My daughter just turned 14 last week and found out she is 4 weeks pregnant, I don't no what to do

Talk to her about it: she if she wants to abort, keep, or send off the baby. Dicuss with her. And makes sure she never forgets that you love her.

"Abortion" is a rather strong term to use - at 4 weeks, there is litle more than a cluster of cells. My opinion, is that she should terminate the pregnancy immediately - the sooner the better; the longer she waits, the harder it will become.

Most doctors are understanding, but make sure that she gets the care she needs - if she decides to end the pregnancy, don't stand for any delays - make sure they give her the earliest appointment possible.

Be very gentle with her, but insist that she talks to her doctor and a counsellor. Do it straight away - today if possible. 14 is far too young to have children.

She may very well want to go through with the pregnancy, but she has to be made aware of how it is going to affect her life - her boyfriend will not be around a year from now, and she may never get another one - teenage boys don't date girls who have children.

Give her all the support you can, she must be on an emotional rollercoaster right now, so try to be there for her.

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Originally Posted by Lord_Darkclaw

"Abortion" is a rather strong term to use - at 4 weeks, there is litle more than a cluster of cells.

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Wow, darkclaw has the definitive answer for a question that scientists and theologians have struggled with for years... whether that little cluster of cells is a life.

You need to have a talk with her and discuss where you are on the whole "is it a life" question. No other decision can be made until you work through that. My personal belief (note, my "belief"... I'm not going to present it as fact) is that life begins at conception.

I do agree that 14 is way too young to raise a child, and I've had plenty of opportunities to see it having been involved in the foster care system. But there are many loving couples in this nation who disparately want and can care for a child.

I believe that terminating the pregnancy would be trying to fix one mistake by making another. Yes, if she carries to term, there will be embarrassment, physical pain, emotional issues to work through, etc. But abortion is not the walk in the park a lot of people would lead you to believe either. Women who abort are often left with the same guilt, emotional trauma, etc. for their entire lives.

She's only four weeks... there is time to think this through. This is far too important a decision to "do it quickly" as the other poster suggested. Talk to her, and talk to women who have been in the same situation. Surely there is a counseling center there that could put you in touch with those women. Talk to them and see how terminating affected their lives, and talk to those who carried to term and see how they're doing as well.

Your daughter made a bad, impulsive decision that started this chain of events. Don't make another bad, impulsive decision to try and fix it... take some time to let it sink in, do some soul-searching, do some research, and make an informed, carefully reasoned decision.

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Originally Posted by l99057j

Your daughter made a bad, impulsive decision that started this chain of events. Don't make another bad, impulsive decision to try and fix it... take some time to let it sink in, do some soul-searching, do some research, and make an informed, carefully reasoned decision.

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I agree with the above statement. However, I also agree with Darkclaw to a certain extent I don't believe that life begins at conception, but that is my personal belief and I don't think I should impose it on anyone else just as those who believe that life does begin at conception shouldn't impose their beliefs on anyone else.

Your daughter is faced with three choices (note I said your daughter, not you). To carry the child to birth and raise it, to carry to birth and give it up for adoption or to abort the pregnancy. She needs to consider these choices very carefully. She needs to understand how having a child will affect her life, even if she gives it up for adoption. She needs to understand the emotional impact of giving up a child for adoption as well as the emotional impact of an abortion. She also needs to understand the impact on the child of being raised by someone who is a child themelves.

She needs to talk to impartial counselors (or counselors on all sides) so she can weigh their advice and decide for herself.

My personal feeling is that she is too young to raise a child, and that carrying the child to birth would have a serious on her life. She is still only a child and having a child on her own will end her childhood prematurely.

[QUOTE=l99057j] But there are many loving couples in this nation who disparately want and can care for a child.

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You know... I probably have issues to work through of my own still... but that is the most offensive line about adoption that I can think of from the viewpoint of a birthparent.

I don't CARE who is loving, caring or desperate.

The woman (yes woman! If she's pregnant, she's gone past being a girl already) carrying the child is the one to determine what she can or can not live with for the rest of her life.

Choosing to parent is possible with enough support, love, and help. It also has lifetime reprecussions. She has to determine whether the pros of having her child outweigh the cons of losing her teenage years.

Choosing adoption ALSO has lifetime reprecussions. Ask any birthmother if she's still dealing with the issues years later and you'll get a resounding YES! Counseling is a must BEFORE adoption, and NOT with an adoption agency. Most agencies will tell you anything to get their hands on your baby---they're paid by the ADOPTING families, not the birth families, and guess who becomes their primary focus because of that?

Choosing to terminate ALSO has lifetime reprecussions. She needs to decide if she believes that that cluster of cells is a life or if it is a cluster of unwanted cells. But it needs to be what SHE believes, not what you as her mother believes.

Get her into counseling. She needs it to be able to determine what she wishes to do at this point, and frankly--you're not objective enough to help her determine what is right for HER.

While I could sit here and tell you what I would do. That would not help you in your situation. And we might have completely different beliefs, which is fine.

Either way, it is important that you educate your daughter on her choices that she has. Be supportive, listen to her fears, her needs, and her wants. While she is still a child, she has a very adult decision to make and any help she can receive will help her make the best decision for her.

Synnen, I'm not suggesting that the fact that there are hopeful parents out there should sway her decision, at least not at a basic level. Whether she chooses to abort, keep the child, or go for adoption is the basic choice and it resides with her. I'm only trying to reassure her that should she choose adoption, there are wonderful people out there who can help. I've seen a lot of situations where adoption was not considered carefully or so the young mother would keep the child and from there on out it was a bad situation.

You are correct that she has the decision to make. But she doesn't live in a vacuum. She lives in a world where there are other people, people who may or may not be able to play some part in her future. Simply pointing out their existence shouldn't be offensive.

l99057j, I'm not saying that you're using that to sway her.

