Is these thoughts 'normal' or 'average' my therapist say it's OK if I don't want people touching me especially in intimate ways. She said it's OK if I don't want to go to the gyno (never been before even though I am 32). I feel any kind of touching or probing by others in the private areas is very intrusive, uncomfortable and violating. Sigh. Even though therapist say it's all right not to be touched I feel something is wrong with me. Feel very out of place in this world filled with sex and romance -- maybe I am to die a virgin because I do not like close relationships with people :( I have no options seem there is only one and that is get off this damn planet ASAP. It's obvious there is no life worth living for those who cannot form close bonds, right? Ty

If you feel like there is something wrong with you for feeling this way, those feelings need to be explored. It's not up to your therapist to say it's all right or not. That's not the point. Your feelings about it are what need to be talked about.

Why do you feel that way? Is there a negative experience of being touched or probed in your personal history?

Since your previous thread was closed, I am posting a link to it for those answering your question to get more information on what has already been suggested.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...ml#post2865407

Is your therapist doing more than saying it 'okay' to have these feelings? Is she trying to work with to broaden your comfort zone and discover the underlying issues for you to be able to identify and work on them?

Wondergirl my therapist doesn't know about the sexual issues because I cannot bring myself to talk about sex in there. She knows I am single and live alone. The most I been able to say is that I do not like people touching me and can't go to the gyno and she said that was 'alright.' yes I have had a negative experience with touching but it was very long time ago in high school, like 15 years ago, forced oral sex. Haven't had any experiences since then though. Have never even been asked on a single date :( obviously there is 'something' wrong with me as a person, don't know of other women like this.

(cont.) Even though I am attracted to men (not a lesbian) I regularly want to punch them in the face randomly. There is a parts of me that hates them and how they pick certain women and treat the rest like invisible garbage. Even if I have these feelings I can't make them go away because I don't know how to.

Personally I think you need a new therapist, and/or you need to be more truthful with your therapist.

Humans are sexual beings, and normal is to be close and enjoy touching each other. This can vary depending on each person, of course.

Going to a doctor for an exam, thou I am not a female, but I do think many women look forward to a gyno exam, however I would think a good therapist would explain that the benefits provided by a gyno exam far outweigh the uncomfortable feelings during one.

I don't know of any men that are thrilled by getting our gonads touched during a doctors exam, but we manage to get through it. And contrary to popular belief, men would prefer a male doctor checking us rather than a female.

Your missing out on two important aspects of life, the closeness of intimacy, and a proper medical exam.

It is OK to have problems or issues, certainly if you were molested in some way. There is proper help available to get your issues resolved.

Your therapist is saying what you want to hear because she doesn't have the full story and is probably hoping you will feel comfortable enough to give it to her. She cannot be effective in helping you deal with your problems and issues unless you open up to her. If you don't feel like you can, then you need a new therapist who will be a bit more direct in getting to the root of your issues.

Something for you to think about: Because you don't want to be touched, you may be giving off signals saying 'stay away' much like a cactus does with its needles. You may have a defensive shield up that you aren't even aware of.

This may seem harsh, but until you are willing to deal with your past and be open in your therapy, I think you are going to continue feeling alone. It is inside you to change how you perceive the world and to find affection and intimacy within yourself that you are willing to share.

Give your therapist a chance to help you. I think you will be much happier inside if you do.

How can you expect a guy to notice you if you have intimacy issues? People can tell when someone feel like worthless. It's not something a man would be attracted to. So you need to work on that self-esteem of yours.

As others have pointed out, get a new therapist, and be honest.

You have some issues to work through so right now is no time to be searching for a man.

Go see a gyno. It's important for your health. Tell her about your issues-- she can possibly refer you to a better therapist.

For now on work on yourself. Baby steps :-)!

Hello. I cannot changes my therapist, I am stuck there because of very limited insurance. The only other available place is a few towns over and it's too far for me to travel each week. I am really tired of hearing people keep saying 'humans are sexual and it's normal for wanting intimacy, etc. (not just on here in general). So I feel like since I don't fit into that, obviously I must not be human. Either they say that or they say 'no man wants to be w/ someone with low self esteem or you feel worthless' well fine I can't change none of these issues because too fu*ked up and no one want to be with me because I have these problems so why bother? Only option I see is to off myself and forget about all of this bullsh*t. there's no hope.

What's the point of even fu*king living if you can't live normal like everyone else and enjoy the things that's supposed to be things the rest of the humans enjoy? It's a joke this whole life.

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Originally Posted by HotHoneyVintage

hello. I cannot changes my therapist, I am stuck there because of very limited insurance.

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Okay, then. We will help you help her to be the greatest therapist in the world.

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I can't change none of these issues

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Of course you can. If I could change how I think about things, so can you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by HotHoneyVintage

what's the point of even fu*king living if you can't live normal like everyone else and enjoy the things that's supposed to be things the rest of the humans enjoy? it's a joke this whole life.

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Um, you're trying to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

What have you picked up from things we have said so far?

