Gf broke up with me. Complicated situation,read below. Help?
My girlfriend and I have been happily together for 1 yr and 10 months.we both got out of a serious relationship and both had our hearts broken and so we promised that when we got together,we would be together no break or breaks up since we love and care for each other so much,so I thought.
We had our ups and downs just like any other relationship,she would sometimes mention that she needed a break during the big fights,but I would always convince her that it wasn't necessary,so we always fixed it afterwards and it was like nothing never happened.but we would learn from it and try not to repeat it again.she would always say it will only get better and she loves me.
During these fights she would also say I deserve better because she feels she's always hurting me,esp when I cry.I told her and she knows,I only cry during our fights because it frustrates me that she can never understand where I am coming from and that she needs to be more considerate,etc.she has a very strong characteristic,hardly cries etc.we eventually both adapted to each other and fights became seldom.we also practically lived together through the whole course of our relationship which makes it harder now that I moved to napa and she's still in Florida.I just moved down here a month and a half ago to job search since I'm a recent graduate and she is graduating this may.
Before and when I left we were great and still so in love.then after awhile I noticed a change.she wouldn't say I love you and I miss you as much,she would forget sometimes.so I confronted her and it upset me basically but we were able to sort it out.she was just so busy with school.8am to 5pm everyday one hour break. She's exhausted when she gets home,has to cook, study and sleep and she felt like I was somewhat a problem,due to my complaining etc.
I didn't let it get to me as much,but it still did.so 5 days ago she called and we spoke,and she asked to break up.reason was she was so preoccupied in school and focused on graduation that a commitment to a relationship would just be too much to handle now.and she said she always asked for a break before but I never gave it.I told her,aren't you happy though that I made you realize a break was not necessary,and look because of that we were still together and happy.we had so many great memories.and she's like I know,but now its like I'm overwhelmed with so much stuff.
She swore it wasn't because she wanted to be single and flirt or be with any other guy,she says that's the last thing she wants.I asked why not a break then?and she mentioned that it would still seem I'm there and she feels she has no options with me and she feels trapped and married.she couldn't leave me cause she felt she would hurt me since I am emotional and all these things.so I told her I don't want you to feel that and I am sorry you feel that way.she said she wants time to herself,focus on grad and school work.so I asked is this temporary?she said she doesn't know,all she knows right this moment she doesn't want to be in a relationship and she doesn't want me to wait.she doesn't want to give me a tentative date because what if that day comes she's not ready.its not fair she says to me.she wants me to be happy and she wants to take this time to grow and mature.
I have to say,she lives by the moment and never plans,I do the planning and always looking ahead.but she wanted to remain friends,said she would miss me and doesn't want to lose me.but I told her friendship would only complicate things and that you can't have your cake and eat it too.so we broke up.
I was left wondering,hurting,and questioning and confused.so I called 2 days after for closure,told her I realized my sensitivity as a boyfriend was a problem too and that I am genuinely sorry.I want to work it out slowly I am in it if you are.she still felt she needed the break up.I eventually respected her decision.I love her so I have to give her what she wants.
I just feel she's afraid of the future of our relationship, espeically that I may be leaving the country to work and she will be in the states.she says she wants to be with me when she can again prioritize me and be the best for me like she was before,because right now she knows she's not.I respect her honesty but it hurts so much and I don't want to lose her forever and I feel I am.and I've put myself in her shoes and it seems like its really over.I don't want her to think that just because of the distance and her priorities that we won't work.
She has commitment issues and personal issues to deal with that we both recognized.esp after her parents divorce and mom left her and her siblings at a young age,she just recently accepted that she is affected by it.just don't know what to do.she says she's doesn't want to drag me down with her cause she has personal issues to deal with etc and school work, grad, etc she's overwhelmed.
I keep thinking of everything.I find that if I hadn't left that we would still be happily together,but distance was inevitable in the long run.I can't keep myself busy cause I have no job yet and I'm stuck at home to my thoughts.I don't want to hope and I want to move on.but I feel she doesn't know what she's lost,even though she says I'm the best boyfriend ever and no one can replace me.I like to think the relationship is over but I feel in my heart it isn't but I know in my mind it is.esp that I will be leaving soon.I just want her to see that our love is so rare and it is so hard to find love now and I always remind her about all the good memories we shared,the best times and also the hard times,but we made it through each and everyone of them.but she still stuck to her decision.
Please give some advice,esp from the girls.whats she thinking?is there still a chance? Does she just need this time to herself and she will come back even though she says do whatever to make you happy?she tell me she knows she's being selfish but she needs this time to herself. I don't know if this is a test, to see if I can really give her the space she wants,or I will end up hooking up with somebody then she can say, yea we weren't meant to be?
Some forums say that when she says she's needs time that she's not interested in the significat other anymore?I just don't know what to think. I feel betrayed and cheated with a cop-out excuse. Especially after everything we have been through.I knew she was the one I still do but its so hard now that were broken up.she would say that was before,things change and she's sorry and doesn't want to hurt me.
