All Screwed UP!: Serious Christians Only!
If you are not a serious Christian please do not answer this question. If this turns into a religious debate it does not help me with my problem so please don't corrupt this thread.
I was raised in a Christian home and gave my heart to the Lord at a young age. I was raised knowing the dos and don'ts. I used to be super on fire for God. I mean I did everything I could with my church, youth group, even organized events and outreach outside of church. Then I got burnt out. I had a lot of people take advantage of me and my unwillingness to say no to a good cause and I just worked myself too hard. About 5 years after the burn out and I still haven't recovered. Not to mention the fact that I finally had a real relationship in that mix somewhere with a guy I thought loved me and he dropped me flat with no explanation as to why. It took me years to get over that relationship and I'm still dealing with "side effects" from it. As for what's going on now, I don't really know who I am anymore. I believe in God, I love Jesus and I know what he did for me, but I find myself loving him, but not being close to him like I used to be. I want to be a good servant, but I just don't know how anymore. I have a hard time motivating myself to read the Bible and I even find myself questioning my faith at times. I've been fighting this battle for years now. Everyone always looked to me for advice and encouragement and I just kind find it anymore but I don't want them to know how far I've backslidin'.
I've also found myself changing my stance on some things here and there. I was raised ultra conservative. I have decided that some of the things that I was taught I shouldn't do aren't as bad as I originally thought. For example. I was raised not to drink AT ALL. Now I'm thinkin' a glass of wine at dinner or a fruitly little drink on vacation isn't all that bad. Am I compromising or just finding my own way?
Last part of my delimma I promise! My boyfriend is not a Christian. Its not that he's an atheist or anything he just doesn't understand faith in Christ. He was not raised in a Christian home and these things just don't make sense to him. I'm not pushing him , but I do invite him to church and church functions and I don't hide the fact that I am a Christian. I do however believe that I'm not the best example for him to learn from. But I love him (although I haven't been able to tell him yet) I believe that God brought the two of us together because the circumstances around us even meeting were so awesome. More to this situation though. The bad relationship from earlier, I keep letting that effect the way I think. Its like my brain won't stop thinking. I analyze everything he does and assume that it's a sign that he's losing interest or fear that he's going to dump me. I can't stop no matter how hard I try. He hasn't done anything that a normal person would see as a sign of a break up, but I'm so scarred from this last guy, that I worry constantly about him leaving me. I worry so much that I can't enjoy the relationship.
As you can see I seem to be totally screwed up. So please give me some advice!!