Ask Me Help Desk - Being Threatened by Grandma

I live in Washington. I have a 2 1/2 year old. Her father lives in Oregon. He dumped me when I was 4 months pregnant, saw her at the hospital and once a week later. I moved out of the area to be with my parents for help since he was not around. He hasn't seen her since she was 1 month old. He does a lot of drugs and drinking and I don't want my child around that. I have changed my life to make being a mother my priority. His mother comes around every 3-4 months for about an hour at a time, but he has not called, emailed or anything. She is now telling me that if I don't let her see my child that she will take me to court for him. He was not put on the birth certificate and does not pay any child support. She made a lot of threats toward me and told me I was breaking the law because I didn't put him on the birth certificate(which I know is untrue) and I know that she doesn't really have any rights to visitation but if we go to court that he would get them. I'm just wondering what kind of rights would he have for visitation? Would he be able to get joint custody? Would the make me give her up for weekends and stuff? Would I have to drive to meet him or would he be required to come here to see her? (he's about 5 hours away) I can't imagine leaving my baby with them. I am trying to smooth things over with her because I don't want to go to court, but this is not the first time she has used this against me. I need some advise.

She can not take you to court 'for him' He has to do that himself.
If worst came to worst and she coaxed him to go to court you could tell the Judge that he is doing drugs and drinking and you feel it would be in the best interest of your baby to have supervised visits. That might throw a wrench in her plans if the Judge did order supervised visits.

As already pointed out she can't do the court thing for him. However, if you knew who the father was and you didn't put him on the birth certificate that IS breaking the law it is called fraud and you can get in real legal trouble over it. I'm not sure about your state but there are some that give grandparents rights to visitation. Of course the paternity would have to be established first so if she has enough time and money to get a good lawyer you could end up in court over it.

She's bluffing thinking you'll fall for her threats. As pointed out above, first the paternity would have to be determined and court ordered DNA testing done. Then if he is determined to be the father, most likely the court would wonder why no child support is being paid. Also, some states do not have grandparent rights and if you lived in a state that has no grandparents rights she's basically out of luck seeing the child if you don't wish this to happen. Do they have enough money for the attorney and DNA testing to drag you into court? It won't be an overnight thing either. Also pointed out by stina about not putting the father's name on the birth certificate could pose some problems for you. Basically, it's up to you what you wish to do about this situation. You could put his name on the birth certificate and collect child support from him and allow reasonable visitation times. You will have to figure out the logistics of the 5 hours away difference as well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mjl2

I live in Washington. I have a 2 1/2 year old. Her father lives in Oregon. He dumped me when I was 4 months pregnant, saw her at the hospital and once a week later. I moved out of the area to be with my parents for help since he was not around. He hasn't seen her since she was 1 month old. He does alot of drugs and drinking and I don't want my child around that. I have changed my life to make being a mother my priority. His mother comes around every 3-4 months for about an hour at a time, but he has not called, emailed or anything. She is now telling me that if I don't let her see my child that she will take me to court for him. He was not put on the birth certificate and does not pay any child support. She made alot of threats toward me and told me I was breaking the law because I didn't put him on the birth certificate(which I know is untrue) and I know that she doesn't really have any rights to visitation but if we go to court that he would get them. I'm just wondering what kind of rights would he have for visitation? Would he be able to get joint custody? Would the make me give her up for weekends and stuff?? Would I have to drive to meet him or would he be required to come here to see her? (he's about 5 hours away) I can't imagine leaving my baby with them. I am trying to smooth things over with her because I dont' want to go to court, but this is not the first time she has used this against me. I need some advise.

Right now your in a very gray area. You should have been doing things right from the beginning. As far as Washington State is concerned there aren't Grandparent Rights in place. You seem to " know " a lot about situations your no longer involved in and you seem to be blocking visitation from the father. Did you " know " that that can be called parental alienation and you could lose your child to him ? Then you would be the one facing visitation. Situations of all kinds can be dealt with in many ways. But ignoring them never falls in your favor. You say you want what's best for your child yet your actions speak very different. Maybe its time to rethink everything and go to court and get child support and visitation established. That IS in the best interest of your child to have BOTH parents participating in their life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by califdadof3

Right now your in a very gray area. You should have been doing things right from the begining. As far as Washington State is concerned there arent Grandparent Rights in place. You seem to " know " alot about situations your no longer involved in and you seem to be blocking visitation from the father. Did you " know " that that can be called parental alienation and you could lose your child to him ? Then you would be the one facing visitation. Situations of all kinds can be dealt with in many ways. But ignoring them never falls in your favor. You say you want whats best for your child yet your actions speak very different. Maybe its time to rethink everything and go to court and get child support and visitation established. That IS in the best interest of your child to have BOTH parents participating in thier life.

I'm not blocking visitation, He has not seen her since 12/05 or contaced me since 2/2006. I don't also feel that it's in my child's best interest to be around anyone that is high or drunk so I'm not going out of my way to have her see that kind of behavior, that is why I don't go to court it's not about the money it's about not exposing my child to behavior that I don't agree with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mjl2

I'm not blocking visitation, He has not seen her since 12/05 or contaced me since 2/2006. I don't also feel that it's in my child's best interest to be around anyone that is high or drunk so I'm not going out of my way to have her see that kind of behavior, that is why I don't go to court it's not about the money it's about not exposing my child to behavior that I don't agree with.

You have every right to raise your child as you wish. But you say its not about the money and when your original question was asked you said you left the state because of the money ( i.e. he wasn't there to support me and I went to my parents ). Do the right thing. Go to court and if its drugs or drinking your worried about then try for supervised visitation if he can't pass a drug test. How can you be so sure he's not doing those things ? Its in the best interest of your child to at least have him on the birth certificate and to be attempting to collect child support. Maybe that's what he needs to get straightened out. So as soon as you can find a lawyer and go to court or use your local child support agency for resources and they may even do all the legwork for you. And bare in mind you chose to have a child with this man so if he was so so bad then what's that really say about you or your decision making ? Get it straightened out before its too late. That's what's truly in the best interest of your child.