Its so hard to accept,denial and depression has kicked in though I am trying my best to move on.I am giving her space to miss me,but I don't know if she does even though she said,when I called for closure,that she did.I care,love,miss her so much.she knows my only happiness is with her. And its even harder now cause I not only lost my girlfriend but a best friend.
I have problems of my own now and I can't even speak to her because I want to respect her space even though she says I can call her anytime I'm down or she wants to talk or misses her.I said no.before I told her that when she was ready and knows what she wants to call me.
And the second time for the closure I said we can be friends but not now because I needed to get over a part of us that she evidently is over. It just hurts so much that we both committed in the beginning and love and trusted each other not to hurt one another. I trusted her with my heart to not break it,that's how much I love her.but I love her just as much to let her go and have her space.
I just don't see why this had to happened and what is going through her mind right now.I somewhat understand and that day for the closure I texted her and I apologized for giving her a hard time, I didn't know better and that I knew she knew that I just didn't want to lose us and our relationship and her esp. I said I felt better and she replied she was glad I felt better. And I said I hope this benefits our relationship in the long run. And she replied yes! And I didn't reply anymore.
Its been very difficult lately and its just the second day. I need some advice from other people and especially women to tell me what's on my girlfriend mind. I just can't believe that I am reliving a past horror of depression with my previous ex with her. I thought it would never happen again. I always told her it took 2 to tango in a relationship and this is not a one way street,it's a 2 way street. I have to mention though that I never gave up on us like she is now,even though she hurt me a lot and she knows that. That's what hurts the most. I sacrificed and gave up so much for her only to throw it all away.but I can't blame her either because its what she wants and I have to respect that.
She also didn't want me to priortize her.she would always say think what's best for you. I mean obvioulsy I think of what's best for me but she will always be in it.she was my priority and the love of my life. I guess she always felt that it was beginning to be a burden on her because I would always ask what's going to happen in the long run, are we going to be togther or what?
And as I said,she never planned,she liked to take it day by day. And this time she was feeling pressure like omg I'm like marries. She also said that we moved to fast, dater moved in together etc. but if it felt right then, why are you making it a reason now? But yea, that's why I knew she was the one because we always had these deep converstations and we were ourselves around each other and she always supported me.
We would have little plans and before we would talk about marriage and all these as a joke but somewhat serious you cause we loved each other so much and she would come visit me etc and now its like she forgot everything and did a 180 on me and us.
It was so great that right now its so hard to let go.I though we were on the same page,but I guess not and it hurts more than ever. There is so much more I want to say about us so each one who responds can see both sides of the story to really give a solid advice. But I'm so lost for words right now just tired already.mentally and physically. I just want to be whole again. I have already spoken to my sister and her boyfriend and they say the same, she needs time but don't wait, she's obviously not ready for a commitment like you are. Move on and let go.I just wish there was more meaning to her reason. Which is why I need a woman's point of view too.
Sorry for the message being so long. I am just so confused and I wish she would realize how much hurt and pain she has caused me already. I thought being in a relationship meant love and security towards each other, never to let the other feel pain,but this isn't the case with our relationship anymore. And I am just flustered, lost left questioning and wondering why. And to think our 2nd yr aniv was coming up next month and her birthday and grad the following month. She really wanted to throw that all away? It hurts that she gave up when I had every chance to before but I never did.
By the way we are both the same age, 23.
I even told her, which I plan on telling anyone who gets to be in a long term relationship that, "Never forget why you got together in the first place." Because this will remind you and bring you back down to earth and work on making things better.
I just don't know what happened and I feel she forgot and I don't know what to do. I don't want to say goodbye. Even though it is a loss, like I said,I feel there is still hope in my heart even though my mind says there is none and to move on. Just can't seem to understand why.
Help.
26 days since we broke up,15 days of not talking. Miss her terribly. What do I do?
Threads merged, this is an update
Hey guys,
So in my recent post I explained my relationship with my ex. Now I just don't know what to do sometimes. So after my ex and I broke up, she told me no one could ever replace me and that she loves me and its not about anyone else and that she just needs time to herself. Mainly because she feels like I love her more than she does ( which I now know I do and what a mistake that was ) and I guess she just doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore. She says if its meant to be its meant to be, may it be a month, 2 months a year, no tentative date. We even said I love you to each other after our 2nd conversation of clearing the air and getting my supposed closure.
It ended well, but I guess I was just too stubborn and emotional to think logically.she wanted to be friends, at first I thought it was OK, but I did more research and realized it wasn't and I took everything she said to heart (big mistake). Anyway 2 days after we broke up, she messaged me on fb sending me a vid that happened in class and told me I would like it. We chatted for a bit and in the end she said talk to you soon. Miss you with a smiley face. 2 days after that she sent me another message asking me about the situation in California with the radiation coming from japan, cause her friend was coming to cali. It was short and sweet. Then after 12 days, I decided to send her a 10 page letter through email admitting my mistakes in the relationship basically and telling her that being friends with me and saying that she misses me isn't helping me but after admitting my mistakes and making it clear to her that I understand what I did wrong by being too clingy and never giving her space before, I told her that all I wanted was to start slow and work on building the foundation of our relationship that which made us so in love before.
