Hi I have been talking to this guy and we have been thinking about becoming a couple. But I think that he is too controlling. He always wants to be where I am and he gets jealous when I tell him that I am hanging out with other friends. We recently had a fight because I told him that I was coming off the phone to do my homework. He got angry and said that I didn't want to talk to him. Then he asked me why I didn't do my homework. I didn't answer him. I guess he was trying to see if I had a reasonable answer. Is that controlling?

Yes, it appears to me as controlling as well as immature and self centered.
He is exhibiting quite a few earmarks of an abuser -- that's very worrisome to me.

You have two options:

1. If you pass him up, you save yourself a lot of hassle. I hope you do that.

2. If you take him on, you both will be in for a lot of painful and difficult lessons about respect, trust and boundaries. He won't be the only one doing something wrong then, so will you be... trying to defend yourself and him too, trying to make it work, trying to get him to change while you put up with it. I hope, if you do this, that you eventually see that the only answer is to get out. Reread number 1, please.

People like this may need help, the kind of help you cannot provide. Or they need consequences for their inappropriate actions to help them modify those actions. Consequences like girlfriends breaking up with them saying "you're too controlling". I am so sorry. May I ask -- how old are you both?

I am 17 and he is 18

He obviously hαs mαjor trust issues-- you should confront him αbout this, mαke sure you pαy αttention to his reαction.. if it's bαd, violent or just plαin defensive (chαnces αre he probαbly thinks he's not doing αnything wrong) then you should leαve him unless you'd like to be stuck with this guy αnd his controlling behαvior. Just remember you cαn't fix him- he hαs to do it himself.

I like the confront him idea but once only. And just like it was suggested, if he responds badly-- that's it, you're out. Take this seriously. Otherwise, if you stay you could end up paying for that failed confrontation since it could end up like a thorn in his side. If you let him go at this stage, he is most likely going to find a girl who will tolerate and accommodate his bad ways. If that should happen, please do not let it get to you. Better her than you, as crappy as that sounds.

He's VERY controlling.
I guess it's in his nature... It can be very hard dealing with such people. It's also hard to try to change them. Maybe you should talk to him... He should know that he can trust you, he should be more understanding.

Yet, if this becomes a huge issue and you can't stand his behavior anymore, honestly, you'd be better off.

If you are unsure about getting together with him as a couple, then it would probably be best not to move forward with him. Women's intuition, trust it.

It seems like he has control issues.
THINK before getting into a relationship with him.!
When my Ex and I first met, it was the same way- unfortunately, I thought he was just being 'concerned' about me. Trust yourself. I agree with Sentra,
Trust your women's intuition!

Thanks for the advice every one

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Originally Posted by thatgirl

Hi I have been talking to this guy and we have been thinking about becoming a couple. But I think that he is too controlling. He always wants to be where I am and he gets jealous when I tell him that I am hanging out with other friends. We recently had a fight because I told him that I was coming off the phone to do my homework. He got angry and said that I didn't want to talk to him. Then he asked me why I didn't do my homework. I didn't answer him. I guess he was trying to see if I had a reasonable answer. Is that controlling?

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I think he has trust issues... dont put yourself in that situation. If you keep that relationship you two are going to have a lot of problems and probably won't last very long

He is controlling because he has trust issues and is insecure.
It is hard to change someone like that so you are better off leaving him to someone else that likes that type of relationship. It only gets worse and you will only end up feeling like you are smothered and have no life.