Girlfriend 2.5 years College breakup
I went through the first month of college, not really paying much attention to home, and the people I associate with home. But then I went home for fall recess, and saw my ex-girlfriend, and she had a shield up; she goes to the school in the city, and I am afraid she will get this kind of "busy no time for you" attitude.
Over Fall Break we got to business and it killed me to see it wasn't the same. It won't be lke it was over the summer, and it kills me to think that she may never or never want to have any emotional connection with me in general (not just sex)
Now I know she may have gone through this already, or maybe she is postponing it, but I miss here terribly right now. I was smoking constantly until Sunday (for about a week) and then it hit me when I was sober that I really do miss her, and she was my first love so to speak. I couldn't go to sleep the other night and called her, it was almost one, but I knew even if iI left a message I needed to talk to her. She said she didn't have the time (duh), and it broke my heart... she just never has the time She let me spill out a little bit, but her response was the same, Blake no time, no time... "
I'm certain I should grow up, but it hurts to see someone I used to share happiness, share it with so many others. It hurts to see the one I still love having a blast, these long term relationships are hard, but I find ironically now it seems harder not to be, at least if we were together it wouldn't hurt... but I know even this would pain me more in the long run. How quickly I feel I can be snagged up by her.
My brother and mother said it was a mature decision to mutually breakup, and I guess this pain is natural, but I feel like I'll be losing much more than just a relationship... I'll be losing my best friend, or at least who used to be.
I've been depressed now for three days. I don't think I can be happy until I talk to her, and see what's on her mind.
Let me know what you think
