He wants young porn more than have sex with me
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months, we moved in together. He used to blame his inability to ejaculate with me on his medication, now I realize after he changed his med, that he watches an awful lot of "young" and teen porn when I'm not home. We barely have sex even though I try to turn him on and flirt. I have never turned him down, but he rarely ever tries anyhow, like maybe once a week. I always have a great time during sex but he has to masturbate after I in order to .
He has a history of child sexual molestation, which I've been very sensitive and empathic about and have discussed with him about how if he's masturbating a lot it interferes with our sex life and he keeps lying saying he's not but I find out otherwise but don't want to let him know I'm finding out because it's snooping, I hate snooping but I could tell something was up and if he's not going to appreciate me and be honest I don't know what we have.
He is kind to me, cooks, cleans sometimes, is affection at times, says I love you A LOT, so I'm very confused. And the "young" part about the porn worries me. I know he feels very low self-esteem because of money and also his addictions... he's also in AA and hasn't been sober for over a year ever since he was 17 until this past year and then we met. He lies a lot but says it's because that's what he always did, which I understand is normal with addictions, but it's made our relationship weak and I am always on guard. So now he blames me for being on guard and doesn't realize how much all of this hurts me. I am 36, and very attractive, he says I'm hot all the time, but doesn't have sex with me. He is 32. He thinks I do not appreciate him but lately it's been very difficult to let myself be free to love him due to the lies and sneaking and porn and lack of a healthy sex life. I am very sad over this and don't know what to do.
My instinct would be to just move on but we have a lease and one bedroom that is all out of my price range if he were to move out and I don't have anywhere to go. Please help. I love him so much but I don't feel like he's totally in this. I know he's adjusting, supposedly he's just used porn mostly for the last 15 years, but he just keeps going back to it and I'm neglected and really, the "young" worries me.