I had a child, a beautiful baby girl a year ago. I'm not with her mother now, I wasn't with her mother then. I take of my daughter 50% of the time and her mother thinks that I'm a great dad. Her mother is moving in with her boyfriend of 1 year... yea they started hanging out right after my daughter was born.

I dated the girl for 6 months, it was fairly casual because I was going on a trip around the world. I left, she got pregnant, I came home, she left me. Its for sure my child. When she first dumped me it was hard, cause I'm a traditional guy. I did all the wrong things. I was sad, she saw it, I drank she knew. Now I don't drink and I'm not sad... but I want another shot. Anyone know how I could achieve this?

C

I say the relationship was casual, but it got pretty serious. She bawled when I left telling her mom "what if he finds someone else and never comes back?" When I got back we were OK for about 3 weeks, saying the love word... then she got really distant. Her mom said it was because I was unemployed and not looking hard enough, that I should be paying off student loans. It's a lot different now, I have a really good job. But it seems too late.

Her sister told me she thought I was the one, that she had never been that way with a guy before.

If you want to make the mother of your child an honest woman, you want your family... continue moving upward... keep your job... stay sober... pay off or pay down the student loan... know that you can handle the welfare of yourself, first before attempting to provide for a family of three. In the meantime, there is no harm in expressing your true feelings for this woman... tell her but know in your heart that it is her that you are after and not reacting because your pride has taken a hit because she is moving in with some other guy.

As the old saying goes, "It takes two to tango." You obviously have realized your mistakes and have made amends and that took a lot of courage. However, your daughter's mother, for whatever reason, prefers another man over the man who fathered her own child. This says lots of things about her character, all of them negative. You're better off without her. To paraphrase, let the skunk (your daughter's mother) spray her odor on someone else (the guy she's moving in with.) This may be of little consolation right now, but there's a woman out there who will someday make a very good wife for you and a good stepmother for your daughter. Good luck!

Hi. You did say that you 'heard' things from her mom and sister. This means that you are still in contact with them some way. If she feels different about you now and knows how you have changed, you well might havr a chance. I would wright her a letter telling her exactly how you feel and that you would like a second chance, not just to do the 'right thing' but that you really have feelings for her and want the responsibilities of a family. You do have rights to see your child, maybe those visits will bring you closer. I hope things will work out for you in the longrun, no matter how long it takes. But advice from a dry alcoholic, stop the booze - it never solved anything, only made things worse. If she sees the change and sees you are serious about your life and their's she should come to her senses, as she practically sees you in the baby every day. Again, Good Luck.

Before you can ever even consider being this woman's friend, much less close friend, much less boyfriend, she is going to have to respect you, and then trust you.

You have no hang up's admitting your short comings. If you see them, then, well, she does too.
Do some self maintenance. Show her that you are trying. Pay your bills, be the best father in the world that she has ever seen. Since this young lady has moved forward in life, and seems to be happy, getting her to look back at the past (you) is something that is going to be hard to do. Most of us women, don't want to go back to something that has hurt us in this manner, but it does not mean that it is hopless.
Before she will consider what it is that you are wanting, she is going to have to respect you as a responsible man. Show her that you are that man first. This may take time but if she is worth it, and you are sincere about this, then nothing can go wrong. Besides, if she does decide that she does not want to be with you after you have done all of this self maintenance, you would make a heck of a husband for someone who does want you.

letmeno is right, do the best you can, and if it does not work with mom, be the best dad you can and a good catch for the next woman in your life once you've done the maintenance and improvemet. Again, good luck.


P.S. letmeno - tried to rate you, but did too many times, so can't do it now, but a big ATTABOY to you. Chery

Hi,
We all make mistakes, and have to live with them.
You really need to talk with a lawyer, get some Professional advice. Your legal rights, to a daughter from a woman you were not married to, can be explained by a lawyer... as to whether you have any or not.
You might be entitled, legally, to visitation rights, might have to pay child support, might not. These are all reasons you need a lawyer.
This woman and her boyfriend can move anywhere in the world, and you would never see your child again. Talk with a lawyer.
Best of luck,
fredg