I don't care if my boyfriend has friends that are girls and texts them and stuff. I don't own him and he's allowed to have friends. But there's this one girl I just can't stand him talking to. After my best friend and her boyfriend broke up, this girl did stuff with him right after. And the girl and my friend were friends too. Not anymore. She also lied for months about doing stuff with the guy for months until we found out. I understand they were single but I'd never do that to a friend. Then she made out with a guy my other friend liked and they were really good friends too. Not anymore. I just found out that she made out with her best friends boy right after that boy took her best friends virginity. In the same bed. My boyfriend knows about all this stuff and he told me he stopped talking to her. He's asleep and I heard his phone go off and she texted him. It was a reply text so obviously they were talking before that. He lied to me. And one day I had to find out over an Instagram comment that they were hanging out. He didn't text me at all that day. I'm just worried he's doing this hoping something's going to happen. I'm not sure I just am really upset.

“but I'd never do that to a friend” Try as we may we cannot put our morals and good decision making on other people. It just doesn’t seem to stick.

“He's asleep and I heard his phone go off and she texted him.” Snooping were we? Nothing good comes from snooping. You must not trust him. Maybe you have reason to and maybe you don’t. I just don’t care for snooping. People who snoop don’t have a strong relationship so I guess if you throw this in his face something with the other girl may happen.

Whatever this girl has done with other people and all that timing you mentioned has absolutely nothing to do with your relationship.

If your boyfriend won't stop texting her and you don't like it, dump him. It is really that simple.

You snooped, he lied, so why is he still your boyfriend? Same guy you didn't trust last year, or a new guy you can't trust.

As you said, you don't own him. You also cannot control him. By saying that he is 'allowed' to have friends, it implies you can give and take away that permission. You can't. It isn't yours to give or takeaway.

If you attempt to force him into doing what you want, then it will backfire. You seem convinced he is looking for more than friendship with this other female, but I can't help but wonder if he is only trying to be a friend. Is there proof she has done what you have accused her of doing or is most of it rumor? (Just something to think about.)

It all comes down to the only person you can control is yourself. If you believe you cannot trust him, walk away.

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

“but I'd never do that to a friend” Try as we may we cannot put our morals and good decision making on other people. It just doesn’t seem to stick.

“He's asleep and I heard his phone go off and she texted him.” Snooping were we? Nothing good comes from snooping. You must not trust him. Maybe you have reason to and maybe you don’t. I just don’t care for snooping. People who snoop don’t have a strong relationship so I guess if you throw this in his face something with the other girl may happen.

Whatever this girl has done with other people and all that timing you mentioned has absolutely nothing to do with your relationship.

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Obviosly not but considering her past I'm worried she's going to repeat it and with my boyfriend. Also he lets me on his phone whenever so I was not snooping.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

If your boyfriend won't stop texting her and you don't like it, dump him. It is really that simple.

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Not when I've been dating him for over a year

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Originally Posted by joy2theworld

Not when I've been dating him for over a year

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Doesn't matter if he is lying and chatting with this girl. You either put up with it or not. Is the same guy you were having problems with before?

You contradict yourself so much. You say, he can have friends, he's allowed (sounds like ownership if you think you can allow, or not allow). But it seems it can only be friends you approve of. If it is someone you do not approve of, then he can not be friends with them.

Sorry it is that simple, if one year, two year or three year. The longer you wait, the more excuses. You want a boy you can control, to do what you want, how you want it, (it appears)

The lying is bad, but of course, it may depend on how you "asked" I doubt it was a quiet and nice conversation,

You either trust the boyfriend or you do not trust him. Trusting or not trusting the girl means nothing. You either trust the boy, and let him have friends, or you dump him.

I would feel uncomfortable with a boyfriend who has such a friend as this girl. It is not appropriate for her to text him, reply or not. It is very disrespectful to you.

I would also feel uncomfortable with a boyfriend who texts another woman, in the middle of the night. That too, is very disrespectful to you. It is also very hurtful for him to be arranging to meet with her, per the instagram.

It doesn't matter that you have all sorts of 'proof' to back up what this other girl is like. You cannot judge another person as rotten, no matter how rotten, or how much you have on her. It is also very rude of you, to engage in gossip about her with your other friends, behind her back.

