I lost the love I felt, I lost the only thing that ever matterd
Wow I shouldn't even be feeling pain like this, I am so use to it! Anyway it all started 15 months ago and like a lot of heart ache and problems it started with a girl. We hooked up at a bar but I knew her before hand. She use to be with a guy I knew back in high school and since I line in such a small town.. I ran into her again. Anyway to make a long story short.. I fell in love with her badly! I would have forfeit my life for her. We had a very awesome relationship. We went places I took her on vacations with me. We were always doing things and just living life and having a great time doing so. The thing is she would lie to me over and over, she would like about little things like not having any money to pay bills (We lived together) and lying about bigger things like the reason she didn't have money is because she lent it to her brother. And there was a lot more lies as time went on. An the trust I had for her seemed to fade away. We started to go in debt and she was pulling me in debt badly. So I told her we need to take a break and you need to think about things, So she was going to move into her Parents and I got me a studio apartment for really cheap. We were still seeing each other even though it felt like we were miles away from each other when we were in the same room. It went on like that for about 2 weeks. Then one day she calls me over saying she miss's me and she loves me and wants to see me. So I went over to her house and when I walked up to the door another guy walks out wearing nothing buy his underwear. He see's me and he must of knew who I was because he jumped off the porch and ran off into the sunset! Then she walks out wearing a Bra and some sweat shorts and she tells me "I just wanted to break your heart like you did to me." At that point I felt so weak my melted and shattered and fell down into my shoes. I had to sit down right then and there on the porch because my legs couldn't hold me up (And I am a skinny guy). And now that I know its over and there is no way I can ever go back to her and for it to be the same between us. I meen she has 2 kids with 2 different guys I should have known from that alone! That was two major red flags! But love is love no matter the situation. And now I am all alone in my little apartment with my best friend Jack Daniells. Its been 3 weeks since that all went down and I can't stop thinking about her F***ing other men and how easy it was for her to just drop all that we had and how good I took care of her and her boys. I meen she is driving a brand new SUV thanks to me and I have nothing. I don't even have a heart it feels like. I have talked to a lot of people they all just seem to say the same things, You will find better, It just takes time, She obviously wasn't the one for you, Forget that b*** and go hook up with someone else. An when I go downtown to try and meet someone else I just can't stop thinking about her and I am in no mood to be around anyone. I don't want to get drunk but then I don't want to be sober. I have to get wasted just to fall asleep. Then while I am at my desk at work I can feel nothing but an empty void in my chest I feel like my heart will never be able to recover from what she has done to me. I just don't want to be alone anymore. I want to feel the love I once felt. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and when I look in the mirror I am able to smile. How long is it going to take? What else can I do to get over her and to be happy again? Is going and hooking up with someone else a good idea? Will someone please help me! I beg you! :( :( :(