I have been seeing a married man for over a year. It started purely sexual but now I have developed love for him.

He has been with his wife for 10yrs, marries one year and the whole time he has been with her he has cheated on her (not making justifactions for my actions)

I am very happy with our situation. I see him once a week, we have a great time and then he goes home. I do not want to take him away from his wife. I know he loves her very much. I know I will never be her an to be honest, I don't want it.

I like the safety of him because I know it can never be anything more than what it is now and right now, its great. I love the time alone. A single man would demand more of my time and I don't want to give any more up
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Am I horrible for doing this? I try to justify it by thinking, that I'm not the married one, its his marriage, but for selfish reasons, it suirs me perfectly. I love my lifa and am vry happy with every aspect of it.. is that wrong?

suirs= suits

Well, you're living a lie aren't you?

Of course it's not OK. He's a serial cheater and the very fact that you're having a relationship with him, makes you complicit in it. He's a cheater and so are you.

Clearly you have little sense of self worth and integrity if you get your sense of completeness in life by relating to men who cheat on their wives.

I'm sure the current arrangement is convenient and easy for you both because you can live in denial and neither of you have to deal with your incapacity to commit and to be honest with yourselves.

Ask yourself this one question - if you are SO happy with your situation, why do you need to write into this forum to get the opinion of others?

Yes you are horrible,

You are thinking of your convenience.
What about his wife and the lie you are causing her to live. Sure he may be a serial cheater but it doesn't make you any less guilty

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Originally Posted by Gemini54

Well, you're living a lie aren't you?


Ask yourself this one question - if you are SO happy with your situation, why do you need to write into this forum to get the opinion of others?

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The reason I asked this question is because up until this point I had not reallt thought about it. Not until a married friend of mine and I had an argument about it.. I had no feelings on the matter so was looking for other opinions.

As I can see, people here are pretty narrow minded.

I don't know his wife, I don't want to know his wife, Yes he has been cheatin on her for 10years and mostly with prostitutes. If anything, him seeing me is a lot better than that. He has moved up in the world. No longer is his money wasted, he can now buy his wife more.

The relationship I have with him is the most honest I've ever experienced. He tells me about his sex addiction, and I can talk to him about anything. He doesn't lie to me, he tell sme he loves his wife very much and I try and help him with some of the problems they have. Hell at the moment I helping him learn his wife menstrual cycle so they can start having babies..

Im not being selfish. Im not forcing his wife to live a lie. He is. He doesn't love me, I know this and Im happy with this. It sounds like you people are making me out to be the .

Never under any circumstances do you ever have an affair with a married man it makes you just as bed as him and makes you a homewreker

No you are not forcing his wife to live a lie you are the accessory.
No he doesn't love his wife or he wouldn't be having her live a lie.

No we are not narrow minded. We know what it is like to live a lie by a cheating husband.

You can see it any way you want but the wife should have the option of being with a cheating husband rather than living a lie believing he is being faithful.

You can justify it all you want by saying he has 'moved up' but he hasn't moved anywhere that his wife would be happy with.

Sorry, not narrow minded, you asked a question, so he cheats, that does not mean it is right, Now does it mean that you are not helping destroy his family.

What if you get pregnant, what if he brings some STD back to you.

Why don't you want to know her? You should know the women who you share the sex with.

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Originally Posted by Meow420

the reason i asked this question is beacuse up until this point i had not reallt thought about it. Not until a married friend of mine and i had an arguement about it.. I had no feelings on the matter so was looking for other opinions.

As i can see, ppl here are pretty narrow minded.

I dont know his wife, i dont want to know his wife, Yes he has been cheatin on her for 10years and mostly with prostitutes. If anything, him seeing me is alot better than that. He has moved up in the world. No longer is his money wasted, he can now buy his wife more.

The relationship i have with him is the most honest ive ever experienced. He tells me about his sex addiction, and i can talk to him about anything. He doesnt lie to me, he tell sme he loves his wife very much and i try and help him with some of the problems they have. Hell at the moment i helping him learn his wife menstrual cycle so they can start having babies..

Im not being selfish. Im not forcing his wife to live a lie. He is. He dosnt love me, i know this and Im happy with this. it sounds like u people are makin me out to be the .

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hhow do you know he is not lying to you he is a cheater and a sex addict yeah that makes hhim real honest... you know what the honorable thing to do here is tell her... she doesn't deserve this

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

No you are not forcing his wife to live a lie you are the accessory.




You can see it any way you want but the wife should have the option of being with a cheating husband rather than living a lie believing he is being faithful.

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I agree with that and I have told him. He should give his wife the choice. Ive said, wouldn't it be better to be completely honest with her. But he won't. I wouldn't want to be married to someone like that. Honesty is the best policy.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

sorry, not narrow minded, you asked a question, so he cheats, that does not mean it is right,. now does it mean that you are not helping destroy his family.

What if you get pregnant, what if he brings some STD back to you.

