Heya there ,

I have been a little disturbed . Me & my boyfriend have been together for like a year and a half now . He is a very sweet guy , loves me a lot , cares for me , helps me cook , cut veggies , wash the dishes . The only thing that's been bothering me about him is that he talks to his mom on phone like for 3-4 hrs at a stretch when am with him as well . They talk all kind of stuff on phone , *****ing , gossiping , marriage plans[ we are getting married] , I find it really weird that he stays on phone that long talking to his mom . We are living together , he does give me his little time whatsoever ,but why am I so disturbed by this ?

I have talked to him about it couple of times , he knows I get upset seeing him talk on phone with his mom that long , now he has started doing that behind my back , like finish off his phone calls before coming home .

The worst part is , His mom is very bossy , manipulative & dominating . Every time we decide something , he discusses that with his mom & comes back to me saying may be we should do it "this" [ advised by his mom] way . Pisses me off more often .

I try talking to his mom on phone, all she talks about is why my dad should call her , or why mom should talk to her etc etc . I am just too skeptical to be very rude & tell her "why can't you call her yourself you need to talk ", That's so not me.

I am not finding any mental peace cause of this. I am not able to enjoy my relationship with my boyfriend who loves me a lot , cause of his mom .

Please advise what do I do :(

I think you need to tell him that when it comes to decisions about your relationship, marriage, etc.. That it has nothing to do with his mother. Tell him that you are in a relationship with him not him and his mom! I can see in plans for a wedding that I suppose a mothers advice can be helpful.
He needs to cut the apron strings and stand up to his mom.

Put your foot down and keep talking to him. 4 hrs on the phone per day with mommy is a little too much.

Does she live out of state that he doesn't see her very often? How often does he call? (I agree 3-4 hrs at a stretch is a bit much.) I'm female and the oldest child, and this afternoon talked for 45 minutes with my mom 550 miles away -- and this was the first time in a month. And I'm her favorite child on top of it! (at least I think I am most of the time :D)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ironhide262

I think you need to tell him that when it comes to decisions about your relationship, marriage, etc.. that it has nothing to do with his mother. Tell him that you are in a relationship with him not him and his mom! I can see in plans for a wedding that I suppose a mothers advice can be helpful.
He needs to cut the apron strings and stand up to his mom.

Put your foot down and keep talking to him. 4 hrs on the phone per day with mommy is a little too much.

---

I have told him this million times , same stuff , that I am not in a relationship with him & his mom and that our decisions need to be taken by us , not his mom . Well elders are always welcome to advise - but decisions need to be made by us . Last time I spoke to him we had a hugee fight , it just hurts that your guy is just perfect but in this matter . In fact all the fights in our relationship is due to his mom & I don't get it why he doesn't understand . :(

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Does she live out of state that he doesn't see her very often? How often does he call? (I agree 3-4 hrs at a stretch is a bit much.) I'm female and the oldest child, and this afternoon talked for 45 mins with my mom 550 miles away -- and this was the first time in a month. And I'm her favorite child on top of it! (at least I think I am most of the time :D)

---

Yeah , she lives in a diff state ,he doesn't meet her often , may be once in a year or something . He calls once in a day but talks that long . You are right , I am very close to my mom myself , I just can't hold on to the phone more than 45mins to 1 hr depending on if the topic is serious , needs a decision to be taken etc , else I just call her to give my attendance . I am so disturbed by this behaviour and feel helpless that I have to start an argument to talk on this . He never listens to me when it comes to this and this is the most disturbing fact in my life!! :confused:

He calls her every day?

Everyday , that's the whole point.. "EVERY DAMN DAY".. :(:(

Yeah. Time to cut the apron strings, especially if she is still able to dictate to him how to act and react.

Is he the only child? Or the baby? Why the strong connection?

He is not the only child , he has an elder sister . Its his mom who keeps her children well within her clutches , I have no idea why . He doesn't understand his mom's intentions .

Or maybe its you who do NOT understand their relationship. 3/4 hours on the phone does seem excessive to me but, maybe this is his first time away from home, and away from his mommy.

nairshar,

You are either going to have to accept that he will always have a close relationship with his mother or if you can't accept then you might want to move on and find someone who isn't as dependent to his mother as your fiancé.

She lives in another state, and he may talk to her and she may give her opinion,but here is the deal--When he comes and tells you what his mother as said, I would just listen politely and then smile and give him a kiss and tell him to how nice of his mother to be concerned, but here is how you plan on doing it!! I wouldn't make anymore out of it. If you try and control the relationship between him and his mother, you will only end up miserable, and start taking it out on the relationship with your fiancé. If you force him to make a choice, it may not be YOU, who wants to live with someone who is so CONTROLLING for the rest of their lives!!

If you love him and want him for your husband, then your going to have to learn how to let the mother in laws suggestions goi in one ear and out the other!! Good luck