Dear Sir
Assalamu Alaikum

I need some advice regarding my Marriage .

Nearly, 8 months ago, my family shown me a girl to marry, and she is my relative. I saw her and liked also, and I thought both of the families are agree so no problem, so that I started talking with her over phone. By talking over phone, both of us got emotional and there is a relationship grown between us day by day.

After 3 month from begging, my family informed me that they are not agree to let me marry with that girl, and that's only for social status. Actually sir, my father is a Engineer, and her father handle his lads in village, so my family is disagree, but that girl was so much emotional and me too. She asked to marry by ourselves and without our guardian's consent. I did not agree, but as I was also emotional and she was crying, so that I was emotionally bound or blackmailed.

We also had intercourse 5-7 times in last 4 month, but recently I have came to know that without girls parents consent the marriage is void or invalid, and that marriage registration is nothing but an agreement.

On the other side, my family is finding girl to marry me and asking me to forget my girlfriend. I told this to my girlfriend and she was crying, also got senseless 2 times. I am now mentally so much crushed and stressed.

I can not understand that what should I do. Should I destroy the agreement/ marriage registration (if the marriage is void) and hear my family. Or should I stay with that girl?
My family will not accept her by any cost. And her family will not accept me as my family insulted them.

Please help me to make decision according to Islamic rule.

Thank you

Noman, Bangladesh.

Sorry my friend but the time to worry about what was acceptable under Islamic Law was before the two of you got together to have sex 5 or 7 times before you were married. You don't mention how you both came together without chaperones and obviously your parents don't know about these trysts between you or they will make you marry, especially if she has become PREGNANT. I feel you both should have known better, and were schooled enough to know how wrong it was to conduct yourselves.

What you really need is the counsel of a close trusted older more experienced male that you can confide in. You already know she will bear more of the consequences (SHAME) as a female than you will as a male, but as long as you are determined to follow your parents wishes then it is no longer up to you as the parents have the power and will dictate your actions.

Put simply keep your mouth shut, and do as you are told, and hope she is not carrying your baby, and hope she does the same. I advise you both get yourselves under control and face whatever your parents decide because obviously you have NO SAY in the matter, and don't know what the right thing to do is. If you aren't going to marry her on your own, then leave the poor girl ALONE... and hope she isn't pregnant.

Find that older male, (Or female) to talk to in confidence for guidance and know the insults will get worse on both sides once your parents or hers come to know ALL THE FACTS of this situation. On the facts of Islamic Law and premarital sex, your local religious leader can clarify that for you. Are you in a small village or a big city?

You brought this stress on YOURSELVES. I doubt anyone but you can relieve it.