But I also told her you have the option now, any decision you make I will respect and I hope she respects my decision for her to not contact me because its hard for me to move on when she made it clear she doesn't want a relationship now and I feel there is no hope and I basically just want to know where I stood.
So she texted me and said she would call later that day and before hand she was even shocked at how long it was a giggled a bit on text. We spoke and basically she said she knows what I wrote meant so much to me but right now she is happy where she is right and she doesn't know what else to tell me. Obviously she loves and cares for me but right now she doesn't want a relationship.
Since we spoke 3 times already after our break up about the same thing. I tried to keep it in and be strong but it was just so hard so I started tearing and pouring my heart to her and saying that I just don't want to lose us and what we have, etc. ( another mistake I realize ) eventually she got annoyed and frustrated and said well I have to go sleep, have an early class tomorrow. So we said our goodbyes. A couple of minutes after, I sent her a text apologizing for bombarding her with all those questions again. She replied don't worry about it she just couldn't hold in her frustration. And I basically just told her I love her and will miss her and I understand her that its not about some guy and I know you love me and miss me, etc and I will be happy again like her and I look forward to when she's ready for a relationship and again and hopefully it will be us and start fresh and anew she said I'm glad you understand and yes you will be happy again.
So I told her after to call me after class if possible. She says for what and that she doesn't want to have the same conversation we have been having over and over again. She asked what did I want to tell her and I said, just to talk for the last time. She said I want to talk to you still but not everyday, I want my space. So I said I know you will have all the space you want after I get to talk to you for the last time. She said she couldn't call me cause she had things to do and she couldn't call me that night because of homework and paper work. So after a couple of hours, I replied OK. Lets talk when you time and she replied okay.
That was our last conversation, 15 days ago. We broke up 26 days ago. But stop speaking 15 days ago. And right now, I can't stop thinking about her every second of the day. I realized that I was so needy and that I suffered from oneitis. I realized so much things. But still I miss her so much and I just want to be able to talk to her again and I wish that she was honest with me with her reasons even though I know that due to my clingyness and neediness to not give her space was really the reason she left me because my interest level to her went down. We are friends on fb still, I still see our photos up on her profile pics of being together and albums of us. It seems like she has been partying lately with her gf's and enjoying herself which is fine. I just feel like she forgot about me and even though she says there is no one else, I trust her because she swore to me. Verbatim:"if your scared that im leaving you because theres another guy or im interested in another guy dont be, i swear its not because of any of that." but still I have this gut feeling, friends think I'm paranoid but I don't know.
I guess my mind is clouded and I just can't seem to shake the fact that she hasn't contacted me yet and its been 15 days. Doesn't she miss me? She living in the apt we lived together. I mean wouldn't that make her miss me? So much surroundings of memories. I miss her and I don't want this no contact to backfire and have her move on rather than make her miss me. She already said okay after I said OK lets talk when you have time. So I'm guessing that I just have to wait for her to contact me. But maybe she forgot already, I don't know. I don't know if this is a test on my part cause if I know she waiting for me to reach her again, so I think. I don't know as I said. My mind is playing tricks on me. I'm over analyzing again which I really hate cause I just want to forget and move on, but how can you forget someone you love so deeply and care for so much.
We were together for 1 year and 9 months, loving relationship despite upside downs. We were long distance for a month and half but still celebrated valentines this year, she sent me a picture frame of us and I sent her 2 dozen roses. Everything was good. So I feel that love really is there between us. She even mentioned in her card that she knows our relationship is complicated but there is a special bond that keeps us together and that is love. Felt nice. But now I don't know anymore. Deep inside I know she loves me and cares for me and that she really just needed this space, but I don't know how she feels anymore. Before breaking up she wanted space, just a break but not break up but she said that didn't work because the next day it was like we never had a break we talked the way we did. And now its diff because I know you won't be there.
If you guys can, read my other post before this. It explains my relationship, just to make things clear, but I wish I wrote more about it, its really something else.
Anyway, I just want to know what to do, she partying and having fun and I'm here trying to have fun but I still think about her and miss her and it sucks so much that we aren't talking to each other. I miss my girlfriend and the love of my life. I just want to make things work again. I'm hoping no contact will do the trick but I don't know it might backfire. As I said its been 15 days since we last spoke. And to think our 2nd year anniversary was going to come up this April 17th and her birthday and graduation this coming may. So much things to look forward to but now its all gone.
I have sudden outburst of tears even though I try not to think about it. I hate that I'm needy and I can't be like other guys who just won't give a **** and move on so they don't have to go through the pain I'm going through. It's the worst.
So yea, just want to know what to do, what is she thinking, and hoping for a chance to reconcile.
I know it differs from every relationship, I know my relationship with her and it was so unique and different and I know our love is true which is why I still have this little hope. So I don't know if this time and space no contact is going to work. Don't know if she thinks of me and misses me even though I feel she doesn't. I don't know what to think anymore, I'm tired of going through diff articles online to find answers and look at different cases. Never been like this before.
Need a miracle.
Help.
p.s sorry for improper grammar and usage of quotation marks. Just exhausted.