Am I being over the top?
I have seen several times now that my boyfriend is going on an adult site were you pay to watch girls on web cam the problem is we have recently moved into a flat and have had a baby we struggling for money and because I have now realised why he is having bank charges because he is paying to watch these girls I have copped big time about it and considering leaving he is still lying and saying he hasn't this as well am I over reacting?

Why is your boyfriend paying for porn when there are literally years worth of videos floating around on the internet for free? Seems strange to me that anyone would pay for internet porn these days; this is a well-known fact.

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Originally Posted by rjc1991

I have now realised why he is having bank charges because he is paying to watch these girls

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I get the feeling that you just have a hunch: do you know for certain that the charges are from this porn site?

If you are able to prove that the charges are for this porn site, then no, you aren't overreacting.

EDIT
I think I just understood what you mean.. . This is a website where the girl is giving a live show and talks to viewers through a live chat, right? In that case, it makes sense why he'd pay. But still, empirical proof is necessary.

I think that him watching porn isn't that big of a deal. Its pretty normal for guys. But if its affecting your money problems and your family then you are doing the right thing and not over reacting. I would hope your relationship is at a point where if he says he's not spending money on porn you are able to believe him and trust him. If not there's another problem around the corner coming

"he is still lying and saying he hasn't"

That's what you really need to nip.
Plus he's a Dad & needs to buck up. Especially when you are struggling.

I would lay it on the line. Have a serious talk about your concerns & his actions.
Express your thoughts. This is what healthy couples do, talk, work it out.
All the time, if they want to stay together. Be respectful of each other. To move forward.

Otherwise, you will be in for more the same.

This isn't as much about porn as it is about responsibility.





Start there.

Get all the evidence, present it, and sit down and make changes. He may not be that great with balancing the check book, and he sure is lousy at covering his tracks. Maybe you both can learn something from this that will help you work better together.

I agree with the others that the port isn't really this issue here, is the lack of priorities and honesty. Like Ral said, get the evidence and put it in front of him. But, instead if berating him, show him the overdraft or NSF fees, and give him a visual of how his behavior affects his ability to support his family. Let him know that when he spends the bill money on something like this, it is as though he is choosing porn over the support of his family, and it hurts your feelings. Then, you both have a conversation about what you can realistically afford in discretionary funds, and become better about managing your money and having honesty with each other.

Who cares about the computer history, it is the charges to the bank account,

And I don't understand why he is paying either, plenty of free porn to look at.

Ok, several issues, it is not the watching porn, although he should not lie about it, men often watch porn and he should be honest about it. Unless of course you have been so anti porn that he does not feel free to talk about it.

The largest issue here is the spending of money you don't have and the lies.

But yes, get all the bank statements and if he says it is not him, than ask to call the police for bank fraud,
If he is addicted, put a blocker on his computer from porn.