Ask Me Help Desk - I only wanted one but now I have two!

First of all, hello everyone. Its been awhile since I've been here and hope all is well with those I used to talk to.

Ok, so I have a bit of a confusing situation going on. I finally got over my last train wreck of a relationship and decided it was time to move on with life. I had been interested for a really long time in a guy that I had only ever just been friends with. He picked up on it but said that he couldn't become involved with me because of being scared to mess up our friendship (his words hurt a bit since I did want to be with him but I accepted it).

A couple of months ago another really good friend of mine got dumped by his girlfriend. He had no other place to go so I offered to let him be my roommate. Guy friend #1 found out about it and started acting strange. He started being affectionate with me and wanting to hang out during the week after work (which is out of character for him). He even told me that he had gotten his passport for a trip he's planning to Jamaica and suggested I do the same (giving me a grin and a wink). Mutual friends of ours told me that he acted like he was jealous of my new roomie. Meanwhile guy #2 (my roomie) begins to act jealous about me spending so much time with guy #1. I can't go to guy #1's place without guy #2 texting me every little bit and his feelings being hurt if I don't respond right away. Guy #2 told me a couple of nights ago that I'm the ideal girl for him and that he would love to be with me (I'll admit I'd thought of being with him myself). His only reservation... He dosen't want to mess up our great friendship by becoming involved!!

So, I have two guy friends who don't want to be in a relationship with me because of the friendship, but are jealous of each other when I spend time with one and not the other!. What the heck is going on here? They have me in such a state of confusion and each of them is sending me mixed signals! HELP!! LOL

Showing an interest to a guy for the longest time and offering another guy to share your placwe but doesn't intend to be in a relationship is A CONFUSION and mixed signal.

When you are not interested to be in a relationship, you show men who are interested who they are and where they should stand... clearly!

Ask the roomie to find his own place, and tell them both directly/indirectly that you are not looking forward to a relationship at this time.

While you enjoy the attention, it is better still to set things straight than be accused later on that you mislead them or even worse.

"little firefly" it all comes down to which guy do YOU prefer!

However,both of them aren't making it easy for you (& no doubt will cause trouble
No matter which one you choose!! )

As a result of this,I would DUMP them both and start afresh.

I think guy number 1 probably realized he did have feelings once he saw he couldn't have you anymore. Furthermore, I give him some credit because while he did turn you away at first it appears he was trying to protect you and not ruin the friendship.

Guy number 2 perhaps does have feeling for you. I can't say one way or another without knowing him. But he also seems to be protecting his homestead. He moves in with you and now that you might be interested in someone else, he has to know that his time might be close to be done if this gets serious because your going to ask him to leave which means he's got to go get a place of his own. I'd be real interested to know if he still had feelings for you if he was paying his own rent and eating his own food.

You're playing them both, and loving the hell out of it. If you really wanted only one, you'd make that clear to both.

Guy #2 just got of a relationship and might just be lonely and like you because of your living together or because of guy#1 showing interest.

Guy#1 felt jealous once a guy moved in with you and jump to try to be with you.

To me you never know who feelings are real because they both seem to be competing with one another. What happens when the race is over? I think you should let them know where they stand.

First off, I wouldn't flatter myself over this situation at all!

Hopefully I can clear up some of this "confusion" for you:

The guys seems to be competing for you "affection" I'll say.

Neither have stepped up to make you their girlfriend because neither wants to "ruin your friendship" but the both of them are trying to step on each others toes (when it comes to getting your time/attention.)

Don't give into the flattery of the situation, don't show them any interest (beyond friendship) until one of them (the one you REALLY like) shows you that he's honestly interested in DATING you and not just scoring or beating the other guy in this game they're playing.

Why are they so hung up on ruining the friendship if they potentially date you, Are they able to magically see into the future to see that the relationship if taken further will end and you'll ultimately hate them and no longer want to be their friend either??
I think it's a pretty lame excuse considering this current situation IMO

Quote:

Originally Posted by ordinaryguy

You're playing them both, and loving the hell out of it. If you really wanted only one, you'd make that clear to both.

In all honesty I'm not playing either of them (I've never been a player and am too old to start that high school crap now). I've ALWAYS had a very low self esteem and am really insecure at times. Yes, attention does feel good (I'm not used to getting it). Guy #1 believes that I put aside any feelings I had for him long ago and just want to be friends. Guy #2 has NO idea that I could possibly have feelings for him. I'm honestly afraid that I'll get hurt if I get involved with either. Anyone who's been on this site for a good while will remember all the horrible pain I went through when my last relationship ended. It took me 9 months to recover and I'm not sure I want to risk that pain again, even though I do long to be with someone who might actually love me for who I am...

Keep your distance, and the boundaries of FRIENDSHIP intact with them both, and don't be confused, as I don't think either wants you as a relationship, but neither wants the other to have you. Don't look beyond friendship, and don't let that one rooming with you, have a free ride much longer.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Keep your distance, and the boundaries of FRIENDSHIP intact with them both, and don't be confused, as I don't think either wants you as a relationship, but neither wants the other to have you. Don't look beyond friendship, and don't let that one rooming with you, have a free ride much longer.

Thank you Tal... That was what I had been thinking, I just needed to hear it from someone else... Kind of goes along the lines of you always want what someone else has, whether they actually have it or not.