I just cannot deal with life anymore. Everything has gotton complicated and I just can't seem to do things properly and get things right for once in my life. Okay well I don't even know where to start.. . Lets see, okay well for starters I always seem to screw things up for example the only I guy I ever really loved is barley even talking to me. Its my own fault though, I mean he just cared way too much about me, and I had to go and screw everything up when we were so perfect together and I just couldn't leve the stupid ing weed alone and I just couldn't quit smoking . Nope. And then of course just because of that he and I get into a fight and before you know it its all over. But me and my 'self-medicating' ways of course I have to try and make myself 'feel' better. So I go and do acid and mdma and then to top it all off a bunch of e, hmmm yumm. Anyway its totally my fault and I don't know life is getting in the way of everything and I've been running from my feeling with the help of drugs for too long. Idk and one of my closest friends is totally being overly-distant. Like she is not being herslf and I don't know every time I try to talk about any issue of hers or mine like if I try to talk about a guy or family or w.e the I'm trying to talk about she gets all pissed off and starts ignoring me and the conversation or changes the subjuct or w.e. I don't really even know who she is anymore. Im thinking about sobering up for a couple months to sort things out a bit and maybe start talking to my ex again and see if a could get another chance. He still loves me and cares about me he just doesn't know how to deal with the drugs. He can't stand by and watch a person he cares about so much to go through that. Idk hah and one of my dealers owes mr $140. But I'm never going to see that money and I know it. But I really don't care right now. Tomorrow I'm going to go see that new movie Kungfu Panda, you know the one with jack balck. You well I'm going to see that and do some e ad some acid and definitely balze. w.e I don't know what to do about my life though, I mean what I've put is hardley a fraction of what I deal with on a daily basis and a fraction of a fraction of how much stress I have to deal with. Can someone please help me? With any of it?