Ask Me Help Desk - Loss of Son

Hello,

I lost my son three years ago. I gave birth to triplets at 27 weeks gestation, in lay terms that is three months early. I knew the risks were extremely stacked against me, I now call them twins for the comefort and ease of everyone else involved, but every day I look at my boy and girl and I can not help but think what could have been. I have been thinking of asking my Dr. about an antidepressant or anti anxiety medication, because of the heart palpitations and tachycardia that are present most every night. How do I overcome this or at least settle it with my mind, so I can get past it. I know I will never forget, but I await the time that it gets a little easier, butn it seems as though it "the anxiety" will get better.

Any help is greatly appreciated

I am not sure the loss of a child is ever easy or ever really over come,

But it is how we learn to deal with it, and to celebrate the life, ever how short, of that love one.

I would suggest professonal counseling who may recommend medications, but it is learning to focus and address our grief that we have to work on.

Any advice on how to focus and or addrerss my grief.

What is exactly meant by focus- or address. I am well aware of what happened and the reasons it happened. A birth at 27 weeks has a 2 out of three survival rate. I am a victim of statistics. There is nothing I can do now and there was nothing I could have done then.

I don't know what bothers me more the fact that he died or the way he died and the fact that I never got to hold him before he passed away. He succumed to a bacterial infection, and the day before he passed away, the Dr's. Had to perform some prety grewsome procedures in order to sustain what ever kind of life he had at that point. The things that I saw I don't believe I will ever be able to clear from my mind.

Oh, honey. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm sure that part of the problem is that no one is allowing you to grieve. They think that since you have TWO healthy children, you should just be grateful for your blessings and move on! People are incredibly insensitive like that!

You need to see your pastor or a counselor. You are grieving, and need to find a healthy way to do it. There is no time limit on grief, and no "right" way to grieve. You just need to find someone you can talk to about how much it's hurting you.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and blessings.

The best way to deal with the lost of a child is over time but don't let the other kids feel like they are not loved...

When you of your son always think of something good. Like what he maybe doing in heaven. And pray for him and talk to him.

The fear of loss is always with us, but we should pick a way to handle with fear and pain.

Take care and God bless,
Kriscool

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOTHER OF TWINS

Hello,

I lost my son three years ago. I gave birth to triplets at 27 weeks gestation, in lay terms that is three months early. I knew the risks were extremely stacked against me, i now call them twins for the comefort and ease of everyone else involved, but every day I look at my boy and girl and i can not help but think what could have been. I have been thinking of asking my Dr. about an antidepressant or anti anxiety medication, because of the heart palpitations and tachycardia that are present most every night. How do I overcome this or at least settle it with my mind, so I can get past it. I know I will never forget, but I await the time that it gets a little easier, butn it seems as though it "the anxiety" will get better.

any help is greatly appreciated

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son 2.5 yrs ago so I know how it feels to cope with the pain every day. It sound to me as thougn you do need a some help with medication. I would not entertain the idea for a very long time. I didn't want to be a zombie or stop feeling I thought however there came a very big turning point when I knew I needed help and I went to see my doctor. He put me on Prozac which helped a lot not with the grief ( nothing can help with that) but with my sleeping etc and it gave me the boost I needed so badly at the time. This allowed me to be there properly for my two daughters not just in body!! I came off them myself with no problems at all once I thought I was strong enough to cope again and if I got as low again I would not hesitate to go and see my doctor again. It is a long lonely path that we are on but take support and help where you can and there is no shame in taking medication - other people don't even have to know.

Take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOTHER OF TWINS

any advice on how to focus and or addrerss my grief.

What is exactly ment by focus- or address. I am well aware of what happened and the reasons why it happened. A birth at 27 weeks has a 2 out of three survival rate. I am a victim of statistics. There is nothing i can do now and there was nothing I could have done then.

I dont know what bothers me more the fact that he died or the way he died and the fact that I never got to hold him before he passed away. He succumed to a bacterial infection, and the day before he passed away, the Dr's. had to perform some prety grewsome procedures in order to sustain what ever kind of life he had at that point. The things that I saw I dont believe I will ever be able to clear from my mind.

I am very sorry for your loss.
By seeking professional help you will work on the very issues that you are unsure of what bothers you most of the his death. It will help you in your grieving process and carry on with life.