I have dilema. My fiancé and I decided a year ago when we got engaged that we wanted a wedding that reflected who we are and what we love. We decided to have a destination wedding in Cuba with our kids. We invited people to join if they wanted to share in our day and enjoy time on the beach. We also decided that we would have a small reception when we returned for friends and family to see a video and pictures of our wedding. There was also the cost factor - we could only afford so much and having a wedding local with reception and then a honeymoon was far more than we could afford. So this was our decision.

I got a fair bit slacked from my dad and people about the cost to travel for a wedding. Yet my dad said he wouldn't pay for any of my wedding if I had it here. So the people that are going I feel are upset and feel obligated to go. Most of my family has money and travel often... when its convienent for them. I have also been told that it was selfish of me to have a destination wedding because many of my family would have liked to see me get married and have the reception here.

Isn't my marriage supposed to be about me and my fiancé? How should handle the talking behind my back that is happening about this?

I absolutely think marriage, and the WEDDING DAY is about you and your fiancé. As for the talking behind your back - confront them, tell them how important this day is to you and your fiancé and that you would really like them being there. If people don't show because its not " home " , it's their loss, don't let them ruin what's supposed to be the best day of your life.

On the other hand, I feel bad for your situation, because you are absolutely between a rock and a hard place with people whom you love. Do what you want to do, and what's best for you. Enjoy your day! GOOD LUCK!

Brides make too much about "It's all about ME ME ME". This is ONE day. How is "the best day of your life" going to be ruined by the location of the ceremony? If it hinges on that, then it's pretty shallow. Aren't the people more important than the place? I say if your parents are paying for your wedding, then absolutely you need to be considerate of them. You should be considerate of them and other family members and not make them jump through this expensive hoop just to be at your wedding.

You are free to make your wedding plans based on any criteria you choose. A local wedding, a destination wedding, elope... whatever.

If you're old enough to get married, you're also old enough to live with the consequences of your choices. Right?

Part of growing up includes making choices to benefit others. Some choices draw people into your life, others push them away. It is fair to suggest that choosing a wedding in Cuba pushes some people away.

So what? You aren't going to make that decision unless it's the most important part of your thinking for this important day. Do you want it to be visually memorable (tropical beach) or emotionally/family memorable (local and everyone in the world attends)?

You DO get to pick. It's not a case of you are right and they are wrong. You are both right. And you are both wrong to assume others should fall in line with your thinking. They don't have to, you don't need them to, you can have whatever wedding you want.

Just make sure you're keeping in mind all the variables. My personal advice is this really is "just one day", but decisions like this CAN cause emotional rifts with people who feel pushed away by your choice, even if that isn't your intent, it will be the result. Keep that in mind, OK?

Having said all that, you're a grownup. Do what you want. And stop trying to "handle" people having their own opinions about, even ones only shared behind your back. You don't have to do that.

Just REALLY think this through and make sure you get the LONG TERM result you want. Either way you will be married.

I would think that whoever is paying for it, gets a say-so as to the location. If you're paying for your own wedding, then you go where you want. But, I would think wanting family and friends there is part of the celebration... but, again, it's what you want and if you'd rather have the location rather than family and friends... then so be it! I couldn't afford a honeymoon, either... but we just spent the weekend at a local hotel... after a small wedding with family and friends. It's not where you are that counts. You can get married at the courthouse and the meaning is just the same.

The thread is nearly 3 years old. I reckon it's all done and dusted by now!