My 52 daughter shows no respect and is very hateful recently had to call her to come and get me at the hospital because her father took ill very suddenly and Iam ill can't cope or drive I was a good parent have never ask for help before what should I do she does not understand

What does she not "understand" why is she hateful, have you asked her ?
Often parents and children have very ( and I mean VERY) different memories about growing up. I was recently talking to one of my grown boys, he was going to Spartanburg SC and I told him to go the Beacon to eat, and said it used to be one of his favorite places to eat when we lived there. Not only did not remember ever eating there, he honestly did not remember living in SC. Now he was only 5 or 6 at the time, but to me, this was a great memory, he did not even remember it.

I have a feeling she is going through something too, and she didn't want to mention it if her father was ill enough to be in the hospital, so she got angry and resentful instead. You don't say how far you live from her, or if she works etc, or has problems too, or whether you could take a taxi or a neighbor could drive you. She may be feeling guilty about what the future holds for both you and her father.
Why not ask her in a nice way? Ask her if anything is wrong (marriage? Finances? Grown children?), and tell her you are sorry for having to ask her to do this, even if it's something she should volunteer to do.
Parents can't count on grown children any more than grown children can count on parents. You need to make other arrangements if you and your husband are both going to need a lot of care at medical appointments.

What doesn't she understand?

Thank you for responding, she does not understand that I am sick and can't take care of her dad I have stage 3 copd and have times they put me on high dose steroids and having trouble breathing and cannot help her dad who fogets his meds etc, this is the 1st time I have ask for help from her my son is the one that always help when it was needed but he died suddenly in feb she is very hurtful and won't even try to get it, I am thinking she just does not want to be botherd and getting mad is her way of not helping.

Wow - you've just lost your son, you have to be grieving, and you and your husband are both sick. That's a lot going on.

Have you had issues with your daughter in the past, or is this something new?

Have you tried talking to her?

I'm so very sorry about your son.

Thank you, yes, she just gets mad and yells says I need to figure out how to deal with it, which I will, but I don't understand why she is so mean really hurts,she was like that with her grandmother when she was sick too, did not think she would be like that with me my mom got her feelings hurt all the time but my daughter was there taking anything she could when she died. She is always there for her friends but no time for her parents they think she is wonderful or that's what she tells me very confused on if I should just not call or try to contact her anymore?

She's hurting you too much. It may be something deep seated about dealing with death - or she's just plain selfish, who knows (you must have SOME inkling). But that's just a reason, not an excuse. So don't ask her anymore, and have Visiting Nurses arrange Medicare help, and find out what Social Services there are for driving seniors to doctors, and wait. She may realize what she is missing.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

She's hurting you too much. It may be something deep seated about dealing with death - or she's just plain selfish, who knows (you must have SOME inkling). But that's just a reason, not an excuse. So don't ask her anymore, and have Visiting Nurses arrange Medicare help, and find out what Social Services there are for driving seniors to doctors, and wait. She may realize what she is missing.

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Thank you this is what I was thinking too it is just sad :(

Hi Patty,
As a former geriatric nurse, I really don't like to hear that when seniors are in need they have a difficult time getting the help that they need from those around them.
As far as your daughter goes, I don't have an answer for you, I wish I did.
I've seen really great family members, and some mediocre, and some I wish I'd never met.

You are going through a lot, and to have recently lost your son, my heart goes out to you.
My thought here was this. Do you attend church?
And if so are there members there who could possibly assist you with some of your transportation needs?

I wish you and your husband the best and I truly hope you find the resources you need to help you with these issues.
Again, my thoughts are with you.

This is not really too uncommon, many children don't feel they have the time or are too busy with their work and life. Does she have a job, would she need to take time off from work, is she having money issue and would taking off work be hard on her.

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Originally Posted by LadySam

Hi Patty,
As a former geriatric nurse, I really don't like to hear that when seniors are in need they have a difficult time getting the help that they need from those around them.
As far as your daughter goes, I don't have an answer for you, I wish I did.
I've seen really great family members, and some mediocre, and some I wish I'd never met.

You are going through a lot, and to have recently lost your son, my heart goes out to you.
My thought here was this. Do you attend church?
And if so are there members there who could possibly assist you with some of your transportation needs?

I wish you and your husband the best and I truly hope you find the resources you need to help you with these issues.
Again, my thoughts are with you.

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Thank You for the well wishes I will be ready next time and won't ask for her help again still in shock over her bad behavior :(

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LadySam

Hi Patty,
As a former geriatric nurse, I really don't like to hear that when seniors are in need they have a difficult time getting the help that they need from those around them.
As far as your daughter goes, I don't have an answer for you, I wish I did.
I've seen really great family members, and some mediocre, and some I wish I'd never met.

You are going through a lot, and to have recently lost your son, my heart goes out to you.
My thought here was this. Do you attend church?
And if so are there members there who could possibly assist you with some of your transportation needs?

I wish you and your husband the best and I truly hope you find the resources you need to help you with these issues.
Again, my thoughts are with you.

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Wow - again, too "good" for just a "like." Very, very true.

My late husband was in and out of the hospital for years. I saw family members of other patients who fit into every category - downright abusive, neglectful, concerned, not concerned, neutral. Very often the family support (or lack thereof) was shocking.

In my area the Red Cross provides transportation as do specialized Associations - Heart Association, Cancer, etc.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Wow - again, too "good" for just a "like." Very, very true.

My late husband was in and out of the hospital for years. I saw family members of other patients who fit into every category - downright abusive, neglectful, concerned, not concerned, neutral. Very often the family support (or lack thereof) was shocking.

In my area the Red Cross provides transportation as do specialized Associations - Heart Association, Cancer, etc.

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Thank You yes very shocked at our daugters response I always took care of my parents and so did my husband she was raised in loving home and that family came 1st so I don't know :(