Well I've had this thought for a long time now. Im 24 now and its probably been since I was in middle school since I've hated my life. I have wanted to do it so bad for the last half of my life but I cant. I suffer everyday wishing I could. I am a new father of a 2 month ild who is my world but after my ex and I broke up I barely see him. I grew up with barely a dad and id hate to do it to him. But I figure if I can do it before he really knows who I am then his mother can find him a new dad. Anyone know a contract killer to preform the act of ending my life cause I juat cant. As I sit here I have a knife but so scared of the pain that couldn't even compare to what I've felt over the years. I need someone to help me commit this act. If you would like to help me I will tell all the bad that has happened to me if you need more reinsurance that it is the best for me.

Tell all the bad then, and keep on posting. No one here would help you commit with a knife, yes, it would hurt a lot. Why a knife though? Why not a drug? Why not drowning?

If you are here explaining how you want to go, then you are not ready to leave us just yet

I don't know how to do it. Anyway I would like I still wimp out on. It just makes it worse. I would rather be gone then suffer everyday. I just need someone to help me I can pay them so if you can't butt out.

Have you tried counseling? You may think it will be easier on your baby but it won't. We can ask you what is so bad that can't be fixed but having a real person one on one working with you is what you really need.

But out, no way, you don't call the shots on this forum. We can't physically help you, so why are you here telling us this ?

Okay,how much money have you got, I will be right there ! You are positively no where right now, so all you have is us, here, right now... I am in Canada, this is an international site, so you have our attention in the UK, Asia, US, Australia, New Zealand, South America... I can go on an on, do you want me to

I was supposed to go on the 6th but that was only to get my baby's mother back. But she has moved on in less then a month so what the heck for now. I didn't really have a father and this is how I turned out. So if he has a new dad he will not be me. I don't want him to have the same anger, bipolar and other crap wrong with me so I want to be away from him and the only way is to be gone. Nothing will help I won't change believe me I've tried I am just tired of trying. I don't want to stay awake at night holding my chest cause I'm either crying so hard or I can't breath and my heart hurts. Ive had enough of that.. I think half my life is enough I don't need to suffer anymore. Its not fair

You could keep my interest for quite some time tonight, it is 6:20 my time

Im in Michigan so your close. I have about 800 dollars and I will write a contract or no names it don't matter. I just don't think any one knows how it is waking up and wishing you didn't. Hating everything you do never smiling crying more then you eat and knowing nothing will change. I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy

OK I'm going to get practical. The trouble with paying someone to kill you is that they will take the money and not kill you. No matter what plan for that you can think of, it won't work. They know that the odds are good that they will go to jail for murder, and what good is money then?

In some cultures it's easy to kill yourself with a knife - Japan for one. At least in times past.
In war, men fell on their swords.

In the modern world, women tend to take overdoses while men tend to use more violent means like guns and car crashes.

I understand how you feel. I also know that getting on the internet asking for someone to kill you is absurd and you know it, and you are really looking for a place to talk.
So talk. Tell us what went wrong, back then and now.

You really believe your not being around will make him not like you? Wrong! My son never got to know his father and they are both bipolar, ADHD and the whole sha-bang. You would be better to study your issues, learn and get treated so you can guide your son in how to deal with it if he starts showing signs.

I was thinking I should go to war so my chances are greater that I won't come home. Its worse to not be able to do anything then to want to do it. I just don't want to leave the way my grandpa did and not be able to say bye

Are you saying your grandfather got killed in war or he killed himself? Have you ever gone for mental health counseling? Are you on meds for your mental health issues? The military will not take you as long as you have mental health issues.

No I was going to but there is no need I don't see the point. But no he had a stroke and went into a coma and died. I just don't want to lose my son completely over time like my father did

You need to find a way to turn your life around and make things positive. I know it is easier said than done but dying isn't the answer.

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Originally Posted by whycanti

I just dont want to lose my son completely over time like my father did

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Is that the main problem you see in your life right now?

Well I didn't really care that I didn't have a father and still really don't but I just imagine how he feels. I don't want to go through that but the main problem is I hate waking up and I hate everything about my life

Quote:

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Originally Posted by whycanti

Well I didnt really care that I didnt have a father and still really dont but I just imagine how he feels. I dont wanna go through that but the main problem is I hate waking up and I hate everything about my life

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List four things you hate.

What would be some realistic changes you wish you could make to NOT hate your life? Job, where you live, friends, etc..

Waking up wishing I didn't, I hate sitting on my couch cause I have no one to sit next to, I hate looking at myself in the mirror I'm surprised I haven't broke them yet and I absolutely hate looking into my sons room and him not being there or anywhere for that matter. You know what I already have lost him so great that's what's giving me that push. This isn't getting anywhere thanks people