For the past few months now I've really been wanting a baby. I'm 21, and so is my boyfriend. I'm not financially ready for a baby, and my boyfriend is neither financially or emotionally ready. Now, don't misunderstand, I'm not TRYING to have a baby, I just really want one. I'm well aware of what could happen if I had a child now. I'd prefer for it to happen when both me and Nicholas are married and ready. I'm not exactly sure what is bringing this about. I think I might just have some loneliness issues or whatever. I really haven't had many opportunities to spend time with people my age because everyone just seems either busy, uninterested, or they don't even seem to be making an effort. I think a lot of it might be because I just want to be needed. Yes, Nicholas is wonderful and I love him more and more every day, but he can't be the person I depend on for time I should be spending with people that are supposed to be my friends. Is there more to this? I guess I just need someone to talk to..

OhSo honey, it's being a woman that causes that want to have a baby. It's our nurturing instinct. Since you are 21 that instinct is in full swing right now. Most of us women get it around that age if we don't have children already.

On the flip side, you know what I do for a living. I deliver babies and am with them 48+ hours a week. Well, I am now going through menopause and will never have children, yet I am getting the same maternal stirrings you are.

It's just a stage of life that we all go through. Just know that I am here to talk if you need to.

Hello, the answer tou your question is surely the mother instincts of a female and of course loneliness issue.you don't have to be confused about it .But getting a bay at any stage where you are not financially and socially sound will be very difficult for you .Please make sure that you can bring her/him up .you will need financial backing and also more importantly time.. there is lot to do like taking care of baby itself will take all you time at least for two years .If u wish that you r baby has emotional bondage with you don't leave him/her in hands of any nanny .all d best .

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Originally Posted by coolguy005

Hello, the answer tou your question is surely the mother instincts of a female and of course loneliness issue.you dont have to be confused about it .But getting a bay at any stage where you are not financially and socially sound will be very difficult for you .Please make sure that you can bring her/him up .you will need financial backing and also more importantly time ..there is lot to do like taking care of baby itself will take all you time at least for two years .If u wish that you r baby has emotional bondage with you dont leave him/her in hands of any nanny .all d best .

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Did you actually READ the thread? She knows that she is not in a position to have a baby (not a bay), and she doesn't plan on having one any time soon.

What is "emotional bondage?" Do you mean emotional bonds?

It makes good sense the way you are thinking about this.

Babies are best left (when there is a choice) to be brought into this world for all the right reasons.

Maybe you are looking for a more secure or suitable relationship with another man. This has got the lonliness going, as sometimes the devil we know, is easier to accept, than the devil we don't know.

It isn't easy to let go of a relationship, and sometimes the hard part is knowing yourself well enough to know that it is time to move on.

But I would say first things first. If you plan on staying with your boyfriend, and you are unhappy, address those issues. Make a list if you have to. Define what you need in a man, and in a relationship, and don't be afraid to be honest about it. If you are concluding that your lonliness is because he is not meeing your needs (reading quite a lot between the lines here), try not to think of replacing him necessarily with one who does meet your needs, but instead, look at yourself.

What are your hopes, dreams, goals. Do you want further education, a career, independence financially? That would be the ideal situation, particularly at your age, and that you have time to plan your own course of action, under your own steam.

New activities, and interests, also mean new people, places and opportunities. You can make your world much larger than what it is now, and at the same time, have the satisfaction of independence, more choices in life, and results that YOU create- not someone else.

Another plus is you have these opportunities now. You aren't married, you have no children, you aren't stuck with a future that was decided for you, within very small parameters. Think big!

My advice to you is to really take a good look at your life, and realize that there are alternatives that may be more suitable for you now, rather than a relationship that may not work out. You can do anything right now, this is your life, and yours alone, while at the same time, not being obligated to pave that way under anybody elses' steam.

Could it be a time in your life where taking that fork in the road only for yourself, might be a better road to travel?

LOL, I thinks its perfectly normal to have those feelings, MEN have them to. You just have to be smart about what you do with those very HUMAN feelings, and how you act on them.

Build a happy life for yourself, pursue a career, and build a solid future nest for when you are ready for that baby. I tell the same thing to guys.

It's not Nicholas I'm confused about, I know for a fact that he's the one I want to have a child with in the future. And I'm not at all worried about waiting, because I want to wait. I know I'm not financially ready for a child yet, and I couldn't think of a better person to father my future child. It's just the fact that I'm having such unusual urges for one. He wants kids one day too, and we've both agreed that it's better to wait. My issue is that he's the person that I spend most of my time with, and I'm not lonely because of HIM, but because there aren't many other people that I have an opportunity to spend time with. A lot of people my age are in school, or working, or even have children already so they're busy. And sometime I just feel like people just aren't interested in spending time with me, So I think that's my loneliness issue. And I have thought a lot about whether it was just the fact that I'm a woman, because that makes a lot of sense. My mother was married and had me by the time she was my age. So in that way, I feel like I'm behind on life. I've had to take a semester off school to pay for my apartment, but I'm DEFINITELY going back once the new semester begins. I've taken up a second, seasonal job until then. It just seems weird to me that I think about babies so much, because I never used to. More than anything for my future I want to have a family, and I know I'm on my way towards that, it's just taking longer than I want it to. Nick is in Grad school right now studying to become an electrical engineer. We've been together for four years now and out relationship has never been better. We're really happy together, and I' know were going to be together for MANY many more years. That being said, whenever I tell people this they look at me like I'm sort of crazy person for wanting a child. I'm an adult! Why is that so weird? And I'm not even trying for one. It's just confusing.

Your clock is ticking. Your body is ready, and its letting you know. Don't be confused.