Why don't you want to know her ?? you should know the women who you share the sex with.

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I always practise safe sex so no chance of pregancy or stds. And if by freak accident I did fall pregnant I would not have the baby. I do not want a complicated life and I certainly would not want to put the Man in a terrible situation.
I don't want to know her because firstly, she lives 3hrs from me and I have no need to throw myself in her face.

You people just don't get me.. Im not a bad person, I've just fallen for someone that isn't available. I do take his wife's feelings into considerstaion. I don't want him to get busted because then she will be the one hurt.

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Originally Posted by nitelight198073

hhow do you know he is not lying to you he is a cheater and a sex addict yeah that makes hhim real honest...you know what the honorable thing to do here is tell her... she doesnt deserve this

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Just because someone is a sex addict DOES NOT mean they are a liar. I am a sex addict also and I'm not a liar.
He has no reason to lie to me. It is what it is.

I could never tell her. That would be cruel. Especially coming from someone she doesn't know like me.

If there were no other women, there would be no cheating husbands.

I don't really care what you do but you asked. The people here don't condone what you're doing and you admitted that you didn't even think about it before a married friend had an argument with you about it.

It's about morality and people's ideas of it. You asked what people here thought. If it offends someone's sense of morality, they're against it.

I wouldn't like to be with a serial cheater because he's a liar and a sleaze and probably a sex addict. And you are complicit in his actions. You might want to say you're not, but you are.

Lots of things "work" for people that are not necessarily right. And it's a person's sense of right or wrong that keeps them from doing it. Others shrug off the implications and think, "Works for me!" all else be damned.

If you're in the latter group just accept it but don't come here asking emotionally charged questions about things that people have strong feelings about expecting everyone to say "Awww, that's okay honey....whatever floats your boat."

Because that's not going to happen.

You asked. We answered. If you can't accept both answers, don't ask the questions.

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Originally Posted by susangpyp

If there were no other women, there would be no cheating husbands.

I don't really care what you do but you asked. The people here don't condone what you're doing and you admitted that you didn't even think about it before a married friend had an argument with you about it.

It's about morality and people's ideas of it. you asked what people here thought. If it offends someone's sense of morality, they're against it.

I wouldn't like to be with a serial cheater because he's a liar and a sleaze and probably a sex addict. And you are complicit in his actions. You might want to say you're not, but you are.

Lots of things "work" for people that are not necessarily right. And it's a person's sense of right or wrong that keeps them from doing it. Others shrug off the implications and think, "Works for me!" all else be damned.

If you're in the latter group just accept it but don't come here asking emotionally charged questions about things that people have strong feelings about expecting everyone to say "Awww, that's okay honey....whatever floats your boat."

Because that's not going to happen.

You asked. We answered. If you can't accept both answers, don't ask the questions.

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Well thanks for your answers. I wasn't looking for people to pat my back and say well done. Just looking for other views and opinions on the subject.

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Originally Posted by Meow420

well thanks for your answers. i wasnt looking for people to pat my back and say well done. just looking for other views and opinions on the subject.

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Well you got them but you didn't like them. I think the opinions of people here are pretty much the majority of people.

I love how this question has got people angry and giving reactions, whereas the question I really wanted answered only one person has commented...

I'm sorry to all the wives out there that had cheating partners. But let me just say this, I never NEVER went out looking for a married man... he came looking for me. I didn't choose to fall in love. So I'm sorry to all those that have husbands that have done this to them, its not a nice thing at all. Thank you all for your responses.

And in the end, you can expect someone that is cheating on his wife to also have another lady or one sometimes he is cheating on your with, but as long as you don't care, know you are only getting the left over seconds then you have what you have.

I would just think most people would have more self respect for thierself

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Originally Posted by Meow420

i love how this question has got people angry and giving reactions, whereas the question i really wanted answered only one person has commented....

im sorry to all the wives out there that had cheating partners. But let me just say this, i never NEVER went out looking for a married man... he came looking for me. I didnt choose to fall in love. So im sorry to all those that have husbands that have done this to them, its not a nice thing at all. Thank u all for ur responses.

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You asked two questions: am I horrible? I believe someone said you were.

You asked: Is this wrong? I believe a lot of people said yes.

This isn't about the people here. YOU asked the two questions. You got answers you didn't like and now you want to justify what you're doing and blaming the responses on people who have had cheating spouses. This is not about the people here. This is about you. You're the one who asked the questions. You're the one who is engaging in this behavior that many here find reprehensible. I have NO clue what it is you really wanted to hear. It really wasn't opinions.

You're not ready to understand and I don't think you really wanted answers to your questions. I'm not sure what you wanted but you didn't really want answers to your questions.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

And in the end, you can expect someone that is cheating on his wife to also have another lady or one sometimes he is cheating on your with, but as long as you don't care, know you are only getting the left over seconds then you have what you have.

I would just think most people would have more self respect for thierself

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I do have self respect.