Ask Me Help Desk - Why doesn't my wife want sex?

My wife and I are both young she is 20 and I am 19. My wife and I been together for three years and finally got married just a year ago. She use to love to have sex with me but after we got married she doesn't want to anymore. She always complains that we do it everyday and that I want it for hours not just quickies all the time. She says she wants it to be spontaneous and not everyday. I feel very different I want it mostly everyday and at least twice a day. I am very sexual person, don't get me wrong, when we do have sex we both love it and we always please each other but some how I always want more. :(

What is my solution?? Am I pushing it??

I know in my case I'm more on her side, I don't want it to be scheduled or expected. I like it when I'm washing the dishes and he comes up behind me and intiates... If you do something over and over it becomes boring. Perhaps you guys always go through the same routine. Try something new that you know she will love and she'll want it again and again because she knows that you can do soemthing new...

Buy a kama sutra book, and the two of you can try things from there... let her pick some and try those ones first.

It sounds like instead of being fun, it has become a job to her. I have found that if you help around the house, do the laundry or other domestic chores, that women are more likely to be in the mood more often. Especially helpful is to repair or decorate something in your house without being asked to do so. Helping with chores relieves some of her stress and doing things around the nest shows that you care for her and want her to be safe and protected.

I know it sounds corny, but I have had the same wife for 39 years and we take a lot of afternoon naps together since I retired.

Another hint. Never forget a special occasion such as her b-day. ALWAYS buy her something she wants but would not spend the money to buy for herself. No matter how small your budget, there will always be a perfect gift. NEVER give her a household item unless it is something very costly and unexpected that you pay cash for (like a dishwasher, if you didn't have one). Otherwise remember the first rule.

Good luck

Sex is a very important part of marriage, but it is only part of marriage.

Sex is a part of communication within a marriage, but it is only part of communication.

How are the other aspects of your communication with each other and the other elements of your relationship?

In ways other than sex, do you accept expressions of love? Is that the primary, or just about only, way you know how to be loved? Is your wife feeling "used" to satisfy your physical appetite for her body without feeling loved in the ways that effectively communicate love to her?

Generally speaking, the sex drive in females is not as strong as in males if we are speaking of sex as a physical experience. But a book of some years ago says, "Sex Begins in the Kitchen." Traditionally, we usually think of the kitchen as the wife's domain.

How the wife is treated in places other than the bedroom has a lot to do with how the husband is treated in the bedroom. It is difficult for the wife to freely give herself in the bedroom if she is not receiving the giving of the husband elsewhere!

Meeting with a pastor who is skilled in counseling, a pastoral counselor, or another trained and skilled marriage counselor may be on your road to a more meaningful marriage. Your marriage is not just about your sexual satisfaction; it is also about mutual commitment and mutual sacrifice when called for in order to meet the needs of the other person.

I think there is a strong possibility that the two of you began your relationship upon your being physically attracted to your wife and her interest to be desirable to you and to please you. In my opinion, partly based upon my memories of my own marital behavior of years ago, it is time now to move on to a more meaningul marriage based upon greater maturity and understanding.

Way too much sex, sorry not what you want to hear, sex is a part, but not the main part of marriage, and you have taken the romance out of it, and it is more like a "duty" And to be honest most couples don't have sex near that often. Yes it is time to spend the time talking and sharing. And cutting down on the sex and adding the romance

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prince 711

My wife and I are both young she is 20 and i am 19. My wife and i been together for three years and finally got married just a year ago. She use to love to have sex with me but after we got married she doesn't want to anymore. She always complains that we do it everyday and that i want it for hours not just quickies all the time. She says she wants it to be spontaneous and not everyday. I feel very different i want it mostly everyday and at least twice a day. I am very sexual person, don't get me wrong, when we do have sex we both love it and we always please each other but some how i always want more. :(

What is my solution??? Am i pushing it???

Like everyone else says it seems like a job to her. If you ask me I like it to be unexpected. It is so much better when you don't expect it at all. Remember to stay safe!

Personally, just because you have sex everyday doesn't mean its too much or not spontaneous. I rarely hear of women complaining that they just want quickies, not extended encounters.

It also seems odd to me that this started after marriage - that she didn't have a problem with this before. For some reason that sticks out and troubles me.

I know couples that have been married for years. I asked one if they thought that having sex everyday was too much. They said no, they actually strive for that. Another said they didn't have the time, but at the very least had intimate sessions twice a week.

Sometimes people think that when they get married the sex stops. Or somehow changes.

What needs to happen is a compromise so that both of you have your needs meet. Women tend to hit their sexual peak later then men also - you happen to be in yours while hers may not happen for another ten years. Being honest and open with each other is the only way to work this out. You have to sit down and talk to her about your needs, and she has to honestly tell you what is wrong and what her needs are. Only then will this be worked out.

Well, it seems like mabye she wants things to be romantic and not just like that anymore immediately jumping in the sack I think she wants something like mabye a dinner together and then go for a walk something in that direction. I think she feels like you only care about the sex, by showing her though that you care about her, make her dinner, take her out, just do something together that doesn't involve sex, after mabye a couple of days if she still is like that talk with her, ask her what's up and make sure since your both married you guys go through thick and thin till death do you part
**LD**

You know, I left something out of my earlier post. If you want a woman to crawl into bed with you, you should make sure that you are clean. Always bathe before approaching your wife. The sexiness of a hot sweaty body is great if the sex is causing it. However body odor, unclean hands, dirty fingernails, etc. can be a real turn off to most women. Strangely, wives don't always tell their husbands they stink or are dirty.

I am not saying this is your case, but knowing this cannot hurt.

Sex is one way we show our partners how much we love them. We convey heated passion and tenderness also. The most intimate moments are shared after sex when laying with your partner. That's when plans are made, your lives entwine, etc.

I really hope this knowledge helps. It's not something most of us think about, and rarely do fathers tell their sons. I have tried to instruct my own son and daughter. There is much in a relationship that girls need to know too.