How you do it then? How you change what you think? She tell me the same things every week to change my thought and not think negative about life. It don't last; think positive for one day and then something goes wrong and it's back where I started :( Some people can do it and some people can't, that's just the way it is. I believe there's no hope for some people no matter what they try, so why bother sticking around for nothing?. the things that people are saying here is everyone have issues going to these intrusive exams but they still do it, Ok. I even try it but make a fool out of myself twice and had to leave. So I can't do it. She will think it's stupid to bring up sex to her (therapist) when she know I lives alone with a dog & never even been on date! Sigh. Also, person said 'missing out on intimacy' and 'it's normal for humans to want sex, etc.' Again, not denying it but if your not fitting in with that, then obviously you don't belong, right? It would make said person a 'defect' as far as humans go :(

Maybe my time better spent adjusting to and learning to accept that this is the way things are, I am going to live alone and never have a partner or family. I would do that but I don't know how to do that either.

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Originally Posted by HotHoneyVintage

How you do it then? It don't last; think positive for one day

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What do you do that one day that makes it work?

You start by telling your counselor the complete truth, let them know why things are the way they are. They do not judge, and will try to help you cope with things the way they are. The Counselor does not have magic words, but may have role playing or learning to separate the past and present.

Many women don't go for their checks up, because they don't like being touched at least by a stranger, that is why many go to women doctors for that. But then I don't know anyone that likes a tooth being pulled or filled, but we still go, Some things like that is merely a matter of forcing yourself to do something's,

And yes, victim of sexual abuse, have the same feelings that you do very often. That is why they go to support groups, that is why they go to counseling. But you have to try to help yourself by being honest with those wanting to help you

I was molested and raped by a family member when I was younger, then raped as a teenager. I know your pain. I was afraid of people touching me. My brother would place his hand on my thigh, a child mind you, and I would cry. I hated myself and felt so alone. I lied to my therapist saying nothing happened to make me this way. It didn't help any. I bucked up and told her and worked from there.
I also gave off that, don't bother me, don't talk to me, stay away vibe, and I learned to break that.

It's scary feeling alone, it's scary feeling different. But dear, you are not alone. I know a few people like this, I was for example. I met a girl in psych ward who was completely asexual. She had never had a sexual thought in her life and felt no draw to either gender. She felt alone too. Just know this, you are not alone. You can work through this. I believe in you.

I too suffered sexual abuse in the past. When I first started working on it I couldn't actually speak about it. No matter how much I wanted to, as soon as I started thinking about what I needed to say I would feel like my throat was closing up and I literally couldn't get the words out.

I had to start trying to say things out loud in private to myself. When I still couldn't get the words out I would try to write them down. When I couldn't even do that I would draw a picture of how I was feeling. By the time I could actually share my story verbally I was a long way on the road to recovery.

I don't know if my method will help you. I know something will if you give it a chance. Lots of people have travelled this path, and it is a hard one to follow, but so worth it when you get to your destination, accepting the past and free of the negative effects it has on your life.

Another tool you might find helpful is EFT. (Emotional freedom techniques). You can read about it here:

EFTUniverse.com

You can learn to use it as a self-help tool for free. Click on get started on the top of the left hand menu.

Hang on in there and keep looking for the right solution for you. I totally believe there is one for you; try and believe it might just be possible yourself.

QLP & Lyra thank you for sharing your stories and what have happened to you in the past. Sigh. Sometime I wonder if I am like you all, maybe you were meant to get through these types of things and some other people weren't. I will do what you said qlp and try draw a picture first it is at least a start & shows I am trying to do something. I told my therapist about what happened that time and we talked about it for a few minutes but haven't brought it up since, that was months ago. Anyway mostly I just feels hopeless. If anyone have ideas how ican learn to live by myself and like it that would be great also. Ty

If you want to live by yourself and actually like it, you have to actually want it. If it's not what you actually want, you're not going to like it.

There's this quote I remember reading before, "if you think you can, you're right. if you think you can't, you're right." at first I didn't understand it at all. But over the years I've come to understand it better. If I don't think I can accomplish something, then I'll be the only one holding myself back if I don't accomplish it. It doesn't matter if anyone else thinks I can do something if I don't think I can do it. It's like having a self fulfilling prophecy, if you think you will fail at something, most likely you will, and the only real reason for failing will be because it's what you expected from yourself.

For me, when I start feeling like I can't do something, and I realize that I'm getting back into my old ways of thinking negatively, I make a conscious effort to tell myself I can. And sometimes it's literally like that children's book the little engine that could. I just have to keep telling myself "i think i can. i think i can." until I finally actually feel like I can. And when I'm having a rough day, it helps to take a deep breath and look around for something to be grateful and appreciative of. It can be something as simple as someone holding a door for me, noticing a pretty flower or tree, or maybe just enjoying the sunshine for a minute. It all sounds insignificant at first, but it's amazing what a difference taking just a minute to show gratitude for something can make.

If you go on some of these online dating sites in the forums and things the reality set in that majority of these men don't even want women that never have experience with relationships. To them it is red flags if you're single and never married over 30 or so. I think a person can think positive all they want, but that's the reality of the circumstances right there from males in the dating world; they don't want you :(