I realize that I had a bit of a knee-jerk reaction there.

It is, however, somewhat of a sway just to phrase it that way. It makes it sound as though she would not be a good parent because she's not
1. Desperate for her child
2. "Loving" makes it sound like she doesn't love her child
3. "couples" is a word that is still being used as a gentle nudge to her that TWO parents is ALWAYS better than one.

She's probably terrified right now, and watching the life she'd imagined for herself running down the drain. It's insanely easy to influence someone who doesn't KNOW what they want in that situation... they WANT not to be in that situation, but that's not a valid option.

I think adoption is a wonderful option in situations like this... but ONLY if the woman involved is really aware of what she's giving up.

ScottGem I have to disagree with you (as a parent) you stated above that it is her daughters decision and not the mothers. I strongly disagree. She is a child, she is underage and she is still her parents responsibility. Notice that you can't vote at 14 or even drive by yourself yet, there is a reason for that, you're a child at 14. Mom needs to take the bull by the horns here and decide what is going to be done. Maybe if mom had done that from the get go, the 14 year old girl wouldn't be pregnant. Just my opinion.

While I agree with Kanicky that 14 is a child I am concerned about her approach to this problem.

Here is my concern. If the mother says... ADOPTION and does not give the daughter any say in what happens the daughter might run away, resent the mother, or worse. I think educating the daughter, keeping lines of communication open, and discussing the options with her first... then hearing her opinion on what she wants is very important. Not only for the daughter, but the unborn baby and the relationship between the mother and the pregnant daughter

I have to strongly disagree with you, Kanicky.

14 or not... Doing what is right by the parents' standards is not necessarily doing what's right for the 14 year old.

IF you want to have the daughter hate you for the rest of her life for making a life-changing decision for her, then by all means dictate what she is to do without consulting her on it.

It's HER life. It's HER choice.

Just pray to God for strength and help! The answer may not be in the form you are expecting it to be, but if you pray to God earnestly and with the right heart condition he will help you!

If you need a listening ear, e-mail me back maybe I can help! I will be keeping you and your daughter in my prayers!

Brittany:)

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Originally Posted by kanicky73

ScottGem I have to disagree with you (as a parent) you stated above that it is her daughters decision and not the mothers. I strongly disagree. She is a child, she is underage and she is still her parents responsibility. Notice that you can't vote at 14 or even drive by yourself yet, there is a reason for that, your a child at 14. Mom needs to take the bull by the horns here and decide what is going to be done. Maybe if mom had done that from the get go, the 14 year old girl wouldnt be pregnant. Just my opinion.

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I also have to disagree. I'm also a parent and there comes a time where things occur that you cannot control. This is a life altering decision and to make it for a 14 year old is just plain wrong. I'm not saying the mother can't advise her, but this is the girl's life and it has to be her decision.

I also have to disagree with your remark about the mom's responsibilities. You can't lock a 14 year old in a tower as much as you might want to. Chastity Belts no longer exist. We have no idea how this child was raised, from the parent's concern, I suspect it was not a neglectful rearing. But I think it an overstep to try and make the mom feel guilty.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

The woman (yes woman! If she's pregnant, she's gone past being a girl already) carrying the child is the one to determine what she can or can not live with for the rest of her life.

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While I agree with you Synnen, this line got my attention.

Getting pregnant at 14 does not instantly turn a girl into a woman. She's a child dealing with an adult situation, but by no means, other than perhaps pure biology, can she be considered a woman at her age.

She has to make a very difficult, but very adult, decision.

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Originally Posted by jmb6364

my daughter just turned 14 last week and found out she is 4 weeks pregnant, i dont no what to do

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Hi there, I work with children myself. I know your daughter is young but you should support her! She is going to need you a lot, if you don't support her (with whatever her decision maybe) it will make it harder for the both of you . There will be a lot of arguments which you will later regret. There is many teenage pregnancies which has became more recognised over the past few years, Your daughter needs to think about the effect a child will have in her life and carrer, and it needs to be her that makes the decision. Hope everything works out for her.

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Originally Posted by phillysteakandcheese

While I agree with you Synnen, this line got my attention.

Getting prego at 14 does not instantly turn a girl into a woman. She's a child dealing with an adult situation, but by no means, other than perhaps pure biology, can she be considered a woman at her age.

She has to make a very difficult, but very adult, decision.

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I'm sorry... I didn't mean to make it sound like getting pregnant automatically qualifies one for adulthood.

I seem to be having a hard time getting all of my thoughts down here in a clear manner.

No... getting pregnant doesn't make one an adult. However... once one has had to deal with the reprecussions of being pregnant, one grows up a LOT. I matured incredibly fast through the course of my pregnancy, because I HAD to. Every decision I had to make during my pregnancy was that of an adult. Every choice I made, every thing I did, every hope I had -- I had to think of someone besides myself.

All I wanted to make clear was that the line between adult and child is not as clear cut as age. She was making an adult's decision to have sex, and now she must face the very adult results of that decision, and make one of the hardest decisions of her life. She deserves to be treated as an adult for that decision, not as a child.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

All I wanted to make clear was that the line between adult and child is not as clear cut as age. She was making an adult's decision to have sex, and now she must face the very adult results of that decision, and make one of the hardest decisions of her life. She deserves to be treated as an adult for that decision, not as a child.

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I understand the context now - and I agree. :)

I don't know about anyone else, but I am wondering how this happened.:eek: Just a thought.

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Originally Posted by worthbeads

I don't know about anyone else, but I am wondering how this happened.:eek: Just a thought.

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Ummm duh! I would think that by now you know how such things happen. This being a family site, I can't really explain it. :D I can probably find some web sites to refer you to.