THE POINTS SYSTEM
For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman
happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects... Sorry,
that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system.
Simple Duties:
You make the bed... +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows... 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets... -1
You leave the toilet seat up... -5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty... 0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex... -1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom.. -2
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with
wings... +5
But return with beer... -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something... +5
You pummel it with a six iron... +10
It's her father... -10
Social Engagements
You stay by her side the entire party... 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
drinking buddy... -2
Named Tiffany... -4
Tiffany is a dancer... -6
Tiffany has implants... -8
Her Birthday
You take her out to dinner... 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar... +1
Okay, it is a sports bar... -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night... -3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team... -10
A Night Out With The Boys
Go out with a pal... -5
And the pal is happily married... -4
Or frighteningly single... -7
And he drives a Mustang... -10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)... -15
A Night Out
You take her to a movie... +2
You take her to a movie she likes... +4
You take her to a movie you hate... +6
You take her to a movie you like... -2
It's called DeathCop 3... -3
Which features cyborgs having sex... -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans... -15
Your Physique
You develop a noticeable potbelly... -15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid ofit... +10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to wearing
jeans and baggy Hawaiianshirts... -30
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too"... -800
The Big Question
She asks, "Do I look fat?"... -5
You hesitate in responding... -10
You reply,"Where?"... -35
Communication
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what
Looks like a concerned expression... 0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes... +5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV... +10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep... -20
