I met my friend "Mary" when I quit a job and she was hired to replace me. I spent a month working with her one on one, took her out to lunch and remained available to her after I left and joined my new firm. I was leaving the job she was taking because I did not expect the law firm we were working at to remain in business, and I was candid with her about that concern in the hiring process. She was new to the profession (paralegal) and wanted the experience, even though the job was not very secure. When the firm closed, I spent considerable time mentoring her and helping her with her job search, sending her leads, writing a recommendation and more. At this point, I had been in my new job for a year. I received a call with another job offer, which I decided to decline, but I recommended Mary for the job. On my recommendation, she was hired. She was later terminated based on her job performance. She is a good worker, and I'm not sure this was a fair assessment. I have been helping her since with her renewed job search.

Long story short, I am also now in need of a new job. An expected bonus and raise never materialized, and my employer has been very personally abusive to me - just a matter of personal lack of control on his part. The job has become intolerable and I need to move on also for financial reasons. I have met with Mary a few times just to socialize and in part to support each other through this difficult job search process.

She has told me about the specific jobs she has applied to and I have helped her considerably. When she asked how my search is going, though I didn't ask for any help in return, I did confide that a particular employer had just called me back for a third round of interviews. I told her how the prior interviews had gone and what I knew about the job.

When we next saw each other I was waiting for word - an offer or rejection - after the third round completed. At this point I have had 7 interviews for this job (a few per each of the three rounds) and it is my first choice of employer and job. I have met with so many people so many times, I had to invest in another suit just to get through the process. I have also spent considerable funds travelling to the interiews, buying meals (it takes a whole day) and of course, I've been on pins and needles for months - this employer moves very, very slowly. I've been engaged in this interview process for three months. Never seen anything like it.

Anyway, Mary was aware how important this was to me but when I saw her again she told me she had applied for the job because "what the heck, it's still posted!" She then proceeded proudly to tell me she had used "all the advice" I had given her and customized her resume based on what she knew about the job. This information on which she "tweeked" her resume included what I told her about my first two interviews for the job.

I've been furious with her over this but do not want to deal with her on it now. I would like to keep the friendship but want to set her straight later. Ideally, when we both have jobs, I want to meet her and tell her that this was an inappropriate thing to do. In the meantime, she sent her resume and has been "reminding" me that I was going to edit it for her. I offered to do this before she tried to go head to head with me for my most coveted job!

I don't want to do it now because, hey - love her but I'm not helping a direct competitor. I'm at a loss as to how to get out of helping her without getting into the whole situation with her. The reason I don't want to get into it is frankly that I want to focus on my priorities, not a drama with a friend, at this moment. Advice?

Love her, and remember she needs a job also, perhaps you should not have told her were, but if it was posted, she would have applied anyway.

Odds are you both applied to several of the same places.

One of my best friends and I were in the same business and often completed against each other for sales. We were still friends.

A real friendship should be stronger than all else

Thanks, Fr. I guess my upset was that she used information I shared with her about my interviews to get a leg up on me. And we are in a huge market - she could have avoided applying for this one job. It's not like we both happened to find the job listing independently - she found it because I told her I had applied - she searched for it. But how would you suggest I gracefully get out of helping her further with her resume?