Should I break up with my boyfriend?
I am 23, and my boyfriend is 25. We live together, and after rekindling a relationship, I am feeling like maybe I was just hurt too much to move on.
We were together for 10 months and lived together for 8 of them when he suddenly broke up with me and moved out. I was devastated. I spent a few months totally depressed and trying to win him back, until he started dating one of his ex’s (briefly), which finally made me realize that it was over. After being broken up for 6 months, we started seeing each other again, and officially “back together” 2 months later, when he moved back into my apartment.
Now we have been back together for 4 months. I am now realizing that I am still so angry with him for breaking up with me. I spent so much time trying to win him back, and wishing things were back to normal, and now that I “won”, I don’t want it anymore. I feel like I compromised myself by allowing him to throw me away like he did, and then allow him to step back into my life.
This is causing some major trust issues. When he says he loves me, I wonder how he could have treated me so badly for 6 months. I feel like I allowed him to walk all over me. I wonder what he was doing, and who he was with. I wonder why he wanted to go out with his ex girlfriend.
I do love him though. We are very compatible and have so much fun together. I am still really attracted to him physically. He treats me well, though sometimes I wonder if he cares about my needs as much as his own. I put so much in this relationship and I don’t feel like he gives as much as I do. He thinks I expect too much.
Also, we never have sex. We used to have sex daily. Now, for the last 3 months or so, its limited to about once a month. We are affectionate, and we touch, but we don’t have sex, and when we do, I feel awkward about it. I know he is attracted to me, but I feel like maybe there is just something missing.
Now it’s gotten to the point where we are on the verge of breaking up, because neither one of us is happy when I am upset. But I will be miserable again when he is gone. I’ve sacrificed everything for this relationship and have lost touch with pretty much all of my friends. My closest friends have all moved away. I don’t want to hold on because I'm scared of being alone, but I don’t want to turn my life upside down again, either.
I really don’t know what to do. Its hard to even talk to him about because he can't even understand why I am so upset. I don’t even fully know why I am upset, but I am. It is like an emotional rollercoaster of happy/sad, and it sucks.