If your husband had a male friend, who you know to be a lying cheater, and your husband hung out with him, going to clubs, and partying on his days off in a hotel room with a bunch of willing females, I would question HIM above all others. You may blame his male friend, but it is him, and only him, that can put you and your feelings first, and end the friendship.

Judge him, and not anyone else. Do you trust him less, does he lie to you, is he unreliable? Are your needs put above all others as far as his time, commitment, and love?

It's really pretty simple when you boil it all down, and see the boyfriend, nothing else. And judge the boyfriend in more ways than who you happen to catch him texting/receiving texts from. Stop the gossiping, which is really in your case, stabbing another woman in the back, and that is never honourable.

You will never be able to have enough 'facts' the way you are going about things. Save yourself a lot of trouble, and take a good long look at your relationship, ALL of your relationship, and see if there are just too many things about this man, that you are unwilling, or unable to fix, or work out.

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Originally Posted by joy2theworld

Obviosly not but considering her past I'm worried she's going to repeat it and with my boyfriend. Also he lets me on his phone whenever so I was not snooping.


Not when I've been dating him for over a year

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Why do you keep getting back with him after break ups if you don't trust him? (Yes, your past threads are very enlightening. Such as: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nd-805491.html )

Forget about her past. Focus on your past with your boyfriend. I know you are young (16/just-turned-17 years of age) and learning about what you want in a relationship and working with another person to build a healthy one. However, it appears to me that you need to learn how to not hold on to a relationship that has no trust.

If this were the first time you didn't trust him and you actually had been dating for a year or more with no break ups, then I might say talk to him and find from him why he is in contact with her. See if you can find a compromise. But this isn't and you haven't been. So I suggest letting go and walking away.

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

I would feel uncomfortable with a boyfriend who has such a friend as this girl. It is not appropriate for her to text him, reply or not. It is very disrespectful to you.

I would also feel uncomfortable with a boyfriend who texts another woman, in the middle of the night. That too, is very disrespectful to you. It is also very hurtful for him to be arranging to meet with her, per the instagram.

It doesn't matter that you have all sorts of 'proof' to back up what this other girl is like. You cannot judge another person as rotten, no matter how rotten, or how much you have on her. It is also very rude of you, to engage in gossip about her with your other friends, behind her back.

If your husband had a male friend, who you know to be a lying cheater, and your husband hung out with him, going to clubs, and partying on his days off in a hotel room with a bunch of willing females, I would question HIM above all others. You may blame his male friend, but it is him, and only him, that can put you and your feelings first, and end the friendship.

Judge him, and not anyone else. Do you trust him less, does he lie to you, is he unreliable? Are your needs put above all others as far as his time, commitment, and love?

It's really pretty simple when you boil it all down, and see the boyfriend, nothing else. And judge the boyfriend in more ways than who you happen to catch him texting/receiving texts from. Stop the gossiping, which is really in your case, stabbing another woman in the back, and that is never honourable.

You will never be able to have enough 'facts' the way you are going about things. Save yourself a lot of trouble, and take a good long look at your relationship, ALL of your relationship, and see if there are just too many things about this man, that you are unwilling, or unable to fix, or work out.

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This is very old but I just want to say it was not rude of me to gossip. I straight up texted her and told her I wasn't going to be her friend anymore because of the things she did (which she didn't deny) and because I wasn't going to give her the chance to do it to me. And she's still been up to the same thing. She has recently lost a few more friends because Of what she does. But as for me and my boyfriend, we are good! I didn't tell him to stop texting her, he stopped all on his own.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

Why do you keep getting back with him after break ups if you don't trust him? (Yes, your past threads are very enlightening. Such as: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nd-805491.html )

Forget about her past. Focus on your past with your boyfriend. I know you are young (16/just-turned-17 years of age) and learning about what you want in a relationship and working with another person to build a healthy one. However, it appears to me that you need to learn how to not hold on to a relationship that has no trust.

If this were the first time you didn't trust him and you actually had been dating for a year or more with no break ups, then I might say talk to him and find from him why he is in contact with her. See if you can find a compromise. But this isn't and you haven't been. So I suggest letting go and walking away.

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The last time we broke up was November so our "technical year" is in like 1-2 months anyway