So there is the woman, whom I loved with my every thing.
It was an LDR, I did not want to go into it, she convinced me to come into it. She countered all my arguments with assurance that it would work. Before her, I was in an abusive relationship, so I was reluctant to take another relationship at all, as I thought I will not survive another breakup. However, she continued to support me, and convince me it would work.
I fell again in love. I gave her my everything. She has a Muskogee Indian heritage, and I started to learn the language for her (I speak German and English). I loved her with all my honesty. She kept on telling me I am her soul mate and so on. I told her again to leave me if this was a game, as I would not be able to handle another breakup.
Now since the last week, she is not talking to me, not picking up my calls, and so on. I am spending nights without sleep, hoping she will finally get time to talk with me. She is in USA, I am in Germany, and hence we have a time difference.
Now she sends me a message in FB, telling me she wants to end the relationship. She uses the same arguments (such as this is an internet relationship), which she herself countered. This falsifies her previous counterarguments. Hence the whole time it has been a lie.
However, I have a deadline in 8 days (not negotiable). And I am feeling like killing myself. I am not able to take this breakup. I am sorry. But on the other hand, my brain says I should leave to fulfill the deadline at least. Please help, I am a 22 year old man, atheist, ready to take the world face on (I took a number of troubles face on, I was homeless, at some point of time, I was about to be kicked out of the uni, from there I went to work in the German airspace center, and graduated without taking any extra semester, and with 20 extra course credit - 200 instead of 180 that is), don't know what to think, sitting alone in the staircase, crying uncontrollably, and attempting to commit suicide. The reward of my honesty to the woman is my tears.
There must have been a gap in my honesty. If my honesty is lacking, what is the point of living?
I just want to live till 11th of April and do the assigned work. But I can't convince myself to do so. Please help.
I don't need condolences, I don't need clichés. I need serious advices. I just need to finish my work, for which I have 8 days. Help me to live for these 8 days.
I don't care if she is worth it or not.
I care:
1. The reward are my tears, there must have been a gap in my honesty
2. She lied all the way, she used the same arguments that I used to avoid getting into it in the first place, must be something wrong in me
3. She again lied. She said that she "found new realizations, after having a discussion with someone" - why can't just she say she found a new man.
4. 8 days of life would suffice. Just help me with that.