My father died in front of me, how do I stop the flashbacks and nightmares?
I am a 28 year old EMT and 3 months ago my father passed away from a two year battle with throat cancer. To make matters worse he died right in front of me. Since his death I have been experiencing constant flashbacks and nightmares of that day. My father did have a signed DNR and was in Hospice.
That day I was helping him use the commode and when his was finished I sat him back down and he was barely breathing. I knew right away that he was close to death. Being an EMT and also having medical power of attorney, I knew I could override the DNR and try to save him, but I didn't. That decision has haunted me since. Minutes later I saw his last breath, heard his last heartbeat and seen his pupils fix and dilate. I will never forget putting my stethoscope to his chest and hearing nothing and feeling no pulse. I have seen people die before, but this was different. I keep asking myself "Why didn't I try and save him?"
My question is how can I get the flashbacks and nightmares to stop? I'm afraid that this will affect my job. I feel like I can't talk to my wife or friends about this because their fathers are still alive and as each day passes I go deeper and deeper into depression. I can only get at most 2 to 3 hours of sleep a night. If you can help in anyway that would be great!