His sudden change of mind..?
This question is in relation to a guy that I have liked for quite a long time and have just started dating. More info can be found in my other question;
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/nice-guy-likes-me-544018.html
We have been dating for the past 2 weeks - have seen each other 4 times. Our first few dates could not have been more perfect - he told me straight out after the first date that he was crazy about me, wanted to take it further and wanted to know if I was on board. I told him I also really liked him and was very excited that he felt the same. However, it is a slightly awkward situation because he had been dating a friend of mine for 3 months and had broken up with her earlier this year when it didn't work out. Therefore we decided that I needed to contact her to make sure she heard about it from us and was OK about it... we didn't want to start seeing each other behind her back. So, I rang her and she was weird about it but took it very well, all things considered.
So... here is my confusion and where I need help;
Everything had been going sooo well. He was very affectionate, thoughtful, contacting me everyday, telling me he had always really liked me etc... then tonight after we had (what I thought was) a lovely evening out in a restaurant at dinner - he told me at the end of the night that he was been feeling incredibly guilty about what we have done to my friend/his ex. He told me he doesn't have feelings for her anymore and doesn't want to be with her but feels that what we have done to her is very mean and hurtful and that he feels it is putting a black cloud over any relationship we would start up now. Therefore, he feels he needs time to sort his head out and can not continue to date me at the moment.
I told him that I would prefer if he was honest with me because it just sounds like he doesn't have feelings for me and is using this as an easy excuse to end it. But he assured me that he does and always has had strong feelings for me but feels that as things are he can't start a relationship with me now. However, he said he is not ruling it out in future.
We left it that we will stop seeing each other now. I told him that I still really like him, the ball is in his court and that I don't feel I can just go back to being friends with him just now.
So... why his sudden change of heart? Do you think maybe he does really still have feelings for his ex? Or can I actually believe him that he 'wants to do things right' with me and wait until he is ready to start a relationship properly.. I'm so confused because he has sent me such mixed messages and in reality if he really felt as he says he does... surely his feelings would overpower his 'guilt' about hurting his ex. Any help with help me out, thanks
I hate that I feel so nervous... should I go or not?
Threads merged
Hi again,
I need some help please. It is regarding the guy from my previous questions - so, I haven't seen him and I haven't spoken to him since he decided he wanted to leave things "maybe just for now" or whatever. I had a chance a few weeks ago to go out and meet up with our mutual group of friends (he would have been there) but last minute I decided not to go because it was out of my way and my car was being serviced so it would have been difficult for me to get there.
I've just been asked to go for dinner to their house tomorrow evening and I suddenly feel very nervous about it... I want to get the first time we see each other out of the way because I know it'll be awkward but I feel a sit down dinner with only him and his housemates would be difficult for the first meeting. At the same time, we only tried out the dating thing for not even a month so it wasn't a big deal... and I don't want it to be awkward forever and the longer we go without seeing each other I feel the more awkward it will be. I especially would hate it to get to a stage where I avoid my friends because he'll be there.
I'm not sure how I feel about him now so it's not that I've been pining over him. I do still have feelings for the guy I knew for the past few years but the way things ended I'm still confused and have doubts about him now... as in, I'm not sure if he's who I thought he was and was being honest when he ended things and actually needed time 'to sort himself out' or if it was an excuse he used.
I am usually a very confident girl so it's annoying me that I'm letting this get to me and I'm over-analysing and stuff...
So, my question is... should I just put on a brave face and go? If I do go, how should I act - happy and friendly as if nothing has happened or should I maybe pull him aside during the night and just say something along the lines of "we're cool yeh?" to make things less awkward for him? What do you think? Thanks!