Ask Me Help Desk - Does anybody have the same experience.

Hi,

I have been married for 8 months, have known my husband for more than 2 years and we lived together the majority of the time. I have always, right from the start, known that he is a slightly nervous person. We all know: accept or reject... right ?

Anyway, he can be quite compulsive with certain things.
Let me explain...

He can wake up in the middle of the night and ask me where, to give an example, that scented candle is that he gave me 1 year ago...
Needless to say that I don't always know the answer directly or are simply not in the mood to answer this at 3am...

It is getting worst though...
He needs to get out of bed and find that specific object otherwise he cannot sleep.

In the past week I have lost a lot of sleep over this... and I have simply refused to get up and help him look for things... because if I do this, then I am driving myself nuts...

He does not want to get counseling or see a psychologist, but I just don't know how to deal with this... There are days when I am perfectly patient and can let him deal with it, but then I have days where I get very irritated and think: oh, here we go again...

Where it comes from ?
I don't know, I am not a shrink.. But I do know that he always seems to loose things, he panicks instantly and when he finds it 10 minutes later (on a lucky day) he is all calm-ish again.

Does any of you have the same experience... I would like to share, because I am reaching the point that I don't know what to do about this.
I went to see the doctor who gave me a prescription for an anti-depressant for ME... and I thought: this cannot be good, I am not the one with the problem here.. I am getting a problem because of my husband's problem!

All your words of wisdom are more than welcome...

Dutchie

Is he aware that this is a problem? Does it bother him that he is like this? I am not a professional but it sounds to me like anxiety. I am like that to a certain extent. My best friends husband is just like that and it drives her absolutely insane-in fact she is taking an anti-depressant herself. It seems like to me his mind is just racing with thoughts and it is hard for him to relax unless he solves his problem. It sounds a little compulsive too. Would he be willing to just go to his regular doctor and maybe try anti-anxiety medication? Men are so stubborn to this sometimes but if he tried he would probably feel so much better. I have taken anti-anxiety pills before and they worked for me. I don't anymore-for some reason I am more relaxed but when I start to feel that way sometimes it helps me to make a list of things that are on my mind.

Hi,

Yes, he is aware that he has the problem.. but you said it: Men can be so stubborn...
However, we are reaching the point where he starts to see something needs to happen.

Thank you so much for your reply, it has helped me.

Thank you

You're welcome... if I can think of something else I will let you know. Hopefully someone else will reply so you can have other outlooks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by gypsy456

Hi,

I have been married for 8 months, have known my husband for more than 2 years and we lived together the majority of the time. I have always, right from the start, known that he is a slightly nervous person. We all know: accept or reject... right ?

Anyway, he can be quite compulsive with certain things.
Let me explain...

He can wake up in the middle of the night and ask me where, to give an example, that scented candle is that he gave me 1 year ago...
Needless to say that I don't always know the answer directly or are simply not in the mood to answer this at 3am...

It is getting worst though....
He needs to get out of bed and find that specific object otherwise he cannot sleep.

In the past week I have lost a lot of sleep over this... and I have simply refused to get up and help him look for things... because if I do this, then I am driving myself nuts...

He does not want to get counseling or see a psychologist, but I just don't know how to deal with this... There are days when I am perfectly patient and can let him deal with it, but then I have days where I get very irritated and think: oh, here we go again...

Where it comes from ?
I don't know, I am not a shrink.. But I do know that he always seems to loose things, he panicks instantly and when he finds it 10 minutes later (on a lucky day) he is all calm-ish again.

Does any of you have the same experience... I would like to share, because I am reaching the point that I don't know what to do about this.
I went to see the doctor who gave me a prescription for an anti-depressant for ME.... and I thought: this cannot be good, I am not the one with the problem here.. I am getting a problem because of my husband's problem !!

All your words of wisdom are more than welcome...

Dutchie

I am married for 26 yrs. My sister-in-law started like that 25 yrs. Ago and ended up in rehab.She is not a drug addict, but she acted differently than a normal person, such as she always thought that she is fat, in fact she was skinny, that's why she doesn't eat well. Also, she is quite lazy, that she could hung all her used clothes at the open garage, if it rained then it washed, if it shined,then it ironed. Better seek a psychiatrist help, you're only married 8 months, more complicated things will be coming, and it will drive you out of your mind.

He needs to seek help. If he will see an MD, that's a start. Would he see a psychiatrist if his MD suggested it? Better yet, have his MD make the appt! He may need medication, but I doubt you do! Plus, anti-depressants can have lasting side effects on people. If you aren't depressed, you shouldn't be taking them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chiong_56

I am married for 26 yrs. my sister-in-law started like that 25 yrs. ago and ended up in rehab.She is not a drug addict, but she acted differently than a normal person, such as she always thought that she is fat, in fact she was skinny, that's why she doesn't eat well. Also, she is quite lazy, that she could hung all her used clothes at the open garage, if it rained then it washed, if it shined,then it ironed. Better seek a psychiatrist help, you're only married 8 months, more complicated things will be coming, and it will drive you out of your mind.

Hi,

I think this is slightly different from what I have described, however I can see your point.

:)

To all who responded... thank so much for your time and effort to give your feedback.

My husband has taken the step to see someone and it is a relief.
I will go with him to the counselor whenever the time is right, but for now it's "his thing" and he is learning to react in a different way.

Thanks again !

He needs professional help

Oh I'm so glad he's making an effort. I think it takes a lot for people to get help-especially men. I'm surprised as many views as your question has gotten that there are not as many responses, but anyway I am glad your husband is getting some help. I hope it works out.