with her is because she cares for him and because he doesn't want to hurt her.

That night, after Casey left, we all went to sit down to relax an he lay with his head on my lap while I messed around with his hair, after a while Ash came and say next to him, which was when he pulled us on to rest on him, later Brad and Ash started making out.

Now the problem is... What should we do? Casey is in Love with the dude, Ash can't get over him, and the only thing that's stopping me from liking him is that he is going out with my Best friend.

This dude has an odd quality, he seems to get into your head and then you really can't get him out. Even our friend who is madly in love with her boyfriend agrees with this.

Casey and Brad are REALLY not compatible, because he always leaves her hanging or never contacts her. And she always jundges him, way to fast. And even Casey knows that the only reason he wants her is because he thinks he can get easy sex from her.

Both Brad and I have issues in committing ourselves into a relationship, while Ash doesn't have that problem. Though she is worried that if she goes out with him again then she'll end up liking him too much and that he'll cheat on her again.

And yeah... We are totally messed up... And so true, already thought about filming us for a soap opera thingy... Haha.. ^.^

Edit: Oh by the way, just to randomly state: Where we live, our drinking age is 16 and over... ^.^ Only wrote this down because Ash told me to...