How can I cope when my boyfriend is dying?
I'm not exactly sure on how to begin this question - my thoughts feel like they're scattered everywhere. This is one of the first times I have actually shared my thoughts with everyone and over all I'm just here asking for advice and help. I recently have seen some other girls questions & answers on here about them going through similar things, but I just really appreciated direct responses to my situation, thank you so much (this might be a long paragraph, sorry in advance).
As you probably guessed, this questions is about my [18 year old] boyfriend undergoing cancer. Honestly, I feel so broken and torn to pieces when I think of him in the state he's going through. We're in different countries at the moment and not able to see him and we've been together for nearly two years. It's been the second day of knowing fully that he's been living with this and all I can do is cry. I have been going through stages such as: mourning/heartbreak (depression), questioning god, praying, trying to accept, etc. And it's just hard over all, hard to accept that this has to happen to him OR to anyone. As well as this, he has approximately 135 days till he dies - which doctors have told him. I know for sure that I will not be dwelling on the fact he's dying during the time I have with him, I will do anything to make him smile and talk to him as much as possible. I'm planning on making a video, letters, recordings and such to him. At this moment in time I have accepted that one day I will have to move on and I know that, and that I'll know to remember him as a person who I adored, loved and miss dearly. But I know it just rips my heart out because I wanted to spend my life with him, to be married, have kids and experience the world together - so it's hard to accept at the same time. I just don't know where to start - I don't know what to do and I'm so scared. Scared that he'll be alive one day and the next he's buried underground and never able to live again.
But I think I'll end it here for now because I'm just rambling on too much - I'm so sorry, but thank you to whoever replies to this. Thank you so much.