I know I give lots of advice... I try to take my own advice. I would like to try to share a brief description of the situation and would love for you all to give me your thoughts, opinions and advice on it...
Okay I have a uncle who was living with my family for a long time. Even before my wife and I got together my uncle was there. Since being with my uncle, I have felt like I was doing everything for him. Thinking I was helping him out. Things needed to change because I have a little boy and we needed a lot more room. My uncle did not want to do anything on his own. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping , etc... Were all done by... Guess who, plus taking care of my own family.
He finally had to leave, and he went on about how he had so much on his shoulders for finding a place. Mean while I am thinking what about everything on my shoulders. I have my own concerns about work, health and my wife's seizures and everything else. Yet he does not realize he has not had to do anything. He took the easiest way out, and his mother offered him a room. This uncle is a little over 20 years older then I am.
It seems that I am the most independent person in my whole family. Even when I am taking care of everything. The one time I speak up about it or share my feelings about something I did not like. All of a sudden I am treated like the black sheep of the family.
So this uncle moved an hour away. I dropped off a few things for him. I told him how I was in the hospital. How I was losing my job, and there are so many appointments , etc... going on that I am swamped. I need to take care of things. He had a bunch of boxes that did not go to storage like he wanted. He pointed to the boxes, in other words telling me I have to take them back to where the storage is which is near me. I said today is not a good day. He said today is a perfect day. I was so pissed off. My grandmother was there and younger uncle so I took it anyway. I wrote a respectful letter saying that it felt like he was demanding things to be done for him and his boxes were the bottom of my priorities. He will not even transfer his doctor or pharmacist or anything else. I said it only makes sense because I am not going to be going back and forth all the time. I also said that it was not a good time for that stuff and I would have taken it another time. How if I said anything in person he would flip out and that I am not going to walk around on egg shells anymore and that I am going to say exactly what I am thinking no matter how he takes it. He is always taking things that wrong way and he will misunderstand everything I say or do.
I got a letter back, in it he called me a coward, told me I was a liar and I should be ashamed of myself and that it is a crock of s--t, I am a f---ing liar and that it is too bad I lost a uncle over this. That he can not believe I pulled this stunt with him. Wow that is the very short version. I tried returning a letter to him telling him I forgive him for cursing and swearing and calling me names. It was returned to me. Unknown person or person moved. Oh he also said that why is it when something is done for me things are okay but when things are asked of me I him and haw about it. Meanwhile I have been taking care of everything for him for years.
My priorities are with my family and keeping them healthy and happy and taking care of everything I have to and honestly this was not a good time for all this stuff. I knew he was going to over react, He took it way to the extreme and now have the family does not want anything to do with me.
At the same time I know for a fact, it is good that he is gone now, it is good that I am not around all that negative energy, and I at least can say that I have no anger, hate, or anything else in this situation. Now all I can think about is family reunions or other get togethers, what is it going to be like. Now that I am banished from his life...
I am trying not to let it get to me, because there is more important things for me to be focusing on but there is no way of getting it through to him now that he is not understanding of my situation at all and thinks that I should no questions asked do everything for him still.
I think there is jealousy here as well. I have a wife and child. He has himself and his mom now... When its family it is seems harder to let go. At the same time I am changing for the better. I need to just focus on my little family and can't get sucked in to that drama. So I know it is better off the way it is. Especially if he can not deal with anything. I am better off not to be around any of it.
Would like your thoughts.
Thank you in advance...