Ask Me Help Desk - How do I end this affair?

I've been with my boyfriend for eight years. I've found myself bored. Three months ago I began cheating on him with a married man. I want to end the affair but it's hard. I've even slept with this man over and over again feeling guilty afterwards. My boyfriend is wonderful I don't know how this happened. I just want it to end.

Then End It. Tell Your Boyfriend. Tell this married man to tell his wife the truth. You Will Have No Choice But To Own Up To This.

There is a saying about if you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop digging?

Please do not tell the wife -- that is a terribly destructive thing to do and frankly I am surprised Joe suggested that. You cannot save yourself by throwing someone else under the bus, for god's sake!

I think its time to have a serious look in the mirror and ask yourself just how honest are you willing to be... with yourself. That is the real source of your unhappiness-- how profoundly dishonest you are. That and how much you don't understand people, starting with yourself. If your boyfriend was so wonderful you wouldn't be bored. You desperately need to reconnect with yourself and learn to tell the truth. Then you 'll have to correct your dishonesty with those around you, starting with your boyfriend. Take what comes as fallout from this but at least you'll have made a substantial step toward your own recovery.

If this all becomes a bit too daunting for you or you feel too lost to even begin, please please seek out a counselor -- that is exactly what they are there for, as guides through some really rocky stuff. Everyone deserves to be happy and it really need not be at someone else's expense either -- when everyone is being honest. First you are the liar, then the cheater --- you have compounded problem upon problem and now you see how bad that really is.

One step at a time here -- get honest with self, get honest with others, seek professional help if necessary.

Lack of judgement for a moment. I agree Val, It is not up to this person to tell the married mans wife, but it is up to the husband. She has to let her boyfriend know, but believe me it will come out in the open one way or another. I just can't help but feel that somebody needs to let the wife know what the husband is doing, especially if the husband does not want to fess up.

Joe

Quote:

Originally Posted by c5kv06

I've been with my boyfriend for eight years. I've found myself bored. Three months ago I began cheating on him with a married man.

So you weren't good enough to end it with your boyfriend first? Because you were bored does not give you the right to cheat on a man who invested 8 years of his life in you. For all the women who complain that no good men exist why don't you step up and tell them why.

Did you ever think about having some coversations with him about this? Nope. You just wanted to have your fun and then use him as your support system.

The first thing you need to do is tell your boyfriend about this whole thing. Give him the freedom he deserves.

Quote:

Originally Posted by c5kv06

I want to end the affair but it's hard.

It's not actually. You say, "Mr. married guy I cheated on a good man and became a mistress. I don't want that, this is going to end."

Your making excuses because you don't want to face the consquences.

Quote:

Originally Posted by c5kv06

I've even slept with this man over and over again feeling guilty afterwards. My boyfriend is wonderful I don't know how this happened. I just want it to end.

So what's wrong with you. "I was bored" is not a valid reason to cheat on an 8 year relationship and then introduce yourself to someone else's marriage. There's more to this then "I was bored." I don't know if you even know. You may need to see a councelor about this. But I would recommend you follow that and really find out what "I was bored" really means.

Toe err is to be human.
SO you made a mistake. If you feel your boyfriend is the man you need stay with him.
I am more open minded and find that sex and love do not have to go hand and hand.
So you lust for this man, this married man. Lets be real, more and more people are so called "cheating"... who is cheating who though?
By coincidence I was at a party last night and a friend said "we all pay for sex in one way or another".
Just remember you might pay for having this sex. You could loose your boyfriend.
I told a friend a few years ago to end his affair at 6 months. Just cut it. He didn't and it lasted 2 years. Yes 2 years. His wife caught him and he was up sh... 's creek. He agreed to make it work , but now he is more miserable then before the affair.. what was the point of that? He stays for the kids. Luckily, no kids are involved with you.

Do some soul searching and look at what you really want.