I'm in love with my wife's sister. I can't get her out of my head. I fantasize about how we'd spend our lives together. Being around her I get a pain in the gut looking at her knowing I can't have her. What can I do to get over her?

You can examine your relationship with your wife. You can TALK with your wife about what you are missing, and what she is missing. Couples often forget that marriage is ongoing work, and they become comfortable strangers, or uncomfortable roommates, either way you look at it.
You can tell your wife that you want to stay away from her sister and tell her why, and ask if she will go for couple counseling with you.
You can get a divorce, and then hope that the object of your fantasies is responsive. If not, there you are, out in the world alone.

Moose, instead of allowing your thoughts to focus on your sister-in-law redirect to them to ways to work on your marriage.

What is going on with your wife and married life that is allowing your thoughts to stray into dangerous territory?

Are the fantasies about your sister-in-law or about running away from your everyday life and stresses?

You can concentrate on the fact that if you go forward with the sister you will totally destroy one family. I wouldn't want to be that person, but that is just me.

Are you sure it's love? Because you can not minus her sister (your wife) from life even if you ended up in future with your sister in law. I think you need reality check. Don't destroy your marriage. Focus on real life.

I agree with the others and add shatter the fantasy by imaging you divorcing your wife, going to the sister to 'confess your love' and she tells you get lost

"Being around her I get a pain in the gut looking at her knowing I can't have her. What can I do to get over her."

I know the feeling - this question gives me a pain in the gut.

I say the next time there's a family get together you announce your love for the sister. I'm sure the sister and your wife will talk it over, perhaps flip a coin, see who ends up with you. I'm not sure who gets to "keep" you, the winner or the loser.

Or you'll be thrown out of the family.

Either or.

Hey, there was a TV show, "sister wives" maybe he can just have both.

Or move to a country where it can happen. I have seen too much here this year.

But just stop being around her, as much as possible.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I say the next time there's a family get together you announce your love for the sister. I'm sure the sister and your wife will talk it over, perhaps flip a coin, see who ends up with you. I'm not sure who gets to "keep" you, the winner or the loser.

---

Sounds like a good Jerry Springer episode to me. I think you got the right idea there

Who was it that sang, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you'll get what you need"

I'm not going to jump to the conclusion that there must be something wrong with your wife, or your marriage, because you have become attracted to another woman. (who happens to be your sister in law)

There is, however, something wrong with you, not being able to control your thoughts and understand your emotions, in order to get past this infatuation with the other woman.

This is not some tribal instinct, centuries old, that is driving you to want this woman, for procreation, even if it comes at the end of a club.

You need some common sense here. Going beyond where you are now, to flirting, chatting, finding a way to be near her, etc. is heading down a very slippery slope, that will affect the lives of many.

Try making a list of all those that will be directly impacted should you follow through on this 'love' you feel for the other woman. Start with your wife, "her" husband, your children, her children, your mother/father, her mother/father, other adult siblings, cousins, co-workers, neighbours, close friends, lawyers, judges, bank accounts, cars, other assets, insurance policies, child/spouse support, etc. etc. etc.

And to end up with what?

Did this feeling just suddenly happen or have you had these feelings ever since you met her?
Does your wife notice anything different about you when you are around her sister? Are your friendly with her sister? Does her sister have any idea of how you feel? These are all things that you need to look at. You need to get some counseling to deal with these misplaced emotions. Stress like that can kill you. Get some professional advice and re examine WHY you feel that way. It is human to suddenly be distracted by someone else and there are no real answers for it.

While its impossible to control what feelings we have we do have an obligation to control what we do about them, and if you practice staying within the boundaries of good behavior, in time you will not be so haunted by those feelings and eventually deal with them appropriately.

Sometimes you have to make yourself scares around them, and deal with the guilt, shame, frustrations, and even jealousy in a positive way and physically change or remove yourself from the situation. When feelings overwhelm us to change our thoughts we have to take actions that changes the focus to something else so it helps to have a chore or task ready to engage in. This will keep reality in front of you and fantasy in its place.

I question the "in love" part - ?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I question the "in love" part - ?

---

''in fantasy''

Its lust he feels and until he deals with the lust in positive ways there can be no healthy love with his SIL, and they all will suffer from his shortcoming.

For now until the OP comes back with ages, and how long he has been involved with his now wife, I chalk it up to personal inexperience with dealing with his own feelings, maybe he has never dealt with feelings of lust this intense and mistakes them for love instead of recognizing the LUST.

It could be. There are a lot of unanswered questions. What is his age, and how old is the sister and wife? How long has he been married... I put these in a post but no response yet. It's a complicated situation and without knowing more details, hard to give any advice at all.