My relationship is in shambles.Can't do anything right.whats happening?
I'll start from the beginning, My Fiancé and I have been together for over three years now. WE lived together in Georgia while going to school. We broke up after a year and a half because of pressure from our families, money and a whole other series of maladies. We had just start talking again in July and had rebuilt our relationship through long distance and visits (she had moved to Houston Tx). A month ago, I made the decision to move out here with her.
Its been regularly hell, with little bits of paradise all the way through. The biggest strain is that we have very different schedules I work in the day as an A.b.a. therapist and she at night for FOX. I do my best to be quiet during the day but she is a very light sleeper... She either flies into rages at me or shuts down completely when she wakes. It seems that I can't do anything right in her eyes... I forget to put the toilet seat down once and it D-Day. Everyday, though she tells me otherwise, it seems like she doesn't want me here. I really do try everything I can but it seems like every time I do something it only makes things worse and I get accused of doing nothing at all (which pisses me off because I torture myself). The latest dilemma is that I've made a few aquaintances at work and had a spent a few nights here and there throughout the past week or two hanging out with them. First she flips out on me completely, accusing me of cheating with a female friend in this group (who happens to be 8 months pregnant). Next she says I'm not spending anytime with her and I'm just doing what I want to do. This confuses because daily she acts like she doesn't want me around at all.
Is she trying to control me... Am I screwing this up... Should I stay or should I go? I love her with all my heart and I don't know what to do? :(
Help! Rollercoaster Relationship!
My Ex and I have been back and forth with each other for 4 years. We've always struggled quite a bit with our relationship, but we both love each other very deeply (both stubborn, stupid , and sensitive). At first, we both were cut off from our parents because it was an interracial relationship (Deep South). We moved in together and due to our struggle to survive, our year long love affair started to crumble. Finally, We moved on.
A year later, We suddenly started talking on the internet again, but she had moved to Houston. After half a year, I made the move to Texas to be with her. It sounds like another excuse, but we both worked at two completely different times of the day. This put an immense strain on our relationship. One weekend on father's day, We went to her fathers and spent the day, and as we were leaving, I said, "We should visit your father more often." She flew into a rage and told me how inconsiderate I was. She woke me up early that morning, and told me she wanted me out of her house. I went to pack, and hours later she begged me to stay. She told me that her father was dying, she took her bitterness out on me and that she loved me, but didn't love herself. I couldn't deal with uncertainty. I drove back to Vidalia, Georgia, 15 hours.
After a couple of months, She started calling me and couldn't help but talk to her, because I still loved her so much. We began a long distance relationship, having a few magical visits to houston. This lasted up until New years of this year. She began to act as she had before, and I left, fearing being hurt again. I refused to talk to her for a week or two, trying to cut myself off from her completely, and when did talk, it was a battle.
We both have deep issues with abandonment and were both abused as children. I think this is coming out in our relationship.
We just did start talking again, and I made a point to let her know that I loved her, and that if we were to get back together again, we would need to see a therapist. She told me that she needed time and that she was extremely hurt, but that she loved me and wanted to make it work someday. She also told me that she had a fling, and that she was deeply disgusted by it and went into detail about how it was never serious and the guy was an imbecile.
I'm working hard to prove myself to her (finishing university, working to regain trust, and working on myself) She's doing the same and has said a lot to our future, but her behavior is making me nervous. On two occasions, she has turned her mobile off at a time when she knew and we agreed to call each other. For example, I woke up at 3 am this morning to call her after she got off her work shift... and she never answered once, straight to voicemail. I could understand if she was tired, but she could have at least answered and told me so. I'm extremely confused and not sure what to do with these mix signals. I'm willing to do anything and willing to stand the storm, if she is. What do I do?
Thanks for putting up with my rant, and thanks ahead of time for the advice.