I became a widow last October after being married only a 1yr and 2 months. I'm now dating a wonderful man who was widowed a little over a year ago, and he was married 42 yrs. He says he still is having a hard time getting over her at certain of the year or when he opens drawers, etc. He still hasn't cleared out one of the bedrooms of her stuff. He called me back after a lengthy conversation and said he had to tell me something,"I love you", he said. Then he said he should have told me in person. I told him I loved him too. Since then he's been different, saying he needs time, space. Do you think it scared him or he scared himself? I'm not sure what to think. He doesn't want me to say "I love you" to him because he "needs time", and he says he cares for me but won't say he loves me again. I'm not pushing it at all... as we've only known each other for a short time and he says he needs to know me more... Majorly Puzzled!

I suspect he suddenly felt disloyal to his deceased wife of 42 years.

Hang in there, get to know each other, don't put any pressure on him, be the delight in his life and the reason he smiles every morning when he wakes up.

Thanks... that's what I wanted to do, but was just getting a little scared about the whole thing. I'll let you know what happens.

Please pop in and report back now and then, and definitely let us know how it's going!

Some people need more time than others to make adjustments.

As a person who lost a wife, it can take a long time, even after years, there will be a click one day when you hear a special song, or pass a place where perhaps you had a first date, or a movie reminds you.

My first wife has been passed now 20 plus years, I have been remarried 12, and I still get a tear, and some sadness when certain things happen.

A year is not very long in a aspect of a long term marriage to "get over it"

I know it took my mom 2 years and she still never got rid of all of dads things

The love and loyalty you have for someone does not negate what he feels for you.He needs closure and time. Time is a big deal.It sounds trite but its true,he needs time.

I agree with the above, time should do it, take things in a relaxed manner and see where it goes, no pressure. Everything should be fine.

Good luck,
Javi

You've already expressed your love for one another. I would go with the wait and see approach if you want something more to happen.