Hello everyone

Well it has been a while since if been on this site, but I guess I need it again.

So my Gf and I split about 5 and a half months ago now, and I can't seem to get my life back on track.
I've gone through phazes where everything is fine, but without fail, every night before I go to bed she pops into my head again, I just can't help it, its driving me nuts.
I have been NC for over 3 months, but I still think about her.

Sometimes (like tonight) it gets to the point where I just don't want to go to bed at night, because I know as soon as I turn the light off she's there... that's why I am posting this at 2:10am...

So anyway I guess I just need some advice as to how I can get on with my life, I want to be happy again...

This is so common after a break up Believe me you are not alone (just go through the dating forums! ). Everyone has good days and then a bad day. Sometimes you are feeling awesome and hey I never needed that person anyway then you hear a song or something reminds you of them and bam you feel like you are back at square one. We have all been there and man is it rotten.

Keep going no contact that is the only path to healing. Just keep plugging along it will eventually get easier and in no time you will be able to look back on the relationship fondly but without the emotional attachment.

Are you finding other things to do? Have you tossed yourself into hobbies, friends and family? I always find that's the best after a breakup. I would just completely get absorbed so that I would have no time to think about him. I even started a ton of new hobbies and began dating again - that was actually a big helper it made me see there are other people out there and I will find someone else.

Good luck to you!

Yeah I hear you
The no contact thing is no problem, I do not have any feeling for her anymore whatsoever, I know that it is over and has been for a long time
I've done all of the above but can't seem to shake the thoughts, and sometimes dreams of her.
I want to get back into the dating scene, but its so hard to find someone with substance at nightclubs... plus I'm so out of practice I don't know how to 'play the field' anymore!
I just have ta keep pluggin away... :(

Hello my friend, It's been 6.5 months since my ex fiancé broke up with me again. And it's been about 3 months also for me with NC. I am not as bad as you because I have come to terms with her out of my life for ever but as Glinda said everyone has good and bad days. I went probably 2 weeks feeling very good about myself, then my dad mentioned he saw my ex at a car show. He didn't talk to her but when he brought her name up a week ago I have been thinking a lot about her. You are not alone, but think possitive and stay busy that seems to work the best.

You will get there it just takes time.

I actually avoided the bar and nightclub scene like the plague. Instead I found I was meeting quality people through friends and through activities. Open your eyes surely there is someone cute around.

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Originally Posted by SAB123

I am not as bad as you because I have come to terms with her out of my life for ever .

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I have come to terms with this, but I still feel crap... maybe it's the loneliness, I don't know

Meet and date new people. Take up a new skill or hobby (or dust off an old one.) Go to a gym and work out. Join a club. Take a vacation. Do things to keep your time and mind occupied. That's the best way to get on with your life and be happy.

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Originally Posted by where did i go wrong

i have come to terms with this, but i still feel crap... maybe its the loneliness, i dunno

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Although I have come to terms sometimes I feel like crap too. And I kind of agree with you, I think it is loneliness, and maybe that why I been thinking of her more.

The loneliness is cruel. So you are over her during the day?
You could try staying out all night, and just before sunrise, go to bed - only if you are super tired. You probably won't dream about her then. Of course, if you work the next day it will be difficult. Try it on a weekend when you don't have to work - just exhaust the heck out of yourself to where you cannot think.

If this sounds too drastic, try staying so active normally, that you go to bed too tired to 'ponder' on things.

Find something or someone to help you take your mind off completely.

Good luck,

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

Exercising and being around people who pursue interests similar to yours, is a good way to meet new people and the people they know. Be open to new things, and do some research as to the activities and functions in your area. I think once you get into a comfortable lifestyle, and make friends and find your own happiness, you will attract those like yourself, and share that happiness. Volunteer work is still the best way to forget about your own problems, and doing for others that can't do for themselves, will give the ego a blast and the self esteem a boost. After a while the dreams and thoughts of the ex will lose their power over you.

Yo its been 7 months for me. I had contact a lot of this time. I been NC nearly a month now. I still think about her a lot but its getting easier day by day! You need to keep busy, plan things to do, try new things etc. First 'loves' allways the hardest...

How long did you go out?

Ps - Why are you not dating another (preferably hotter) woman?
(Even if you don't love her it will make your hormones settle down. Really. And you can be more objective... )

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Originally Posted by Ash123

How long did you go out?

ps - Why are you not dating another (preferably hotter) woman?
(Even if you don't love her it will make your hormones settle down. Really. And you can be more objective....)

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We were together for over 2 years

I'm not dating anyone else because I haven't met anybody that's right...

Sometimes its about dating what's available you know Ms/Mr Right Now. The first guy I dated after my last breakup wasn't necessarily the right guy but he made me feel good about myself and reminded me that guys do in fact find me attractive. He gave me a nice ego boost and made it easier for me to start getting out there.

Do me a favor. GO OUT WITH A GIRL THIS WEEKEND. PLEASE.
Your brain needs to recalibrate. It needs to feel endorphins and hormones, so it's fixation can start to loosen. Do you have any girls that are friends? Tell them the situation and go out with them. Even if just as friends.. all- have a laugh, and don't worry if you are NOT attracted. Don't worry if you only compare them to your Ex. Practice... Your brain will thank you.

1) why was your ex so special?
2) why did she break-up?

Yeah it sounds simple, but yeah...
I've turned into this self-concious, socially awkward loser, I hate it... I go out till sunrise every weekend, but by the time I've had enough to drink to have the confidence to go up to women, I'm so drunk that they think I'm a total idiot...
Ill give it a try though...

I don't know if those questions are really worth answering. I don't really care about her at all, she is no longer the problem. This is about healing me...

OK, I re-read all of your posts and I think I have a prescription:

1) you are a shy guy
2) you are a nice guy but what kind of nice guy? Pleasae read this about Nice Guys (They do not always finish last): https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-118640.html
3) Following your Ex from state to state was NICE but not the right kind of nice.
Women (most anyway) do not respond well to role reversal. They want to know that you are comfortable in the lead.

SO:

a) Find something that you naturally can lead at (any hobbies? Aptitudes/ training?career?)
b) Be HAPPY you are not with your EX. How long could you have followed her? You can now focus on yourself.
c) Go out with girls as friends. Don't try to pick up girls in bars... Go biking, hiking, after work drinks, dog walks, get a job at a shoe store :-)
d) make your EX MY problem... For 2 weeks tell yourself that you don't have to worry about her and that I will sit her thinking what a crazy ho she is... and you can take a break.

This is helping, thanks for all your feedback everyone

OK try this one. CHoose to think about her when you go to bed.
Then tell yourself that all what is happening is 'brain activity'. Realise that that is all that it is. Then tell yourself that she is no longer worthy of your thoughts. Picture her on a cloud, blow her away and tell your brain to stop activating a memory.
She is a memory - nothing more nothing less.

Also going out with your female friends will help boost you in the eyes of the other women out. You may end up just sitting back and the ladies come to you! Anytime we go out and one or two of our male friends come along we always get them ladies. Women are the best wingman for men hands down.