:confused: :confused: :confused: :( why it is so hard to make friends during work?

For some people work is work. Not socialization time, not a place to make friends, not a place to chit chat, just work. There is no reason to be unfriendly at work but there is a caveat in becoming more of a friend than a co-worker. Just read on the Help Desk about people who struck up friendships or relationships from work and the disasters that ensued. Mixing personal lives and professional lives sadly does not always come out okay.

So perhaps some people are more cautious, more private, and just keep to their duties. It sure is a way to keep out of any trouble.

That is just my opinion.

I've been at the same public library for 23 years. I wish I had a dollar for every coworker who quit but said, "I'll stay in touch." It never happened. That person went off to college or got another job or had a baby and was never heard from again.

The workplace is fine for on-site camaraderie, but usually not for friendships and definitely not for relationships.

IT varies, in some places workers are completing against each other, also seldom do you go out for social activities. And many times there is no common interest except work, not similar hobbies, backgrounds and so on

Most people would rather use you to make themselves look good by making you look bad. Bosses like that. Some are afraid you'll do better than them, bosses like that too.

Getting to chummy hurts the way you would deal with a problem or a lazy employee. If I keep things on a business level.. It makes these problems easier to deal with. I say this from an employee's view as well as the view point of someone that is in charge of a company for an extended amount of time each week. I also do not want to be to chummy with my boss/owner, I do my job and do it well, that is all that is needed from me. But I could be replaced tomorrow. That way no hurt feelings/expectations if everyone knows where they stand.

I think perhaps you may be looking for friends in the wrong places. I recently learned that making friends at work isn't a good idea, and just because you click with someone at work doesn't mean that they are going to want to be friends with you outside the workplace. I know that's harsh, but please keep in mind that I just learned this reality myself.

Work is a place to work and network so that if you chose to move on and advance your career, you have a good reference and names to help you on the way. But work isn't a place to specifically go to and make friends. If you happen to leave an employer and make a friend from there great, but the difference is you no longer work there, so it doesn't even matter.

Sometimes we also mistakenly look to work to fulfill some other need we may have. I've learned that the only needs work can fulfill for me are my career aspirations and experience needs. But not friends. At work, I do chat yes, and I do have conversations with my coworkers, we all have to get along and not be robots (and we are also human), but when it comes to great extensive details about my life, I keep it at a minimum. If I need to go into details for any reason, the only person who needs to know is my supervisor, but that doesn't mean I get chummy with him.

I agree with what other posters have said. Work is for work and being professional and networking for future potential prospects in your career, but not friends. Like me, you also need to look elsewhere to fulfill your friendship and social needs.

The best friends I made at work were people who would meet with me outside work...

Hang at the patio bar on a nice summer night.

Work time was filled with chores and duties... but maybe if you can get a few people together to head out for a TGIF couple of hours, it can change the mood.

Also, going out to lunch with a coworker was a good way to get to know people.

Just a few ideas.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Most people would rather use you to make themselves look good by making you look bad. Bosses like that. Some are afraid you'll do better than them, bosses like that too.

---

SO VERY TRUE of a lot of co-workers... and with friends like that, who needs enemies!

I have two co-workers that feeds off each other. They are both chummy with the boss. One of them is witty and knows everything while the other one wants to take charge and is loud a very attention seeker. She even acts as if she's the boss. They are friends with the boss at work plus they all talk about each other behind each other's back. I do not like this atmosphere. I'm the secretary and I think the loud one wants my spot. I am very good at my job. I try to avoid this but it's impossible considering I'm in the office with two of them.