So my wife and I got married young - I was 22, she 21. We met at college and dated for a year and then we're a part for 8 months and then got back together for another year before marrying.
During the summer after our first year of dating my wife fell in love with another man. She has always had a hard time being alone (drug abuse and a hard time taking care of herself, getting up in the morning) and after two weeks of being a part over the summer she slept and continued to have an intense emotional relationship with her ex-boyfriends high school friend. This absolutely destroyed me, especially since we were on a lease to live together next year. I had hope for us, that she would come back to me but she never did. She moved out and lived with him. Two months later she came back to me, professing her undying love for me. She said she was scared to committ to me and ran off with her other boyfriend because she was 'so happy' with me and believed our relationship to be her final one.
Anyway, we got married a year later. I have to admit I was pretty harsh on her for being with that other guy. I had overheard them having sex and read her diary (because I wanted the truth about her feelings for me - she was leading me on) which talked about how much she loved that other guy - way way more than she loved me. She chose him in every way. This made me really sad and hurt and I took it out on her quoting her diary to hurt her and show how much it hurt me.
She resented me a lot for this but for the past few months ( we've been married 8 months now) I have completely stopped bring her ex up and all the things she did with him.
I feel my wife is unstable and always has been unstable. When we were first dating she cheated on me a lot and was always running off with other guys, she has cheated on every one she has been with. However, that has all ended but I feel her unstableness has transpired in other ways. She is monogamous and does love me, however she does not ever just let us be happy.
Nothing is ever good enough for her. She changes her mind about me ever other hour and this causes me to be very distant from her because I feel she is just going to 'turn' and I'm going to get hurt because I do love her very much. At nights she is usually very loving and nice but in the morning I am usually woken up to her being very angry for something completely inane (sound I made, phone rang and woke her up, etc.) She calls me dumb and stupid and rips me a new one making me feel very bad about myself. Then she changes later in the evening calling me baby and being very loving. I am very distant because I think she is just going to change, something will set her off and she will tell me how much she hates me and start to attack me. She doesn't understand why I can't just be loving to her all the time and this makes her even more angry.
The last fight we had was last night. I want to visit my family (I moved near her to be with her) and she didn't want me to because of business stuff that she can't do on her own. She finally just told me to leave and get a divorce. She was serious. I broke down crying and we talked it out and she basically was really upset over how distant I was being. If I tell her it's because I'm scared of her (when she gets mad she will often become violent) she tells me I'm abusing her by making everything 'her fault.' If I remember something differently than her, I am 'gas-lighting' her and being abusive which she attacks me emotionally for and threatens to leave. Apparently she had been getting mad because I had been being distant (although I was especially distant because she attacked me a few days before). So, she told me how she liked to be touched and I was doing that all last night and this morning. This morning I decided to go surprise her with a few things from Target that she wanted. I gently woke her with a kiss and told her where I was going. She told me to get a few more things, I said OK, then she said she was going to write a list. I expressed to her our financial issues and that I was only going for a few things - but to write a list anyway. She got so upset and said "I should have never made up with you." blah blah slamming doors in my face and threatening to attack me if I continued to talk to her or be nice to her.
This is so disheartening, I was being really affectionate and putting me heart into it and then she just 'turns' again. It just makes me want to cry - I get way more hurt because I thought she wanted to make up and be all nice to each other, and then she just turns on me and the knife goes in further. Nothing I EVER do is good enough for her. She has to push everything to the limit.
She chooses to fight about EVERYTHING. It seems like she has a Jekyll/Hyde disorder. AM I the one to blame for her switches? Why can't she just be happy with me and let me love her? When she turns on me I secretly vow not to let her being nice get to me because I know it is fake.
She has also admitted to being a pathological liar in the past - which she disregards now. She has done a lot of inhumane ed up , and has been emotionally abusive. But, If I say anything like that she tells me I'm being a whiny baby and "do you think I want to be with you" and all these mean things. She even went on my computer and deleted all my diary entries and wrote instead "I am a whiny little baby" on all of them. I don't try to say anything mean, I just want to be nice and hopefully she won't do those or say those hurtful things but she never stops. She will just turn and become cold as ice and be the meanest person I have ever met.
It breaks my heart because when she's nice, she is soooo nice and sweet and loving and my dream girl. I can't take the Hyde personality though.. I don't know what to do.
HELP! Thanks. She threatens to divorce me all the time, should I just go? She's my whole life though. I think I'd die if I left.
I'm not a bad person. I have dated girls and treated them like princess. I'm not abusive.. she is manipulative and twists everything I say or do. She's always telling me what I am thinking or saying or doing which I'm not! If I try to defend myself against her allegations, I'm "keeping score". Even right now as I write this, I can hear her telling me I'm a "whiny little baby" and I feel like crap for being so. This is just in the bad times.
In the good times, it is good! She is kind and sweet and supportive and I believe she just wants to be loved and taken care of. I don't want to give that up.
That's what I want to give her very badly. I do want to just love and take care of someone, it's been my dream as well. However, she is very irrational sometimes. Like the Target thing, I'd love to be able to buy her a bunch of thing but I'm unemployed right now. So she thinks I'm a liar and selfish when I can't do such a thing. I still want to take care of her and when I get a job I will. I wish she would just understand that something's aren't plausible right now no matter how much we want them. It's not something to fight over.