Short version: I wasn't ready to commit, he broke up with me, I want him back. I live 1000 miles away and we have been apart for 2 months. He is dating other women and last I talked to him (2 weeks ago) he claims he doesn't have a girlfriend -- but I know he is dating, so anything is possible. We were together almost 4 years. He told me 2 weeks ago it was over "Move on", but then he emailed me 2 days later that he would write me "when he can." No Contact since then.

Waiting for his letter now, but so far nothing.

Anything I can do? I was thinking about giving it another 2 weeks and doing one of the following:

1. Fly out to see him -- he could get mad at me though since he said no already, but maybe this would PROVE I how much I really want him back??

2. Flowers and a note apologizing for hurting him. I just hate to think he has some girl already and that he would just throw out the flowers, though.

3. Singing Telegram??

4. No Contact. People said I tried and I shouldn't do anymore after what he told me, but I just feel like he is hurt maybe and he thinks he has to get over me because I wasn't able to commit. I don't know, but waiting around is horrible.

5.? Suggestions welcome.

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Originally Posted by applehead2007

Short version: I wasn't ready to commit, he broke up with me, I want him back. I live 1000 miles away and we have been apart for 2 months. He is dating other women and last I talked to him (2 weeks ago) he claims he doesn't have a girlfriend -- but I know he is dating, so anything is possible. We were together almost 4 years. He told me 2 weeks ago it was over "Move on", but then he emailed me 2 days later that he would write me "when he can." No Contact since then.

Waiting for his letter now, but so far nothing.

Anything I can do? I was thinking about giving it another 2 weeks and doing one of the following:

1. Fly out to see him -- he could get mad at me though since he said no already, but maybe this would PROVE I how much I really want him back????

2. Flowers and a note apologizing for hurting him. I just hate to think he has some girl already and that he would just throw out the flowers, though.

3. Singing Telegram????

4. No Contact. People said I tried and I shouldn't do anymore after what he told me, but I just feel like he is hurt maybe and he thinks he has to get over me because I wasn't able to commit. I don't know, but waiting around is horrible.

5. ???? Suggestions welcome.

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Don't send anything/dont go there... I made that mistake. Seems nice doesn't it? I know how you feel. But sending flowers and being the normal caring person you are only drives him further[okay for me it was a her). U appear needy still. Your best bet is to improve yourself, act like(and believe) you're okay with his decision now and possibly imply you've met someone also but leave the rest yourself a complete mystery. No contact. Give it time then. Don't lie but there's no harm in creating mystery. What are you sitting at home doing? Wondering what their doing? Make him wonder about you. This is just one solution and I don't know if its right but I'm going through the same thing. I fell for the girl I broke up with when she chose to disappear
[flowers?: I sent her flowers@ work because it was a rainy day/she was sick/above all I wanted to put a big smile on her face -HER INTERPRETATION: I sent her flowers because I was being spiteful she was happy with her new guy friend. She blocked my AOL AIM] don't send stuff.

Hi there, I think since he has told you to move on, the best thing would be to stop all contact. But that's easier said than done right.
So maybe what you could do is send one final mail. Try not to sound needy or desperate or anything. Try to be slightly formal, tell him that you still think of him and was wondering if there was any chance to get back together and give it another shot. But also tell him that you respect his decision too and don't want to force anything on him. Finally ask him what he thinks and tell him that if he still feels there is no future for the two of you to let you know once and for all and that you will respect that and end all contact.
And listen, if he does say he wants to end it, you have to end it.
As hard as it may be, time is a healer. You have to move on sweetie. Cos anymore contact after that will only push him further.

Oh and I do so agree... dont send any stuff... nothing at all. One last mail that's it.

I'll vote for your option #4. He's moved on so you should do the same. You admitted yourself that you weren't ready to commit and I can therefore infer that he wanted more than you were prepared to give so he broke it off with you. I have to ask now, why the sudden change of heart? Do you now all of a sudden want to commit when you didn't previously? That puts up a huge red flag right there and if you contact him I'm sure he'll feel the same way. That said, my suggestion is that you put this one behind you. If you're not ready for any kind of commitment it shouldn't be a big issue anyway.