Do I have schizophrenia? Any advice please
Do I have schizophrenia? I've wondered this for a while now. In short, I grew up with OCD, I used to stay up at night worrying about stuff, I'd know everything that was broken in a room, count things- I'd think things like if I didn't do this then this bad thing would happen. It would be something like cleaning a room spotless. I would hear things when I was little, it would sound like people having a conversation right near me but I would be alone. I've had this on and off my whole life, since I can remember. I, starting in high school, would see things that weren't there like people standing in the middle of the park and there wouldn't be anyone. I've also had a habit of talking to myself like it were someone else since I was a kid. I just always felt like I had more in common with myself than anyone else. I've gotten too anxious around people, and the talking to myself has gotten worse because I'm doing it on accident in front of people now. I also get really paranoid. Like, for example, I won't take birth control pills because I think the government puts drugs in them that will prevent me from ever getting pregnant even when I stop them, like for population control. I get embarrassed to say these things out loud but I told my husband and he thought it was ridiculous even though I still believe it. I'm starting to get paranoid that there's something wrong with all the food so I haven't been eating much and I'm losing weight again. Last time this happened I lost 60lbs in 2 months and I'm only 135lbs to begin with. I'm zoning out all the time, people ask me what I'm thinking about and I couldn't tell them because my thoughts are so fast, like as soon as I grab on to one, I'm on to another thought. Its hard to focus on anything, I'm a junior in college but I've dropped out three times. I've also had so many jobs that I can only keep about a month, I flew back and forth to Australia where my husbands from, 5 times in a year. I feel like I can't make discisions and I keep messing up. Sometimes I don't make sense or make up words too, which I read is a symptom but that isn't too often- the making up words thing. My doctor had me on risperidone for a while and it was working and I felt better so I didn't think I needed them anymore. I stopped taking them because my periods became irregular too (sorry tmi) and I got paranoid that they were going to make me infertile or something. I complained about that psychiatrist and told him I didn't even need the pills and that I was mad that he didn't disclose that the pill might make that happen. Now, I feel like I need them, I'm having trouble sleeping too and nightmares. I'm trying to hold everything together but even driving seems difficult right now. Also, I don't have a support system. My family has a huge stigma against mental illness because my uncle has schizophrenia and he's always acted "crazy." When I told my mom I heard and saw things growing up she said I had an active imagination. I've always been anti-social but I really withdrew from everything when I was about 19 after a car accident. I got a tbi and I've had a lot of memory issues ever since on top of everything else. I want advice, I'm too scared to tell any family member I hear voices becau0se that's what "crazy" people say, according to my family. So, I don't know. I also never got a diagnosis for schizophrenia, but I read risperidone is for schizophrenia. Part of the reason I don't want to talk is because I'm afraid of hearing that I do have this. Any help would be great, thanks.
